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Please correct my TOEFL essay

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Intern
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Joined: 29 Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Please correct my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 29 Jul 2014, 14:08
Why do you think people attend college or university?

Over the time, education has been refined. From being a mere college graduate who works to achieve a 9-to-5 job, today, man wants to be more skilled and intellectual. That when he wonders that from where can he be trained in teaching or more knowledgeable in motor parts? This is where college or university come into picture. People who aspire to be more skilled in an occupation turn to college programs and university degrees. So, as said, people attend college or university to acquire new set of skills or update themselves about the latest one.
Secondly, for many of us, higher education given at these colleges is a stepping stone for getting a job. Each one of strive to have a prosperous career. Through in-depth knowledge of a particular field, for instance, study of motor parts, one can go and build an engine for Ferrari. This is what colleges provide. They gave you theoretical knowledge as well as practical experience and prepare you to face the competitive world. They have been an essential medium for career building. Moreover, my companies and businesses hire employees on the basis of their degrees and diplomas. So, these degrees or diplomas validate that a person has the required skills a company is looking for.
Lastly, many people wants to keep learning and gaining knowledge. Colleges provide masters and doctoral degrees for these people.
To conclude, with growing globalization and capitalism, the economy requires more skilled and intellectual individuals. Colleges and universities, with its vast resources and manpower, is able to produce such products which encourages people to attend them.
Intern
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Joined: 22 Aug 2014
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Re: Please correct my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 28 Aug 2014, 02:20
I also accept your trams. No one can progress and advance without a high quality contact on their group.People who aspire to be more skilled in an occupation turn to college programs and university degrees.i like your article very much.
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Re: Please correct my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 25 Sep 2014, 22:12
DeeptiGulati1985 wrote:
Why do you think people attend college or university?

Over the time, education has been refined. From being a mere college graduate who works to achieve a 9-to-5 job, today, man wants to be more skilled and intellectual. That when he wonders that from where can he be trained in teaching or more knowledgeable in motor parts? This is where college or university come into picture. People who aspire to be more skilled in an occupation turn to college programs and university degrees. So, as said, people attend college or university to acquire new set of skills or update themselves about the latest one.
Secondly, for many of us, higher education given at these colleges is a stepping stone for getting a job. Each one of strive to have a prosperous career. Through in-depth knowledge of a particular field, for instance, study of motor parts, one can go and build an engine for Ferrari. This is what colleges provide. They gave you theoretical knowledge as well as practical experience and prepare you to face the competitive world. They have been an essential medium for career building. Moreover, my companies and businesses hire employees on the basis of their degrees and diplomas. So, these degrees or diplomas validate that a person has the required skills a company is looking for.
Lastly, many people wants to keep learning and gaining knowledge. Colleges provide masters and doctoral degrees for these people.
To conclude, with growing globalization and capitalism, the economy requires more skilled and intellectual individuals. Colleges and universities, with its vast resources and manpower, is able to produce such products which encourages people to attend them.

I can't identify your introduction and the first paragraph. Besides, the last paragraphy is too short to explain your reason.
GMAT Club Bot
Re: Please correct my TOEFL essay   [#permalink] 25 Sep 2014, 22:12
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Please correct my TOEFL essay

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