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Please review my essay - Toefl in 6 days

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Please review my essay - Toefl in 6 days  [#permalink]

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New post 10 Sep 2017, 10:06
Hello guys,

I tried an essay about pets, a subject that I don't really appreciate but wrote about it anyway. Could you please have a look at what I wrote considering that it's a 470 words essay in only 30 minutes. My toefl is next saturday and it would be very helpful to have some feedbacks.

The subject : Should pets be treated as family members ?

My essay :

I remember the first time I had a dog. I was 4 years old, and if my memory serves well, I spent my whole childhood thinking that the dog was my little brother. This is quite funny, but the question I still raise now is why my parents have never corrected my toughts ? They could have said that "it's just a dog, it's not a family member" but hopefully they didn't. Now I am 23 years old, I have been taught in biology class that a brotherhood between a dog and a human is impossible to some extent, but I certainly believe that my dog in particular, pets in general should be treated like family members. First, because they unsure almost the same function and second, for their qualities that sometime overpass those of humans.

Pets can't talk, can't sing and can't cry at midnight as a baby would do but let's not assume that pets are unable to communicate, because they actually do. Indeed, a small research about pets' behavior will show that they use some special signs to communicate with their owners just as a family member can do. They will feel when you are sad and they will be sad for you and sometimes scratch their skin into your as a sign of solace as if they try to hug you and they would have, had they longer arms. Furthermore, pets fills out our emptiness when we fill alone. For instance, 60% of the aged persons over 70 years old feel less lonely when they raise a pet. If this is not a family role, I don't know what family is for.

I would go further saying that pets have sometimes qualities that some humans lack. A dog for example is faithful to its owner until death. A dog will never leave you, will never hurt you and will never let you struggle alone. I guess everyone heard about the famous story of the dog who protected the hunter's baby from a savage animal but the hunter ended up killing the dog thinking that he ate the baby. Well, if we treat pets somehow less than a family member we are committing the same mistake. Besides, pets are entertaining. Haven't you always wanted to throw a ball and ask the dog to catch it ? Doesn't feel good to pass hand over a cat's head as a sign of affection ? Well, that's some things that we seldom do to a human family member, especially when they grow older.

To put it in a nutshell, pets are creatures after all. Yes they lack many of humans qualities and they can't always heard or speak. Rather, these creatures are sweet and very friendly. They unsure many of a human functions and sometimes have extra qualities. Thus, pets should undoubtedly be treated as family members.
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Please review my essay - Toefl in 6 days   [#permalink] 10 Sep 2017, 10:06
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Please review my essay - Toefl in 6 days

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