AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 3.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
Celinej9 wrote:
Hello, it will be really helpful if you can rate my essay and give me some tips for improvement. Thank you in advance!
Prompt:
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become
more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day
service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And
since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
My essay:
The argument focus on a minimizing of costs of processing caused of the time passing. The sequence is that “passing time” have a positive effect in efficiency and produce a reduction in the “cost of processing”. The reasoning is flawed in several ways. It will be discuss the assumption of the process of color film is equal the food, the statement of less cost of processing can be only explain by a more efficient process and the general view of “over time” as indicator of development.
The information to sustent the argument take an example of the color film processing to ensure the process of food will be the same. Both process are different in several ways like the insumes use, the time it take the process, the care and management each required, the technology use and more others. This shows that is wrong to assume the same principles for different markets.
Considering the markets similar, there is another reason that can explain the costs of processing going down. The argument point only in the more efficient but it can be because other ítems involve in the process as costs of the inssumes, costs of the technical materials, etc. There is not a reason to conclude that the efficient is the only way to reduce costs.
Finally, even is the markets are similar and the efficiency is the main reason to reduce costs, there is another consideration before expressing that because of the 25th birthday the Olympic Foods will be more efficient. The argument expose that “over time” this effect is produced but there is not a definition of the necessary time on years. It can be refered as 50 years mínimum so the Olympic Foods will be in the middle of the process. It have to be more clarity of what means with “over time”.
Overall, the argument of the time having a positive impact in the efficient of the process and produce a reduction in the costs have more flaws than the ones discussing. To ensure the effect, it is neccesary to prove the similarity between the color film processing and food processing. Also, there have to be more details about the process and how everything can laid in the efficiency to explain the reduce of costs. Finally, it is necessary to express the specific amount of time required to have the effect exposed.