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My first AWA Essay

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My first AWA Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 02 Feb 2018, 00:53
Hi everyone,

This is my first AWA attempt and it certainly took a lot more time than allowed for the test. Nevertheless, would be great if someone could rate my essay and give valuable feedback.

Thank you so much!!!

:grin:

The Argument

The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”


The Essay

The argument claims that because of the long experience in the industry, Olympic Foods will be able to almost certainly minimize on costs and maximize on profits. This is based on the author’s belief that organizations will naturally learn how to do things better and become more efficient over time. In an attempt to support this rosy prediction, the author cited the generalized example of the downward cost trend of prints in the color film industry over time. However, this argument is certainly weak and unconvincing as it suffers from several flaws.

Firstly, the argument readily assumes that all organizations will definitely work more efficiently over time. This statement is clearly a stretch that is too generalized and lacks proper evidence to substantiate. While there are certainly many organization that do indeed strive to improve their processes over time, there are nevertheless organizations that do not place as much emphasis on changes, such as in the intricate production of traditional handicrafts. The argument could be strengthened by narrowing down the scope to only a certain a relevant group of organizations, as well as providing company performance records that can justify relevant trends.

Secondly, even if an organization aspires to want to work more efficiently, staff motivation and willingness to improve also plays a huge role to achieve the intended goal. If majority of staff in an organization is passive in their work or strongly resist changes to how things are currently being done, it would be almost impossible to achieve anything more than the current performance. The argument could be strengthened by introducing evidence to show that both the management and staff of Olympic Foods share a common goal of wanting the organization to improve.

Finally, in the example used to support the argument, the author assumes that the reduction in selling price and lead time for prints over the years is solely attributed to the printing companies learning how to work more efficiently over time. This is entirely unfounded and could in fact be caused by other external factors. Perhaps this could be due to increased competition for such printing services over the years, or because of reduced demand, or both. The example could be strengthened by introducing evidence that can undeniably point the cause of the reduced selling price and lead time to the internal improvements of the companies.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed and hence unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors, which the argument presently lacks. It can be considerable strengthened by introducing sound relevant evidence and facts as described above.
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Re: My first AWA Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 02 Feb 2018, 10:17
ryanwxj wrote:
Hi everyone,

This is my first AWA attempt and it certainly took a lot more time than allowed for the test. Nevertheless, would be great if someone could rate my essay and give valuable feedback.

Thank you so much!!!

:grin:

The Argument

The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”


The Essay

The argument claims that because of the long experience in the industry, Olympic Foods will be able to almost certainly minimize on costs and maximize on profits. This is based on the author’s belief that organizations will naturally learn how to do things better and become more efficient over time. In an attempt to support this rosy prediction, the author cited the generalized example of the downward cost trend of prints in the color film industry over time. However, this argument is certainly weak and unconvincing as it suffers from several flaws.

Firstly, the argument readily assumes that all organizations will definitely work more efficiently over time. This statement is clearly a stretch that is too generalized and lacks proper evidence to substantiate. While there are certainly many organization that do indeed strive to improve their processes over time, there are nevertheless organizations that do not place as much emphasis on changes, such as in the intricate production of traditional handicrafts. The argument could be strengthened by narrowing down the scope to only a certain a relevant group of organizations, as well as providing company performance records that can justify relevant trends.

Secondly, even if an organization aspires to want to work more efficiently, staff motivation and willingness to improve also plays a huge role to achieve the intended goal. If majority of staff in an organization is passive in their work or strongly resist changes to how things are currently being done, it would be almost impossible to achieve anything more than the current performance. The argument could be strengthened by introducing evidence to show that both the management and staff of Olympic Foods share a common goal of wanting the organization to improve.

Finally, in the example used to support the argument, the author assumes that the reduction in selling price and lead time for prints over the years is solely attributed to the printing companies learning how to work more efficiently over time. This is entirely unfounded and could in fact be caused by other external factors. Perhaps this could be due to increased competition for such printing services over the years, or because of reduced demand, or both. The example could be strengthened by introducing evidence that can undeniably point the cause of the reduced selling price and lead time to the internal improvements of the companies.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed and hence unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors, which the argument presently lacks. It can be considerable strengthened by introducing sound relevant evidence and facts as described above.

