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Please rate my TOEFL independent Writing Task

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Joined: 28 Aug 2016
Posts: 3
Please rate my TOEFL independent Writing Task  [#permalink]

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New post 28 Aug 2016, 08:25
Hi Everyone

Please rate my writing task. I wrote the TOEFL once before and got a score of 2.5 I need a score of 4.5 Please help me.

Question:
Telecommuting (working for a company from home rather than in the office and communicating with the office by computer) is becoming more and more common. Discuss the advantages of telecommuting versus working in an office. Then indicate which you prefer and why.

Answer: [390 words]

We would all like to be the masters of our own destinies. If we could be in control of our own day and manage it as we please, it would make most of us happy. Our work day and where we work is a big part of our modern day lives. In this essay I will discuss the advantages of working in an office as opposed to working from home using technology to communicate.

To start with, one of the most stressfull and time consuming activities we involve ourselves with, in modern times, is commuting between work and home. Living in big cities, most people spend at least some part of their working day getting to work and going home. This time is usually very unproductive. If we can save this time by telecommuting that would be a major advantage. Not only would it save money and time, it would also reduce stress. Telecommuting gives us a great sense of being in control of our day.

On the other hand, there are advantages of working in an office too. One of our big needs we have as humans is to socialize. As humans we need contact and connections with other people. This need is met in an office setting. When we spend our time at the office meeting our social needs, we don't have to find other times socialize. This saves time. Another advantage of working in an office is the fact that communication is a lot more simple and clear. It is easier to find someone and talk to them face to face as oppossed to sending an email or making a phone call. It is said that 90% of all communication happens non-verbaly. Communication can be more effective in an office setting. Meeting these needs helps with our sense of control of our day.

To conclude, although telecommuting and working in an office both have their advantaes, I would prefer to work in an office setting. The first reason is that I do enjoy traveling to work and back. Therefore that disadvantage for most people is an advantage for me. The second reason is, I am also a very social person and enjoy working in an office because of the interaction with people. Based on these two reasons my choice would be to work in an office setting.
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Please rate my TOEFL independent Writing Task   [#permalink] 28 Aug 2016, 08:25
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