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Two64
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Gokhra
cheetarah1980
jxatrillion
Hello Clubbers,

Interesting situation. I asked my manager, who I thought was going to write a raving review of my performance the past year as his Team Leader, today for a LOR. He responded, "You're the writer between us two. Write something and I'll sign it." I don't feel comfortable about this and I understand that he's not the best writer out there. I am willing however to coach him into his essay (send him a sheet with many questions so that we can put his short answers together) but he's not willing to do so. What is your advice for someone in my predicament?

Ask someone else. He should not be your recommender because he's not enthusiastic about your candidacy. You shouldn't write your own rec letters. If he can't or won't take the time to simply regurgitate the information you give him into a 1-2 page recommendation then he's not going to give you a raving review. Sorry.

I don't think its as simple as "he should not be your recommender because he's not enthusiastic about your candidacy." It is not uncommon for recommenders to ask applicants to write their own recommendations (and from what I understand, in some parts of the world it is common practice). It is a lot of work after all. This isn't necessarily because the recommender does not support your candidacy. He may very well lack confidence in his writing and does not want to write what he feels will end up not being a great recommendation.

You of course shouldn't write your own recommendation. I would suggest talk to him openly about your concerns with writing your own recs, and offer him any help he may need to write it on his own. Send him a list of your achievements and give him details of different projects of yours that he can highlight. Give him the stories that you would want him to mention in your recommendation. Once he has all of this in front of him, maybe he will feel differently about writing the recommendation.

In the end, if he is truly not enthusiastic about your candidacy, then find another recommender. But don't assume he isn't, just because he wants you to write your own recommendation.
What caused me to say that his manager won't be an enthusiastic recommender is because he stated, "I am willing however to coach him into his essay (send him a sheet with many questions so that we can put his short answers together) but he's not willing to do so." If I am somehow misunderstanding this statement then OP, please clarify. If someone says that the only effort they will put forth is to sign something you write even if you offer to coach them through the process and provide written examples of all your leadership/teamwork/community activities and a resume then I think that speaks to how much support they will give you. I was once told by an adcom that when you ask someone to be your recommender there should be no hesitation. If they say yes but hem and haw about being busy or not being a good writer then ask someone else. Those people tend to provide mediocre recommendations (i.e. vague, generic, lots of adjectives no details) or make you write your own (which is often obvious). As I said before, if I'm misinterpreting the situation then by all means take the time to coach your manager through the recommendation process.
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Two64
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Thanks guys for the advice! Gokhra, I actually spoke to him today again and expressed my concern more adamantly about my discomfort for "cheating." I praised him and told him how important this is to me and how I'm really grateful for all the opportunities he's given me this past year (he promoted me into Team Leader). He was actually shocked since he thought it was commonplace to have the person just write their own review.

I'm working on an email to him right now about examples I'd like to showcase and qualities my target schools admire. He mentioned again how he isn't a great writer but will get his wife to help too. Looks like it'll work out. Phew*

Now, onto my next reviewer.... hmmmmm
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jxatrillion
Thanks guys for the advice! Gokhra, I actually spoke to him today again and expressed my concern more adamantly about my discomfort for "cheating." I praised him and told him how important this is to me and how I'm really grateful for all the opportunities he's given me this past year (he promoted me into Team Leader). He was actually shocked since he thought it was commonplace to have the person just write their own review.

I'm working on an email to him right now about examples I'd like to showcase and qualities my target schools admire. He mentioned again how he isn't a great writer but will get his wife to help too. Looks like it'll work out. Phew*

Now, onto my next reviewer.... hmmmmm


That's great jxatrillion. I am glad to know it worked out well for you.