It is currently 13 Dec 2017, 01:30

Close

GMAT Club Daily Prep

Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.

Close

Request Expert Reply

Confirm Cancel

Events & Promotions

Events & Promotions in June
Open Detailed Calendar

Please rate my essay

  new topic post reply Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  
Author Message
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 23 Sep 2012
Posts: 4

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 1

Please rate my essay [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 16 Oct 2016, 03:07
These days people are so busy that they usually have a little free time for themselves. Many businessmen and also collage students spent they free time on some unimportant things. I think is good if you can plan your free time. On the other hand, people do not like to make plans because they think that they should do it just for job. In my opinion, it is better to plan your free time because you going to spent that time in more productive way.
Making plans for free time

Firstly, you can use your free time completely. For example, when I was younger I liked to watch TV every Sunday, but I realized that I spent a lot of time doing that and do not have time for some other things. One day I wanted to cut off my habit, so I stop to watch TV and started to make plans for my weekends. I was very happy after that, because I was spending more time with my friends and I start new hobby.

Secondly, If you plan your free time you can do everything you like. Sometimes people think that they do not have time for something, but their only problem is that they do not organize their time properly. For instance, if you start very early making plans for your free time you can plan traveling on beautiful destinations. When you start early you can take cheep airplane card, but you are going to give a lot of money If you do not.

Also, in free time you can do small work for your career and job. People usually like to spent they free time on something that is not correlate with their work. On the other hand, I think that you can do some small work and do not even feel like you are working. You can spent your free time on making plans for work or clean you working place. It is going to take a very little of your time, but it is going to help you in your job enormously.

All in all, I like to plan my free time and I think that people should do that also. If you plan your free time you are going to have time for everything and you are going to feel better. You can do some small work or plan a traveling, and not just sleep. Also you not going to waste your time and do something unimportant for you.

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 1

2 KUDOS received
Board of Directors
User avatar
P
Joined: 17 Jul 2014
Posts: 2697

Kudos [?]: 447 [2], given: 207

Location: United States (IL)
Concentration: Finance, Economics
GMAT 1: 650 Q49 V30
GPA: 3.92
WE: General Management (Transportation)
GMAT ToolKit User Premium Member Reviews Badge
Please rate my essay [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 19 Oct 2016, 13:49
2
This post received
KUDOS
blackarrow wrote:
These days people are so busy that they usually have a little free time for themselves. Many businessmen and also collage students spent they free time on some unimportant things. I think is good if you can plan your free time. On the other hand, people do not like to make plans because they think that they should do it just for job. In my opinion, it is better to plan your free time because you going to spent that time in more productive way.
Making plans for free time

Firstly, you can use your free time completely. For example, when I was younger I liked to watch TV every Sunday, but I realized that I spent a lot of time doing that and do not have time for some other things. One day I wanted to cut off my habit, so I stop to watch TV and started to make plans for my weekends. I was very happy after that, because I was spending more time with my friends and I start new hobby.

Secondly, If you plan your free time you can do everything you like. Sometimes people think that they do not have time for something, but their only problem is that they do not organize their time properly. For instance, if you start very early making plans for your free time you can plan traveling on beautiful destinations. When you start early you can take cheep airplane card(???), but you are going to give a lot of money If you do not. (do not do what?)

Also, in free time you can do small work for your career and job. People usually like to spent they free time on something that is not correlate (maybe does not correlate?) with their work. On the other hand, I think that you can do some small work and do not even feel like you are working. You can spent your free time on making plans for work or clean you working place. It is going to take a very little of your time, but it is going to help you in your job enormously.

All in all, I like to plan my free time and I think that people should do that also. If you plan your free time you are going to have time for everything and you are going to feel better. You can do some small work or plan a traveling, and not just sleep. Also you not going to waste your time and do something unimportant for you.


Hi mate, I think your essay deserves a solid 3...though, I never actually rated any essays.
First of all, I have noticed a lot of grammar mistakes, misspelled words, and the incoherence of the text. The complex sentences were not properly connected and as a result, some ambiguities arose.

I hope that you would not take it personally.

And + also is a redundant construction. "Also" has the same meaning as "and".
spend = is a present action
spent = is a past action
they - is a personal pronoun
their - is a possessive pronoun; you need to use the possessive pronoun when such is needed.

sentence structure:
some basic idea
Noun+verb -> a clause. A clause can have either 1 pair of main noun+verb, or more. In case we have more than one pair, we need to make sure that we connect them properly.
I think is good vs I think that it is good -> do you see the difference? That introduces a subordinate clause. The main idea of the sentence is what you think, and by introducing more information through the relative pronoun "that", we can elaborate more on what exactly you are thinking.

Few more ideas on the pronouns: a pronoun can refer to a noun and noun only; its antecedent should be clear, otherwise, the multiple references might bring additional ambiguities.

On the other hand, people do not like to make plans because they think that they should do it just for job.
On the other hand, people do not like to make plans, because they think that they should do so just at their job.
a slightly better version.


Moving to the body of the essay:
Firstly, you can use your free time completely. - to be honest, I did not understand what you intended to say.
so I stop to watch TV and started to make plans
stop and start are on the same level - these two verbs should be presented in the same form.
As it is written at the moment, you stopped from doing something to watch TV, and later you started to make plans. Do you see how the meaning is completely different from the one you intended to communicate?

Next what I want to discuss is the usage of conditionals.
If condition + comma + you can smth smth
If condition then (no comma) smth smth
smth smth + comma + if condition
Keep in mind that if introduces a condition, and, thus, you must have the result. To speak about uncertainties, it is preferable "whether" construction.

Like - is a comparison word. Use it to compare nouns only. If you are comparing two actions, it is preferable to use "as/so" construction. Moreover, like is incorrect for presenting examples; "such as" is the correct way to present examples.

Few more mistakes I have marked with red color.

Again, mate, do not take this post personally; I hope my notes will help you. :)

Kudos [?]: 447 [2], given: 207

Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 23 Sep 2012
Posts: 4

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 1

Re: Please rate my essay [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 22 Nov 2016, 02:26
Thank you very much! I appreciate your time. I did check the mistakes, and I try to write better.

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 1

Re: Please rate my essay   [#permalink] 22 Nov 2016, 02:26
Display posts from previous: Sort by

Please rate my essay

  new topic post reply Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  

Moderators: carcass, subhashghosh



GMAT Club MBA Forum Home| About| Terms and Conditions| GMAT Club Rules| Contact| Sitemap

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group | Emoji artwork provided by EmojiOne

Kindly note that the GMAT® test is a registered trademark of the Graduate Management Admission Council®, and this site has neither been reviewed nor endorsed by GMAC®.