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Please feed back on my motivation letter

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Please feed back on my motivation letter  [#permalink]

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New post Updated on: 24 Feb 2019, 13:33
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Hello!
I am applying for an MBA program in University XXXX and they require a motivation letter. Could you please read it and give me some feed back on it if possible. it is worth only 1 A4 page:

Dear Sir/Madame,

I am writing to apply for the Masters in Management program which starts in Autumn September 2019 at University of XXXX. I have already finished my studies in a BSc program in May 2018 and graduated with an honours degree.

Like many of my fellow colleague students in high school, I applied for Medicine programs with no regards to what I personally wanted to do for my career; I simply followed the crowd, which was a major mistake. Medicine, however, was extremely competitive and like many of the students, I did not get a place. Again, I repeated the same mistake right after that by applying for biomedical sciences as a secondary option to medicine because most of the students and my friends did so too. later, during my second year, I came to realise how serious this mistake was with regards to my professional career.

During my studies in the university I noticed that I had an inclination towards businesses and finances; I managed to land a great role in one of the top UK retailing brands (NEXT Plc) as a sales consultant and an administration officer. Shortly after I launched my own company (XXXX Ltd) which specialised in sourcing, marketing and sales of sporting goods. It was during the second year that I was 100% sure that a career in the life sciences is not for me. It was also apparent that if I do not carefully think about what kind of career best fits me, I will not be able to develop personally and professionally. Nevertheless, the Biomedical Sciences was a sophisticated course that is filled with opportunities to learn invaluable skills regarding research and data analysis. I had many project in which I worked within teams, we were required to organise complex data in a comprehensible form and them to various groups of professors. This experience has greatly improved my team work as well as my presentation and communication skills.

I understood that the better I knew what drives me and gets me motivated, the better career choices I will make in the future. Therefore, I moved to France right after my graduation to explore and better understand myself. This experience has elucidated many things I wasn’t aware of. I noticed that my with past experience of working in a major retailing brand, running a company and studying at university, it became second nature to me to efficiently adapt and implement various routines that help me deal with new stressful circumstance. Also, upon reflection, I realised that I actually love learning, especially practical theories which I know could benefit me in the future. This includes economical theories, how corporate organisations work and how politics can effect businesses and the economy. This better understanding of myself permits me to make better decisions about my future.

I believe that the experiences I have gathered thus far have lead me to where I am today. I am better equipped to seek a higher form of education and to finally further my development both personal and professional. I am determined to rectify the mistakes I made and to not repeat them again. Therefore I consider having a major goal in mind the most important aspect of this journey. Through many hours of research, I came to accept that a career in management consulting is not only appropriate for me to pursue, but also extremely beneficial on the long run. I am sure that it is a profession in which I will be pushed to my limits to learn and implement new information. I am certain that I will enjoy following this path as it requires specialised understanding of various industries, business models and even the economy. Thus, I am applying for this program (Masters in Management) which offered by your university. This program will give me the opportunity to further improve my analytical and critical thinking skills which I will need for the profession I am pursuing. Also, given the bilingual nature of this university, doing this program will put me in a social environment where most speak French, this will greatly help in my endeavour to learn it as a third language. Furthermore, I think that I will be a great addition to the international community of this university as I myself was part of an international institution in the heart of London, and I understand how important it is to be an active member of the students’ community.

I am extremely optimistic about my application for this program as it marks a new starting point of an exciting journey. With a clear goal in mind, it has become much easier to make major decisions such as this one as I know with certainty it will be beneficial. I thank you very much for considering my application, and I will eagerly wait to hear back from you.

Sincerely,

Please let me know what you think and what I would need to add more into it to appeal more to the admission committee.
Thanks in advance!!

Originally posted by Wal3d122 on 24 Feb 2019, 11:37.
Last edited by Wal3d122 on 24 Feb 2019, 13:33, edited 1 time in total.
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New post 24 Feb 2019, 11:55
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This is really amazing,you don't need to have any regrets doing tgat bio-course, knowledge is never a waste. I'm sure it will help somewhere in your life.

Even I'm someone who is graduated from civil engineering background and later on i understood tgat I'm more good at programming.

I used to regrets about my decision, but not anymore,

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New post 24 Feb 2019, 11:57
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An extremely impressive letter with hardly any noticeable grammar issue. Furthermore, you have expressed your thoughts very clearly. Indeed, your letter is impressive. Kudos!
However, I am slightly concerned about your privacy because certain aspects of the admission process must be safeguarded.
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Re: Please feed back on my motivation letter  [#permalink]

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New post 24 Feb 2019, 12:02
DisciplinedPrep wrote:
An extremely impressive letter with hardly any noticeable grammar issue. Furthermore, you have expressed your thoughts very clearly. Indeed, your letter is impressive. Kudos!
However, I am slightly concerned about your privacy because certain aspects of the admission process must be safeguarded.


thanks a lot for the feedback!
certain aspects such as what though?
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Re: Please feed back on my motivation letter  [#permalink]

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New post 24 Feb 2019, 12:19
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Well, had I been in your position, I would have not made my profile public, knowing very well that representatives from schools visit this forum. You don't want people to know that you are unsure about your profile and looking for "feedback". Anyhow, once you are convinced that your letter is good, you should take this post off. The best idea would be to PM experts/admission consultants.

Wal3d122 wrote:
DisciplinedPrep wrote:
An extremely impressive letter with hardly any noticeable grammar issue. Furthermore, you have expressed your thoughts very clearly. Indeed, your letter is impressive. Kudos!
However, I am slightly concerned about your privacy because certain aspects of the admission process must be safeguarded.


thanks a lot for the feedback!
certain aspects such as what though?

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In case you find my post helpful, please provide me with kudos. Thank you!

New to GMAT Club or overwhelmed with so many resources? Follow the GMAT Club Study Plan!
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Re: Please feed back on my motivation letter  [#permalink]

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New post 24 Feb 2019, 13:34
DisciplinedPrep wrote:
Well, had I been in your position, I would have not made my profile public, knowing very well that representatives from schools visit this forum. You don't want people to know that you are unsure about your profile and looking for "feedback". Anyhow, once you are convinced that your letter is good, you should take this post off. The best idea would be to PM experts/admission consultants.

Wal3d122 wrote:
DisciplinedPrep wrote:
An extremely impressive letter with hardly any noticeable grammar issue. Furthermore, you have expressed your thoughts very clearly. Indeed, your letter is impressive. Kudos!
However, I am slightly concerned about your privacy because certain aspects of the admission process must be safeguarded.


thanks a lot for the feedback!
certain aspects such as what though?


Thanks for the headsup.. I didn’t consider that before and I edited the post accordingly :)

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Re: Please feed back on my motivation letter  [#permalink]

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New post 25 Feb 2019, 12:32
I think it's a great letter, I like that you demonstrate a new awareness of yourself it definitely adds to your credibility. Respectfully disagree with the previous poster about taking this down. I do not think that seeking feedback is a sign of weakness in the eyes of the admissions committee, in fact they greatly encourage this and see this as a smart strategy.

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Re: Please feed back on my motivation letter   [#permalink] 25 Feb 2019, 12:32
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