Please rate my essay
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09 Jan 2016, 17:37
Hey everyone,
Would anybody be willing to go over and rate my practice essay? Thanks so much in advance!
Here's the topic:
"We believe that improved customer service is the best way for us to differentiate ourselves from the competitors and attract new customers. We can offer our customers better service by reducing wait time in teller lines from an average of six minutes to an average of three. By opening for business at 8:30 instead of 9:00, and by remaining open for an additional hour beyond our current closing time, we will be better able to accommodate the busy schedules of our customers. These changes will enhance our bank's image as the most customer-friendly bank in town and give us the edge over our competition."
Here's the essay:
The argument that improving customer service will increase the image of Mammon Savings and Loan and allow it to attract more customers is flawed due to a faulty assumption and insufficient information. The argument fails to address pertinent information such as the plan that would reduce wait time and the needs of the customers. Thus, it is weak and unconvincing.
One of the main problems with this argument is it assumes that the customers find issue with the customer service at both Mammon Savings and Loan and other banks. The argument states that the bank will improve its image and attract new customers through improved customer service. However, the argument never gives any information on the customers. It never provides proof that the customers really need better service. Is six minutes too long of a wait time for the customers? Do they need and will they make use of the additional proposed opening hours at Mammon Services and Loan? Without this pertinent information, the it cannot be assumed that the customer service changes would lead to an improved image that would give Mammon a competitive edge. Furthermore, this argument fails to provide information on how Mammon plans to achieve certain changes. The argument merely states that Mammon will reduce wait times from six minutes to three minutes without giving its plan on how it will achieve this. As such, it does not convince readers that it will be able to achieve this goal.
Due to the faulty assumption and insufficient information, this argument is not persuasive. By providing more information on the customers and the plan to achieve certain improvements, this argument would be much more strong and convincing.