Hi ryanwxj

Please find below the link which contains almost all the essays related to the GMAT exam (you might find similar essays like the one posted by you as well). These essays will guarantee you a score of 5-6 in the AWA section of the GMAT Exam.

https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-compilations-109-analysis-of-argument-essays-86274.html

For any further queries please do get back to me. All the best for your exam preparation :)
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Re: My first AWA Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 02 Feb 2018, 22:20
Thanks Kritesh,

I did read through some of your essays earlier and I must say that they are very useful. The above essay was one that I have tried doing on my own after reading through several =)

As the flaws raised are not exactly identical to the one found in the link, would you think my essay is sufficient to get at least a 5?

Cheers!
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Re: My first AWA Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 02 Feb 2018, 22:34
1
ryanwxj wrote:
Hi everyone,

This is my first AWA attempt and it certainly took a lot more time than allowed for the test. Nevertheless, would be great if someone could rate my essay and give valuable feedback.

Thank you so much!!!

:grin:

The Argument

The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”


The Essay

The argument claims that because of the long experience in the industry, Olympic Foods will be able to almost certainly minimize on costs and maximize on profits. This is based on the author’s belief that organizations will naturally learn how to do things better and become more efficient over time. In an attempt to support this rosy prediction, the author cited the generalized example of the downward cost trend of prints in the color film industry over time. However, this argument is certainly weak and unconvincing as it suffers from several flaws.

Firstly, the argument readily assumes that all organizations will definitely work more efficiently over time. This statement is clearly a stretch that is too generalized and lacks proper evidence to substantiate. While there are certainly many organization that do indeed strive to improve their processes over time, there are nevertheless organizations that do not place as much emphasis on changes, such as in the intricate production of traditional handicrafts. The argument could be strengthened by narrowing down the scope to only a certain a relevant group of organizations, as well as providing company performance records that can justify relevant trends.

Secondly, even if an organization aspires to want to work more efficiently, staff motivation and willingness to improve also plays a huge role to achieve the intended goal. If majority of staff in an organization is passive in their work or strongly resist changes to how things are currently being done, it would be almost impossible to achieve anything more than the current performance. The argument could be strengthened by introducing evidence to show that both the management and staff of Olympic Foods share a common goal of wanting the organization to improve.

Finally, in the example used to support the argument, the author assumes that the reduction in selling price and lead time for prints over the years is solely attributed to the printing companies learning how to work more efficiently over time. This is entirely unfounded and could in fact be caused by other external factors. Perhaps this could be due to increased competition for such printing services over the years, or because of reduced demand, or both. The example could be strengthened by introducing evidence that can undeniably point the cause of the reduced selling price and lead time to the internal improvements of the companies.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed and hence unconvincing. In order to assess the merits of certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors, which the argument presently lacks. It can be considerable strengthened by introducing sound relevant evidence and facts as described above.


Use this template to structure your essay. I can see you have already done that! :cool: :cool:
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... ml#p470475

Next, use this link to evaluate your essay:
http://www.gmatawa.com/
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Senior Manager
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Joined: 13 Oct 2016
Posts: 289
Concentration: Operations, Leadership
GMAT 1: 600 Q44 V28
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Re: My first AWA Essay  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 03 Feb 2018, 00:24
1
ryanwxj wrote:
Thanks Kritesh,

I did read through some of your essays earlier and I must say that they are very useful. The above essay was one that I have tried doing on my own after reading through several =)

As the flaws raised are not exactly identical to the one found in the link, would you think my essay is sufficient to get at least a 5?

Cheers!

Hi ryanwxj ,

Your question is already answered by saswata4s :-) . Please refer to the link provided by him in his post and check it out for yourself :thumbup:
_________________

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If you appreciate the post then please click +1Kudos :)

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Joined: 20 Dec 2017
Posts: 34
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Re: My first AWA Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 03 Feb 2018, 08:01
Geez, thank you guys so much for sharing the link!
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Re: My first AWA Essay &nbs [#permalink] 03 Feb 2018, 08:01
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