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Please grade my essay! :)

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Joined: 21 Sep 2008
Posts: 78
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Schools: Georgetown, UNC, Emory, GeorgiaTech
WE 1: Product Engineering
WE 2: Logistics & Inventory
WE 3: Product Information & Pricing Manager
Please grade my essay! :) [#permalink]

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New post 11 Nov 2008, 12:53
hi guys, I've been browsing the forum and don't know where to post. I like to have some feedback on my AWA essays and don't know where to post... any ideas? I am very VERY weak in writing essays and I would like to have some guidance. This is literally my 3rd practice essay.

Here is my sample essay...

Analysis of issue

The best teachers are those whose classes include a large amount of discussion between teachers and students
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

The definition of best teacher may differ among all students with different expectation. Although I believe that discussion is the important key to the learning experience in the classroom and it is necessary to have a large amount of interaction between teachers and students, it does not justify the reasoning of being the best teacher with such event. The author’s conclusion is made without additional evidence to support his claim.

The discussion among students with teacher will encourage many students to learn from not only from the teacher, but also from other students. Students with high level of skills in debate will voice their opinions loud and clear while less interactive students will lack the involvement. The best teacher will guide the less interactive students to engage and develop in skills, yet involve high skill and developed students to encourage the other students. The large amount of discussion does increase the educational level, yet does make the best teacher for the amount of discussion in classroom.

Also, the teachers are always focused in one specific area to allow the discussion for the classroom. Although the discussion is always a great exercise for the students, it may not be necessary or permitted during the classroom. The author states that amount of discussion makes the best teacher; yet fails to recognize that all teachers cannot increase the amount of discussion. As for the sports related classes, the interaction between the teacher and students are limited to instruction rather than discussion. With author’s argument, this teacher is not the best teacher although he may be the best instructor to develop a strong athlete.

The best teacher must be able to support the students with education, development and relationship. As students are learning and growing at the same time, a great guidance must be given to the student from the mentor. A teacher can be that mentor for the greatest guidance for the student. Although the large amount of discussion may assist the students in development, it is only a portion of teacher’s responsibility. The best teacher comes from handling students with great guidance rather than solely dependent on one object.
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Joined: 20 Mar 2008
Posts: 153
Location: USA
Re: Please grade my essay! :) [#permalink]

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New post 12 Nov 2008, 10:33
Hi hwiya320,

I am not an expert in rating essays but I see quite a few weaknesses in your essay such as

First Paragraph does not clearly restate the discussion.
There are no examples from your experience. Examples are needed.
Your conclusive paragraph is also not clear.

My rating would be between 3.8-4.2

It would be better if you follow the suggestions in the below link and practice to align your ideas accordingly.

Re: Please grade my essay! :)   [#permalink] 12 Nov 2008, 10:33
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Please grade my essay! :)

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