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07 Jun 2020, 21:53
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Hello everyone,
My name is Jason and I'm starting to practice for the GMAT. I was hoping someone could read my essay and give me any tips.
tHANK yOU!!!
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro."
The editorial states that Montoya should be voted out of office because of the worsening unemployment numbers in the city of San Perdito. The argument makes a few critical errors. Making his or her case, the writer not only uses vague language to describe the population and unemployment changes but also compares the two mayors without using evidence that the terms they governed are similar.
First off, the statistics are described as increases and decreases, failing to give context for how big a change is really happening. A marginal difference where the rates hover around zero percent would mean that the use of these words is misleading, It would strengthen this argument if the real values for these percent changes were included and demonstrated greater than expected unemployment and a drastic spike in population loss.
Secondly, while comparing the two mayors, the argument fails to include evidence that the situation surrounding the different terms are comparable. In fact, the editorial gives us information on how their terms are different, stating that population is decreasing and that businesses are closing at a high rate. Because it seems unlikely that these changes are being caused by policy changes, it is necessary to examine further what impact the mayor’s policy may have had on these figures. It would weaken the editorial’s case if the mayor has instituted tax incentives for residents and businesses but outside factors such as a dying central industry or nationwide economic downturn have kept the financial position of the city down. It would further weaken the point of view if the previous mayor’s policies were shown to only be temporary economic boosts such as an infrastructure project that ended.
Overall, due to the unclear verbiage and failure to fully compare the environment surrounding the two mayors, the argument contains several flaws that need to be addressed.
Thanks for reading!
My name is Jason and I'm starting to practice for the GMAT. I was hoping someone could read my essay and give me any tips.
tHANK yOU!!!
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro."
The editorial states that Montoya should be voted out of office because of the worsening unemployment numbers in the city of San Perdito. The argument makes a few critical errors. Making his or her case, the writer not only uses vague language to describe the population and unemployment changes but also compares the two mayors without using evidence that the terms they governed are similar.
First off, the statistics are described as increases and decreases, failing to give context for how big a change is really happening. A marginal difference where the rates hover around zero percent would mean that the use of these words is misleading, It would strengthen this argument if the real values for these percent changes were included and demonstrated greater than expected unemployment and a drastic spike in population loss.
Secondly, while comparing the two mayors, the argument fails to include evidence that the situation surrounding the different terms are comparable. In fact, the editorial gives us information on how their terms are different, stating that population is decreasing and that businesses are closing at a high rate. Because it seems unlikely that these changes are being caused by policy changes, it is necessary to examine further what impact the mayor’s policy may have had on these figures. It would weaken the editorial’s case if the mayor has instituted tax incentives for residents and businesses but outside factors such as a dying central industry or nationwide economic downturn have kept the financial position of the city down. It would further weaken the point of view if the previous mayor’s policies were shown to only be temporary economic boosts such as an infrastructure project that ended.
Overall, due to the unclear verbiage and failure to fully compare the environment surrounding the two mayors, the argument contains several flaws that need to be addressed.
Thanks for reading!
07 Jun 2020, 22:03
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keuriglover949 - Welcome to GMAT Club!
You may need to put in little more effort in the AWA section. Your AWA attempt is okay but it still has several errors. For instance, you started the second paragraph with the phrase 'first off' and started the third paragraph with the word 'secondly', resulting in an obvious parallelism error. You must write firstly and secondly, or first and second.
Did you get a chance to review GMAT Club's in-house AWA template?
Guide to Perfect 6.0 AWA GMAT Score - AWA Template for 6.0
You may need to put in little more effort in the AWA section. Your AWA attempt is okay but it still has several errors. For instance, you started the second paragraph with the phrase 'first off' and started the third paragraph with the word 'secondly', resulting in an obvious parallelism error. You must write firstly and secondly, or first and second.
Did you get a chance to review GMAT Club's in-house AWA template?
Guide to Perfect 6.0 AWA GMAT Score - AWA Template for 6.0
11 Jun 2020, 09:54
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Hey mate! For starter, I am not an expert in GMAT, but I beieve I am quite okay in reasoning and logic. I genuinely think the communication of your AWA is great. The expressions are so very clear and the sentence structures are as complicated as those in SC part lolll. Here's the thing. I thing you may want to work a bit harder with the reasoning of the essay.
My approach to break down the prompt is: Are smaller population and lower employment rate necessarily a bad thing? Even if they are bad, is it justified to hold the mayors liable?
I have read through your work, and I see you had quite a bit to say about the sencond question I mentioned. Perhaps the economy went on the downturn since the succession of Montoya; perhaps the industries are becoming more mature so the businesses are in the cycle of consolidation (the number of businesses decreases, like the US brewery industry in 1980s, or was it 70s....?); perhaps residents' mindset changed and they yearn for smaller sized cities. Those reasons could be nothing political, and you have made the point. But I want to walk you through another angle.
To begin with, bigger population just does not say anything about the quality of a city. Counterurbanisation has only happens in wealthy and affluent societies. As for employment rate, there may be a bit economics knowledge here. Some are sufferring inadequate employment, in which employees cannot work as much as he could have. For example a degree holder work part-time at McDonald's. He is employed but this kind of employment does not make the economy better off. Also, you may notice that the denominator of emplyment rate is the number of people who are currently looking for a job. An increase in discouraged workers can result in higher employment rate as well, which is undesirable and misleading. Further, the decrease in number of businesses can be explained by more fierce competition, which is deemed good from the viewpoint of free market economy.
Above are basically what I would say in mine. But you do made a great point about the supporting data. Bravo, @keuriglover ! That is something that did not come to my little nut. Thank you for inspiring me!
Anyhow, hopefully you will find my post helpful. Cheers on the exam prep and break a leg at the real thing!
My approach to break down the prompt is: Are smaller population and lower employment rate necessarily a bad thing? Even if they are bad, is it justified to hold the mayors liable?
I have read through your work, and I see you had quite a bit to say about the sencond question I mentioned. Perhaps the economy went on the downturn since the succession of Montoya; perhaps the industries are becoming more mature so the businesses are in the cycle of consolidation (the number of businesses decreases, like the US brewery industry in 1980s, or was it 70s....?); perhaps residents' mindset changed and they yearn for smaller sized cities. Those reasons could be nothing political, and you have made the point. But I want to walk you through another angle.
To begin with, bigger population just does not say anything about the quality of a city. Counterurbanisation has only happens in wealthy and affluent societies. As for employment rate, there may be a bit economics knowledge here. Some are sufferring inadequate employment, in which employees cannot work as much as he could have. For example a degree holder work part-time at McDonald's. He is employed but this kind of employment does not make the economy better off. Also, you may notice that the denominator of emplyment rate is the number of people who are currently looking for a job. An increase in discouraged workers can result in higher employment rate as well, which is undesirable and misleading. Further, the decrease in number of businesses can be explained by more fierce competition, which is deemed good from the viewpoint of free market economy.
Above are basically what I would say in mine. But you do made a great point about the supporting data. Bravo, @keuriglover ! That is something that did not come to my little nut. Thank you for inspiring me!
Anyhow, hopefully you will find my post helpful. Cheers on the exam prep and break a leg at the real thing!
