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# Please, can you rate my essay? GMAT on Friday

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 12 Sep 2012
Posts: 3

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01 Oct 2012, 11:33
Prompt:
The following appeared as part of an article in a computer magazine:
“A year ago Apex Manufacturing bought its managers computers for their homes and paid for telephone connections so that they could access Apex computers and data files from home after normal business hours. Since last year, productivity at Apex has increased by 15 percent. Other companies can learn from the success at Apex: given home computers and access to company resources, employees will work additional hours at home and thereby increase company profits.”

The argument that companies should give its managers computers for their homes and access to company resources in order to increase productivity relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. The author of this argument bases its conclusion on the fact that Apex Manufacturing bought its managers computers and paid for their telephones connections so that they could access Apex resources. As a consequence, productivity increased by 15 percent. However, this alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of the recommendation mentioned above and it certainly does not provide support or proof of the main conclusion. The author fails to account several key elements regarding whether there were other reasons for the increased productivity and to what specific companies may this recommendation apply.

One of the most fundamental flaws with this argument stems from a failure to acknowledge that Apex's policy may have not necessarily caused the increase in productivity. It is entirely possible that there could have been another reason for this output. For example, Apex might have recently renewed its employees, and this new employees might be more efficient that the previous ones. Moreover, it is also possible that Apex might have changed its technology, and this might be another reason for the positive results. Had this argument included such data assuring that there was not another reason for the increased productivity and had the data corroborated the argument's conclusion, a stronger case for the recommendation would have been made.

Even if the argument persuasively featured information demonstrating that there were no other reasons for the mentioned result, several logical leaps would still be required for this argument to be considered sound. For instance, the author omits any mention of to which type of companies may this recommendation apply. Perhaps, there are companies that need their employees to perform their work exclusively inside the company's facilities, and therefore this recommendation would no longer apply to them. It might be a good idea to specify the company's characteristics to which this recommendation would apply as a means to strengthen this argument.

As the argument now stands, it does not read as either persuasive or cogent. Improvements, providing proof that the recommendation was the actual cause of the increased productivity and citing the different characteristics that a company must have so that this policy would have the mentioned results would certainly make this argument a more convincing piece.
Intern
Joined: 06 Jun 2012
Posts: 4

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02 Oct 2012, 02:15
Can someone rate my first AWA essay.

Prompt
Question Type: Essay
Read the statement and the instructions that follow it, and then make any notes that will help you plan your response. Begin typing your response in the box at the bottom of the screen. You have 30 minutes in which to complete the essay.
“Manned space flight is costly and dangerous. Moreover, the recent success of a series of unmanned space probes and satellites has demonstrated that a great deal of useful information can be gathered without the costs and risks associated with sending men and women into space. Therefore, we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight.”
Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

Response

"The argument presents a comparison between manned and unmanned flights and supports the usage of unmanned flights over manned flight in order to optimize resources and getting best out of limited resources in the field of space exploration. Whereas on the outset the argument seems to depict the right picture but exploring deep into the assumption and analyzing it should reveal that with the current state of technologies there are no substitute of manned space flights. In this argument i would like to question the underlined assumptions in the argument and the conclusion hence derived.

The conclusion of the argument is that and unmanned flight is better in terms of doing space exploration and research. The argument assumes three flawed assumptions. First assumption is that with today's technologies and near future developing technologies, the behaviors and outer atmosphere's effect can be replicated exactly while in space. This is clearly not the case today, of the 5 sensory argument in today's world man has been only able to develop sensory technologies related to listening, speaking and seeing whereas the taste or olfactory technologies are still some distance to go before the technology conquest can be achieved. More than this the technologies are still available with varying degree of inflexibilities built up in technology, hence to think that technology can completely replicate human behavior in the outer atmosphere in naive at best.

Secondly the ever changing environment while in flight can be controlled only with the special built inflexible robotic controls which creates a further risk on the control of such exploration flights. Granted that the cost of manned space flights is higher on account of additional spend on making the flights returnable to earth, however with space astronauts returning the earth can bring in quite a few other experiences such as overall effect of weightlessness, unseen electromagnetic fields and unknown elements of outer world, which can be utilized in years to come, whereas the unmanned flight is limited by the amount of data it sends as per pre-designed objectives and its parameters. Loss of life is a real danger but that can be reduced to great extent by few early unmanned flights, however the learning and experience can be best achieved only by flights when finally the man is present to experience the unknown of the outer space.

The unmanned flights can be a good source of information once we are able to develop technologies which can capture human sensory requirements and able to replicate the human attentiveness and ability to work in an unknown environment with much improved robotic machinery which can work better than human being with relatively less degree of redundancies and inflexibilities.

In the final analysis in my opinion the argument is flawed in assuming that all the human moves can be replicated by machines at present and hence can replace humans for outer space exploration with current state of technologies."
Director
Joined: 11 Feb 2015
Posts: 567

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09 Jul 2018, 07:48
You could ask an expert to review it. I am not an expert hence will not be able to grade your AWA. Since no one responded I thought of informing you. Just my personal opinion after going through the following link is your AWA seems to be containing the essential ingredients, i.e. no. of paras, structural words etc to take you over the line.

https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... ml#p470475
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Re: Please, can you rate my essay? GMAT on Friday &nbs [#permalink] 09 Jul 2018, 07:48
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