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Long Term goal.....

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Manager
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Joined: 01 Jan 2012
Posts: 53

Kudos [?]: 131 [0], given: 5

Location: United States
Concentration: Marketing, Technology
GPA: 3.6
Long Term goal..... [#permalink]

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New post 23 Sep 2013, 14:16
I am confused about my long term gaol. How much detail I should mention in Essay. Would It work or I need to be more specific on this
"As a long term goal, I wish to work for people of India. I feel that India needs strong and visionary IT management institutions, which could bring transformation to the current ways of functioning and deliver its services to the people in an efficient manner. There are two possible paths currently visible to me - I would establish my own firm to lead portfolio of products or I would join public sector to lead some information technology department of India."


Thanks
Monika Arora

Kudos [?]: 131 [0], given: 5

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Joined: 30 Nov 2009
Posts: 5596

Kudos [?]: 957 [0], given: 48

Location: Chicago, IL
Schools: Brown University, Harvard Business School
Re: Long Term goal..... [#permalink]

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New post 25 Sep 2013, 02:05
monikaleoster wrote:
I am confused about my long term gaol. How much detail I should mention in Essay. Would It work or I need to be more specific on this
"As a long term goal, I wish to work for people of India. I feel that India needs strong and visionary IT management institutions, which could bring transformation to the current ways of functioning and deliver its services to the people in an efficient manner. There are two possible paths currently visible to me - I would establish my own firm to lead portfolio of products or I would join public sector to lead some information technology department of India."


Thanks
Monika Arora


Hey Monika,
Actually you need to be a LOT more specific. HOW exactly do you want to do what you propose to do? WHAT position wlll you hold? in WHAT industry? If you are not specific, I'm afraid the AdCom might treat it all as a "pipe dream".
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Jon Frank
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Kudos [?]: 957 [0], given: 48

Manager
Manager
avatar
Joined: 01 Jan 2012
Posts: 53

Kudos [?]: 131 [0], given: 5

Location: United States
Concentration: Marketing, Technology
GPA: 3.6
Re: Long Term goal..... [#permalink]

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New post 26 Sep 2013, 22:45
i have toned it to"As a long term goal, I wish to work for people of India. I feel that India needs strong and visionary IT management institutions, which could bring transformation to the current ways of functioning and deliver its services to the people in an efficient manner. A Position where I can take initiatives to improvise E-Governance and status of women in my country is what I aim for. I would have to start my journey with public sector as Principal Consultant in Department of Electronics and Information Technology or Technology Advisory Group for Unique Projects to understand public policies. It will further pave my way to the position of Secretary or Joint Secretary of the Department that is my ultimate goal. " Please advise on this.

Kudos [?]: 131 [0], given: 5

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Joined: 30 Nov 2009
Posts: 5596

Kudos [?]: 957 [0], given: 48

Location: Chicago, IL
Schools: Brown University, Harvard Business School
Re: Long Term goal..... [#permalink]

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New post 30 Sep 2013, 22:24
That's MUCH better! It's much more specific! I still think you can probably cut about half of your text, but as far as getting it down, it's good.
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Jon Frank
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Kudos [?]: 957 [0], given: 48

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