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Please review my Integrated task

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Please review my Integrated task  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Apr 2015, 20:49
READING PASSAGE

Depression is a condition that affects millions of people worldwide, but specialists remain divided as to how to treat it. Individuals experiencing depression suffer from severely negative moods that impact their everyday life and affect their ability to function. In order to treat depression, many useful medications have been developed. Medication is currently the best way for patients to fight against depression.

First of all, medication helps treat the cause of depression. To function properly, the brain requires naturally occurring chemicals. The most common cause of depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain of the patient. Abnormal levels of specific chemicals can have a dramatic effect on a person’s mood and can trigger depression in some cases. Treating these imbalances is the most important part of treating depression. The only known treatment for these imbalances is medication.

Moreover, the medication for depression has proven effective in numerous cases. A number of these medications have been successfully used to treat depression for several years and have been an essential part of helping patients move beyond their condition. With the help of medication, thousands of patients are now able to live fulfilling lives despite their depression. While other forms of treatment have been proposed to treat depression, none have yet proven as effective as medication has.

Additionally, medication is typically easier for the patient to deal with than other forms of treatment such as therapy. The medications are usually taken once or twice per day and do not disrupt the patient’s day-to-day life. Maintaining a person’s regular schedule is an important part of dealing with depression. Patients that have to undergo disruptive treatments are less likely to recover from their depression in a timely manner.

LECTURE TRANSCRIPT

Depression, as you all probably know, is a growing concern in today's world. By nearly every account, rates of depression are increasing dramatically, and the field of psychology is struggling to deal with it. There's still a lot of debate over how we should treat depression, but many doctors are prescribing medication to depressed people. I, on the other hand, strongly believe that medication is not the answer.

I think one of the biggest problems here is that people often mistake the cause of depression. Doctors think that depression is generally caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. This idea is way too simplistic, I feel, because there are lots more factors that play into depression. Really, any sort of negative experience can set off depression in a person—maybe it's the death of a spouse, or a brother, sister, or parent. At any rate, experiences are by far the most common cause of depression, not chemicals. Yet medications are designed to treat chemical imbalances, not to help someone through a depressing situation.

This brings up another common misperception of medication—that it’s the best way to treat depression. In support of this idea, clinical trials are most often cited. However, I just really want to emphasize this—medications are just a short-term solution that artificially makes the patient no longer feel depressed. Medications are generally not effective over the long term. Often what happens is that the medication will work for a while, but over time it will begin to wear off. The person is left feeling as depressed as he did before. So to say that medication is the best treatment is pretty shortsighted and, well... inaccurate. Therapy, as opposed to medication; allows the patient to address the root of their depression and come to terms with it. Medication merely helps them suppress and ignore it.

So, finally, people that prefer medication argue that it’s less disruptive than therapy or other treatments. Since the patient only has to take a few pills, it’s easier for them to carry on with their day-to-day life ... or so the argument goes. Unfortunately, the side effects of medication can be really, really disruptive—medications can interrupt sleep cycles, affect your appetite, all sorts of things. People react differently to different medications, so we really have no idea how bad the side effects will be for a person. There are also many side effects that we can’t foresee in short clinical trials. To suggest that medications don’t disrupt someone’s life is misleading.















The lecture points out number of problems of medication to cure the depression; whereas reading passage contradicts by saying, medication is the best way to cure depression.
The professor says that, factors for causing depression; such as negative experiences in one's life like death of spouse or any other situations that disrupt, may disrupt human mood. Therefore, professor says experiences are main causes for depression. Nevertheless, reading passage contradicts by saying chemical imbalance in human being is the main cause depression, which can severely effect human mood.
Additionally, the professor posits many clinical trials shown that medication is short relive or artificial procedure to take off the depression for time being from human. In addition, after medication is completed, again depression starts, so it is not ignore depression for a short while. However, it is much contradicted in reading passage by saying, medication is the best method to solve the depression.
Third, the lecture says, therapy will cure depression from root level and will not have any side effects like effect in sleep, appetite etc. In addition, medication is reacts differently for different people, so it is not good idea to suggest medication than therapy. However, in reading passage states, medication will not affect our daily routine life, because medication can used only once /twice daily by just taking pills.
In conclusion, the passage suggests medication is the best way to cure depression, where lecture counterstatements therapy is the best way to get rid of depression in human mood.
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Re: Please review my Integrated task  [#permalink]

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New post 10 Jul 2015, 03:12
I am not a native speaker but I don't think your essay will be well scored.
Indeed, the instructions of the integrated part of the toefl is to demonstrate how the lecturer casts doubt on the reading and not the contrary. First formate your essay, I mean separate the introduction from the paragraph etc.

