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Please Comment!!! Help!

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Intern
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New post 25 Oct 2015, 06:57
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:

“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”

Discuss how well reasoned … etc.

On the newspaper editorial, the author claims that Nova High School board should allocate more budget to buy computers and all schools within that area should introduce interactive computer instruction to their study programs. This conclusion is based on the favorable results of the interactive computer instruction at Nova High School for last two years. However, the conclusion of the argument relies on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak, unconvincing and flawed for several reasons.

First, the author assumes that all schools in the district should introduce the interactive computer instruction. The author fails to account for the similarities and differences between the Nova High School and other schools. For example, that the instruction program was very efficient at one of the High Schools does not mean that it would be same effect for all the Elementary, Middle and High Schools. Because the school drop-out rates at the Elementary and Middle Schools are relatively lower that those at the High Schools.

Secondly, the author asserts that because of the rapid positive results and achievements at the Nova High School during the last two years, the School management should invest more to buy computers. However, the author fails to analyze other important factors such as grade improvements of students on the three academic subjects which used interactive computer instruction in order to properly evaluate the usage of the computers.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened, if the author clearly cited all the relevant facts such as benefits of the instruction for the successful graduates of the Nova High School and influence of the instruction to the students who are likely to drop out of the School etc.
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New post 16 Nov 2015, 11:21
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m.gantsetseg@gmail.com wrote:
The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:

“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”

Discuss how well reasoned … etc.

On the newspaper editorial, the author claims that Nova High School board should allocate more budget to buy computers and all schools within that area should introduce interactive computer instruction to their study programs. This conclusion is based on the favorable results of the interactive computer instruction at Nova High School for last two years. However, the conclusion of the argument relies on the assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak, unconvincing and flawed for several reasons.

First, the author assumes that all schools in the district should introduce the interactive computer instruction. The author fails to account for the similarities and differences between the Nova High School and other schools. For example,that the instruction program( what instruction program? , this should be Interactive computer instruction program') was very efficient at one of the High Schools does not mean that it( What does IT refer to? ) would be have same effect for all the Elementary, Middle and High Schools. Because the school drop-out rates at the Elementary and Middle Schools are relatively lower that those at the High Schools.
Avoid starting a sentence with 'Because'
Secondly, the author asserts that because of the rapid positive results and achievements at the Nova High School during the last two years, the School management should invest more to buy computers. However, the author fails to analyze other important factors such as grade improvements of students on the three academic subjects which used interactive computer instruction in order to properly evaluate the usage of the computers.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened, if the author clearly cited all the relevant facts such as benefits of the instruction for the successful graduates of the Nova High School and influence of the instruction to the students who are likely to drop out of the School etc.



You can mention a few more points -
1. The author indirectly assumes that student drop out was only due to poor quality of education (because there was no interactive learning). The author should mention the data which helps understand the actual reason for more number of dropouts.
2. You can mention that the learning technique used by other schools may not be computer interactive, but that technique might be more efficient. Author assumes that all the schools face the problem of student dropouts.
3. The author inappropriately relates the success of the students who went to college ( from Nova school) to computer interactive learning.

Also, you might want to re-phrase the example you have given. The sentence is ambiguous.

These points can make you essay stronger. Currently your essay would score somewhere around 4.5


Hope that helps!

Kudos are always welcomed.
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New post 08 Aug 2018, 10:29
Hello from the GMAT Club VerbalBot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

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Re: Please Comment!!! Help! &nbs [#permalink] 08 Aug 2018, 10:29
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