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25 Sep 2013, 07:49
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This is my first attempt at writing an essay. Your feedback will be much appreciated.
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become
more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day
service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And
since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay
The argument claims that the same principle with respect to lowering of costs applies to both the color film processing and food processing industry. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions foe which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that processing costs go down because organizations learn to do better. This is a stretch because the reason why the processing costs go down may not be necessarily because of increased efficiency of the organization. It can also be due to factors like increased competition, lower costs of production etc. For example if an organization is processing 100 units per day at $1 per unit and as a result of increased competition in the market and to meet the market standards the organization is compelled to bring down its processing costs to $0.70 per unit. In the example stated by the author about the decrease in the cost of color film processing, the reason for decrease in cost was the introduction of better cameras and new technology which made the old cameras redundant. As a result the demand for color film processing went down and in order to attract more customers organizations decreased the costs.
Second, the argument claims that the same principle also applies to food technology. This is also a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between color film processing and food processing industry. To illustrate, the technology used for color film processing and food processing is entirely different. Also, both cater to different needs of the consumers. The demand for food processing industry is unlikely to decline as consumers will always need such products for their day-to-day use. While the color film processing industry may take a hit as customers have the option of using digital cameras which prove to be a far more convenient option. So, as inflation and the costs of raw materials will go up the cost of food processing may also see a rise despite of passing number of years.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned the strengths of Olympic Foods to demonstrate that how the organization learned to do better as a result of 25 years of experience. Similar examples from the food processing industry would have substantiated the author’s view.
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become
more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day
service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And
since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
Essay
The argument claims that the same principle with respect to lowering of costs applies to both the color film processing and food processing industry. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions foe which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that processing costs go down because organizations learn to do better. This is a stretch because the reason why the processing costs go down may not be necessarily because of increased efficiency of the organization. It can also be due to factors like increased competition, lower costs of production etc. For example if an organization is processing 100 units per day at $1 per unit and as a result of increased competition in the market and to meet the market standards the organization is compelled to bring down its processing costs to $0.70 per unit. In the example stated by the author about the decrease in the cost of color film processing, the reason for decrease in cost was the introduction of better cameras and new technology which made the old cameras redundant. As a result the demand for color film processing went down and in order to attract more customers organizations decreased the costs.
Second, the argument claims that the same principle also applies to food technology. This is also a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between color film processing and food processing industry. To illustrate, the technology used for color film processing and food processing is entirely different. Also, both cater to different needs of the consumers. The demand for food processing industry is unlikely to decline as consumers will always need such products for their day-to-day use. While the color film processing industry may take a hit as customers have the option of using digital cameras which prove to be a far more convenient option. So, as inflation and the costs of raw materials will go up the cost of food processing may also see a rise despite of passing number of years.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned the strengths of Olympic Foods to demonstrate that how the organization learned to do better as a result of 25 years of experience. Similar examples from the food processing industry would have substantiated the author’s view.
25 Sep 2013, 20:05
Kudos
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I like this ... I'd put it near a 4.5. I'd love to see one more support paragraph. Always think about 5 paragraphs -- intro/3 body/conclusion.
Hope this helps.
-Brian
Hope this helps.
-Brian
25 Sep 2013, 20:37
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Hi KanupriyaS,
I'd put this essay at about a 4.5-5. I agree that a third paragraph would lend more support to your argument, as writing three paragraphs is always more convincing than stopping at two. It can be about something as innocuous as minimizing costs does not guarantee maximizing profits. You could also make a separate point about how companies getting better at making something doesn't always drive the costs down (cost of material, specialized labor, etc).
As some general tips, I'd also always list my arguments in the introduction so that the reader is aware of what's coming up. I'd also watch out for little typos that can impact meaning ("foe" instead of "for" in the introduction is an easy example)
Follow these guidelines and watch your score increase!
Hope this helps!
-Ron
I'd put this essay at about a 4.5-5. I agree that a third paragraph would lend more support to your argument, as writing three paragraphs is always more convincing than stopping at two. It can be about something as innocuous as minimizing costs does not guarantee maximizing profits. You could also make a separate point about how companies getting better at making something doesn't always drive the costs down (cost of material, specialized labor, etc).
As some general tips, I'd also always list my arguments in the introduction so that the reader is aware of what's coming up. I'd also watch out for little typos that can impact meaning ("foe" instead of "for" in the introduction is an easy example)
Follow these guidelines and watch your score increase!
Hope this helps!
-Ron
