Aswinraj essay review
Quote:
Issue:
Consumers need to be protected from companies that make deceptive claims in their advertising. However, companies should always be allowed to make truthful claims, even if those claims could be misunderstood by some consumers.
My Answer:
The author says that, consumers should be protected from deceptive claims, whereas truthful claims that are misleading could very well be allowed. The prospect of such an advertisement is rather intriguing. The supporters of this idea might regard saying the information conveyed cannot depend on how the receiver understands it. But, this idea would practically prove to be Pandora’s Box for the companies that broadcast misleading advertisements for the following reasons discussed below.
Please say what is your view about the proposal? Do you agree or disagree. If you disagree, please s so. This is a serious lapse in you essay. That the Pandora's bo will be opened is an aftermath of the bad advertisements. That will perhaps be part of your rhetoric to scaffold your thesis.
Firstly, it is possible that a company could make a truthful claim which is misunderstood by consumers leading to dissatisfaction among the consumers. For example, a tooth paste manufacturing company advertises that their toothpaste has highest quantity of salt in it. This might make people think with an assumption that quality of tooth paste is proportional to the quantity of salt content in it. Hence, this somehow creates customers to the company, who might be potential customers for a company that is manufacturing by far better products. As time rolls on, consumers realize the product with deceiving advertisement and tend to develop aversion towards that brand. In my view, the pitfalls of such advertisements that inadvertently induces a false sense of quality among customers, by far overweigh the potential advantages.
Secondly, it is possible to manipulate the truthful information which might be of no use, to seemingly appear very much useful. Also, an opportunity gained by a company through misdeeds is an opportunity lost to another company. Hence, in a free economy, such advertisements might misdirect people, leading to an abyss in the industry. Hence, there needs to be a panel that reviews every advertisement
before it is broadcasted.
Pl.change into active voice.In sum, the author provides feeble rationale in allowing companies to make misleading claims while advertising. The thin line that differentiates between truthful but misleading claims and proper claims should be taken care.
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Please rate the essay on a scale of 1-6. I have my test next week. Your suggestions are greatly appreciated.
General comments
Construction-- Your thesis is not there. This is fatal error. Please be categorical in your view and mention it straight with no mincing of words.
Length -- 305 words. Length is too short. Must add another 200 words at least. How can we pick up those extra words.?
You may criticize the proposal for the fallacy of inadequate rhetoric such as lack of statistics, examples, or study reports. You may blast the media people with your own examples or data( pl give some examples such as in a case decided by the Boriville magistrate court in 1947, the judge castigated the Media people.) for misleading people and take them for ride.
The point is that you must be creative to build up your storyline with some arresting anecdotes. Add two or three such points and your essay will make the essay full.
You can end the essay with some striking saying at the end, such as
"Integrity is being true to oneself, honesty is being true to others, but the pity is media lacks both." --- An old observation
Grammar, spelling, and style --- good. However, try to use more visible transitions such as eventually, consequently, untenable, unsustainable, incomprehensible etc.
Flow ---okay
Tone--- can use stronger words.
Rating--- 4.5 Good Luck