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12 Apr 2021, 04:17
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Random Prompt: “The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered. Because illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country of origin.”
Assignment: Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
My Response:
The argument states that "the autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders, and if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered. Because illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country of origin." Stated in this way the argument takes an extreme leap of faith and fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which this leap was taken making this argument weak, unconvincing and preposterous.
First, the argument quickly asserts that the autonomy of a country is based on the strength of its borders which is a clear overstatement as there could be lot of other factors that determine the condition of the autonomy of a country where the strength of the borders is one of the factors. There are numerous visible examples of such factors prevalent in the world around us today, we regularly find countries like China trying to meddle in the internal affairs of many countries like Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Maldives etc. which does threaten the autonomy of this country more than the threat of illegal immigration. Whereas, there are countless more examples where countries have welcome illegal immigrants with open arms and helped them integrate with their society and way of living e.g., Germany, United Kingdom have allowed more than a million illegal Syrian immigrants to seek refuge in 2016 and now they are part of the country and contributing to it also. The argument could have driven their point home better had they given clear examples as to why these illegal immigrants pose a threat and how in the past or currently there are considered as massive risks to the autonomy of the country.
Second, the argument states that "if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered". This again is a very weak and unsubstantiated claim and does not demonstrate any correlation between the entry of illegal immigrants and there being any danger to the economy and national identity of the country. In fact, if the argument had an example lending support to this claim, then the argument would have been a lot stronger. We can look at the curious case of The United States of America, where the Latino, Cuban and Indian communities are a mix of legal and illegal immigrants. These communities have now become a mainstay in the United States of America and contribute substantially to the economy of the nation.
Finally, the argument concluded that as these "illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country". From this conclusion, it isn't clear how these illegal immigrants pose such a threat? Without providing any supporting evidence and examples of instances where these illegal immigrants may have threatened the autonomy, the economy and the national identity of the country. One is left with the impression that this is a far-fetched unsubstantiated claim which clearly cannot stand on its own.
In summary, the argument is flawed and utterly unconvincing. It could have been considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts and provided the correct examples. In order to comment on such a topic, it is extremely important to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
I would love feedback and tips on how to move forward.
Assignment: Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
My Response:
The argument states that "the autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders, and if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered. Because illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country of origin." Stated in this way the argument takes an extreme leap of faith and fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which this leap was taken making this argument weak, unconvincing and preposterous.
First, the argument quickly asserts that the autonomy of a country is based on the strength of its borders which is a clear overstatement as there could be lot of other factors that determine the condition of the autonomy of a country where the strength of the borders is one of the factors. There are numerous visible examples of such factors prevalent in the world around us today, we regularly find countries like China trying to meddle in the internal affairs of many countries like Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Maldives etc. which does threaten the autonomy of this country more than the threat of illegal immigration. Whereas, there are countless more examples where countries have welcome illegal immigrants with open arms and helped them integrate with their society and way of living e.g., Germany, United Kingdom have allowed more than a million illegal Syrian immigrants to seek refuge in 2016 and now they are part of the country and contributing to it also. The argument could have driven their point home better had they given clear examples as to why these illegal immigrants pose a threat and how in the past or currently there are considered as massive risks to the autonomy of the country.
Second, the argument states that "if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered". This again is a very weak and unsubstantiated claim and does not demonstrate any correlation between the entry of illegal immigrants and there being any danger to the economy and national identity of the country. In fact, if the argument had an example lending support to this claim, then the argument would have been a lot stronger. We can look at the curious case of The United States of America, where the Latino, Cuban and Indian communities are a mix of legal and illegal immigrants. These communities have now become a mainstay in the United States of America and contribute substantially to the economy of the nation.
Finally, the argument concluded that as these "illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country". From this conclusion, it isn't clear how these illegal immigrants pose such a threat? Without providing any supporting evidence and examples of instances where these illegal immigrants may have threatened the autonomy, the economy and the national identity of the country. One is left with the impression that this is a far-fetched unsubstantiated claim which clearly cannot stand on its own.
In summary, the argument is flawed and utterly unconvincing. It could have been considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts and provided the correct examples. In order to comment on such a topic, it is extremely important to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
I would love feedback and tips on how to move forward.
13 Apr 2021, 18:26
Kudos
Bookmarks
Using the unofficial AWA grader GMATAWA, here is what I have:
Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template!
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
AWA Score: 5 - 5.5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template! https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