Then just use a sentence to introduce a point made in the reading passage for example
"First, the reading passage discusses the chemical in the brain"

Then you sum up the author points of view
"The author explains that the most common cause of depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain of a patient, which can be regulated thanks to medications."

Now in order to contrast with the lecturer opinion you can use a sentence like
"This point is challenged in the lecture."

Now you can state the lecturer's opinion
"Indeed, the lecturer demonstrates that this explanation is too simple, and there are more factors that are involved in depression. He strongly believes that the causes of depression are more important than a chemical imbalance. For example, the death of someone’s family member can cause severe depression. "

Eventually you can conclude
"As a result, we can safely assume that medication is not the best way to treat depression"

I don't pretend that the perfect template to follow, but I think it helps a lot to have write a consistent essay.

First, the reading passage discusses the chemical in the brain. The author explains that the most common cause of depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain of a patient, which can be regulated thanks to medications.This point is challenged in the lecture.Indeed, the lecturer demonstrates that this explanation is too simple, and there are more factors that are involved in depression. He strongly believes that the causes of depression are more important than a chemical imbalance. For example, the death of someone’s family member can cause severe depression.As a result, we can safely assume that medication is not the best way to treat depression.

Try to find as much as possible synonyms of words or sentences that I've put in bold, and write your the body just as I've done and it will increase your score.
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GRE 1: Q161 V157
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WE: Medicine and Health (Health Care)
Re: Please review my Integrated task  [#permalink]

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New post 16 Jul 2015, 17:10
maheshasbs wrote:
READING PASSAGE

The lecture points out number of problems of medication to cure the depression; whereas reading passage contradicts by saying, medication is the best way to cure depression.
The professor says that, factors for causing depression; such as negative experiences in one's life like death of spouse or any other situations that disrupt, may disrupt human mood. Therefore, professor says experiences are main causes for depression. Nevertheless, reading passage contradicts by saying chemical imbalance in human being is the main cause depression, which can severely effect human mood.
Additionally, the professor posits many clinical trials shown that medication is short relive or artificial procedure to take off the depression for time being from human. In addition, after medication is completed, again depression starts, so it is not ignore depression for a short while. However, it is much contradicted in reading passage by saying, medication is the best method to solve the depression.
Third, the lecture says, therapy will cure depression from root level and will not have any side effects like effect in sleep, appetite etc. In addition, medication is reacts differently for different people, so it is not good idea to suggest medication than therapy. However, in reading passage states, medication will not affect our daily routine life, because medication can used only once /twice daily by just taking pills.
In conclusion, the passage suggests medication is the best way to cure depression, where lecture counterstatements therapy is the best way to get rid of depression in human mood.


I will point out the draw backs in your essay first; they I will point out the weaknesses. I am not a native english speaker either, but I did manage to score 117/120 in toefl and here are my points:
1. Your essay lacks a good introduction. In TOEFL integrated task, you have to "summarize the points in the lecture and explain how they relate to the reading passage". To do that, start with an introduction where you summarize the reading passage in 4-5 sentences. Then, in the body, make one para separately for each contradiction made in the lecture (which you did). When you conclude, summarize the whole thing. Remember not to express your own personal opinion and don't use external examples.
2. Few grammatical mistakes which can be avoided like "The professor says that, factors for causing depression; such as negative experiences in one's life like death of spouse or any other situations that disrupt, may disrupt human mood. "- Try to spend 1-2minutes at the end to check your writing to avoid these.
3. Try to make all the paragraphs of the same size, usually 3-4 sentences large. Your first and last para are very small.
4. In the body, you only mentioned the professor's points first then the reading passage. Do it the other way. Passage first, then the professor.

Strengths-
1. English comes to you naturally, unlike many many other test takers.
2. Vocabulary is good.
3. Grammar is pretty good.

You just need to work on the structuring of the tast a little bit more. Then, you will be good to go.
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Re: Please review my Integrated task   [#permalink] 16 Jul 2015, 17:10
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