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# Please rate my AWA. 2nd Attempt at GMAT in 3 weeks.

Author Message
Manager
Joined: 22 Apr 2013
Posts: 95
Location: India
Concentration: Finance
GMAT 1: 660 Q48 V33
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 83 [0], given: 32

Please rate my AWA. 2nd Attempt at GMAT in 3 weeks. [#permalink]

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20 Oct 2013, 05:42
Hi,

Please rate my AWA. This is going to be my second attempt at GMAT. In the first attempt I scored a 5.5. I am looking to bump up my score to a 6 if possible.

“It makes no sense that in most places 15-year-olds are not eligible for their driver’s license while people who are far older can retain all of their driving privileges by simply renewing their license. If older drivers can get these renewals, often without having to pass another driving test, then 15-year-olds should be eligible to get a license. Fifteen-year olds typically have much better eyesight, especially at night; much better hand-eye coordination; and much quicker reflexes. They are also less likely to feel confused by unexpected developments or disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings, and they recover from injuries more quickly.”

The author in this argument claims that fifteen year olds should be eligible to get a license, since older drivers can get renewals without having to pass another driving test. This claim is based on the fact that fifteen year olds have much better eyesight, hand eye coordination, reflex. The fifteen year olds are also less likely to feel confused in unfamiliar surroundings or unexpected developments. However on a deeper analysis, it is evident that there are certain relevant aspects that have not been taken into account, leading to a number of mistaken assumptions and logical flaws.

One such flaw is that the author mistakenly assumes that learning driving is equivalent to renewing licenses. This statement is a stretch because of an illogical comparison made by the author. The argument suggests that because older people can renew their licenses, fifteen year olds should be eligible for the driver's license. The author does not take into account that the older people have already learnt how to drive and have been driving for a number of years compared to fifteen year olds who will learn how to drive first. For example, a 35 year old who learnt driving at the age of 18 has been driving for 17 years and perhaps comfortable driving in any situation has the advantage of renewing his/her license. But this does not mean that fifteen year olds should also be given this advantage because they are yet to learn how to drive. To overcome the argument, the author should provide expert judgement from research held on this field instead of stating opinions not based on research or facts.

Another statement, significantly weakening the argument is that the author assumes that eyesight, hand-eye coordination and reflex are the only factors that decide the eligibility of drivers. The above factors are perhaps some of the factors that judge the performance of the drivers, but there are certainly other more important factors such as mental strength, knowledge of the public laws regarding driving. For example, a fifteen year old, who has better eyesight, hand-eye coordination and quicker reflexes but does not know the driving rules and how to apply these benefits into driving then the fifteen year old perhaps will not be a successful driver. To make this argument stronger, the author should compare all the factors that affect the performance of drivers and how the fifteen year olds are compared with much far older people.

The author also does not provide a specific age group to be compared to the fifteen year olds. "Far older that fifteen year olds" could mean people aged 80-90 or it could even mean people aged 30-40. The driving skill of both these group perhaps differ significantly. For example, the aged group 80-90 may have the highest number of accidents, and also slower reflexes, worse eyesight, worse hand-eye coordination but then the people aged between 30 and 40 perhaps are better than fifteen year olds in all such factors. The author should provide a specific age group to compare the fifteen year olds to make the comparison much stronger and logical.

After closer examination of the passage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws in the author's attempt to show that fifteen year olds should be eligible to get a license because older drivers can get renewals without having to pass a driving test. The author should provide more detail on the age group that the author intends to compare the fifteen years olds to. The author should also conduct research and provide data to support the claims made. Without significant data to support the claims the argument of the author is a stretch and holds invalid.
Please rate my AWA. 2nd Attempt at GMAT in 3 weeks.   [#permalink] 20 Oct 2013, 05:42
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