OFFICIAL EXPLANATIONProject SC Butler: Sentence Correction (SC1)
THE PROMPTThe UN’s High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR) indicates that while there was a slight decrease in the number of refugees at the end of 2009,
the number of internally displaced people within their own countries rose up to 27.5 million people by the end of 2010.
THE OPTIONSQuote:
A) the number of internally displaced people within their own countries rose up to 27.5 million people by the end of 2010
•
Internally and
within their own countries are redundant.
→
Internally displaced already implies that they are displaced within their own countries.
• Idiomatically, we say that something
increased to, grew to, or
rose to a certain number.
Leave the word
up out of the phrasing.
-- We do not say rose
up to 27.5 million. The phrasing is awkward at best.
The phrasing also can imply the wrong math: did the number of people increase BY nearly 28 million (to, say, 200 million)? Or did total number itself, after increasing by XYZ amount, nearly reach 28 million?
ELIMINATE A
Quote:
B) the number of internally displaced people rose to 27.5 million people at the end of 2010
• I do not see any errors
KEEP
Quote:
C) the number of internally displaced people increased to an amplified 27.5 million people by the end of 2010
•
increased and
amplified are redundant. At the least, "amplified" is superfluous.
• If I had not yet read option B, to which this option is inferior, I would keep option C and look for a better answer. As the matter stands, though, I can compare (B) and (C). Option B, unplagued by redundancy, is better than option C.
ELIMINATE C
Quote:
D) the number of displaced people within their own countries rose to 27.5 million people at the end of 2010
• the sentence is grammatical. Now what?
→ Compare to option B.
B: the number of internally displaced people
D: the number of displaced people within their own countries
--
internally displaced people is more concise and straightforward than
the number of displaced people within their own countriesOption B says the same thing as D says, but B uses fewer words to say the same thing.
ELIMINATE D
Quote:
E) the internally exiled number of people increased to 27.5 million people at the end of 2010
• the modifier
internally exiled (1) seems oddly to modify
number rather than
people (why not just say "the number of internally exiled people"?)
and
(2) is almost oxymoronic.
→ To exile a person is to expel them from their country.
How can they be inside and outside their country at the same time?
Internally
displaced in option B is much more logical.
ELIMINATE E
The best answer is B.COMMENTSjessiemjx , you wrote:
Quote:
May I ask whether "the number ... rose to 27.5m people (no people)" is better than "the number ... rose to 27.5m people"? Because the subject is "number". A number could rise/ drop but should not have an unit.