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sometimesitsnows01
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Turning Down an offer 23 Feb 2012, 09:38
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fcvald01
Well sorry if you didn't feel as insulted as I did. To me it sounded like an immature rant about getting an offer and telling everyone that she has some unique quality that other b-school applicants don't because she felt sorry for turning down the offer.
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Really not trying to make you feel insulted, just was addressing an aspect of the process I didn't feel was addressed. I'm sorry that you aren't having the luck you would want to be having, but as others have stated maybe you should have stayed away from the thread.

I had really felt this community was about supporting each other in the process and my post was certainly not about putting anyone down. I wish you could say the same about yours.
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Turning Down an offer 23 Feb 2012, 09:48
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GMATLA, couldn't have said it better.

C2F, good luck and I am sure you will get in somewhere. Your Gmat alone is very impressive. I understand you saying that one should be thick skinned and not click on "Turning down an offer" if you are being dinged from all the schools that you applied to. However, I have not even started the application process therefore this is not the reason I was offended. I was more offended about the second post and how she has the unique quality. I only clicked on the post because I thought there would be some insight into actually turning down an offer or something of that nature.

OPoster, I am here to support people and I only said what I said because some people probably felt that way but didn't speak out. How is talking about turning down offers and tooting your own horn about having some unique quality supporting others? Maybe the title to the post should have been "I turned down an offer and feel really bad about it." Then I would not have wasted my time arguing about this.
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Turning Down an offer 23 Feb 2012, 09:55
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Let's all agree that in this process involves a lot of rejection from both sides. It's a necessary evil, and we need to keep that in mind and ultimately do what is right for us. That doesn't mean we don't have to acknowledge that our decisions impact others, although I agree this shouldn't be a factor in the final choice.

fcvald01, thank you for the kind words. I didn't see the original point about it being a unique quality having compassion and could see where that rubbed you the wrong way. I think we can all agree there are plenty of compassionate people in the business world that can succeed, and while it can be a hindrance it can also be a good thing.

To me turning down an offer, is somewhat similar to breaking up with a girl you dated for a bit but nothing too serious. You liked her enough to show interest but ultimately the fit wasn't there. It doesn't mean you dislike the person or the person isn't right for someone else. In these cases, it's best to end it and move on. Most of the time we think our actions hurt others more than they actually do. (Most girls I break up with probably count there blessings a few weeks later, ha).
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Turning Down an offer 23 Feb 2012, 10:19
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C2F, you have a good way with words, you should have been a mediator! (I am an attorney, probably why I had to argue about this).

OP, sorry if I came a little harsh at you. Just thought it was a bad post. No need to keep beating a dead horse. Good luck with your future endeavors.
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Turning Down an offer 24 Feb 2012, 12:50
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fcvald01

Sometimesitsnow, if you really feel bad then send them a fruit basket and some Christmas cards. If your going to come on here and brag about turning down an offer and at the same time try to get some pity from people who can't even get into schools, well then I have no empathy for you. Also, I know your in law school, but this isn't a jury so you don't need to talk yourself up here. That stuff won't set you apart from the rest of the b-school applicants because people can cut right through that BS. Everyone here for the most part probably has that "dimension" but doesn't need to come on here to display it.
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Wow, talk about such arrogance.....this has to be the worst post I have ever seen since I joined this site.

I don't know where you got the idea that the OP was trying to brag about turning down an offer and try to get some pity and talk herself up here, but if you did - I honestly do feel sorry for you. You should try to view things from more positive perspective and be supportive, rather than being an a** with a twisted view for your sake and your ongoing/future applications' sake, because people can cut right through that BS and trust me, nobody likes it.

Btw, I'm only saying what I'm saying because some people probably feel the same as I do, but aren't speaking out. :)
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Turning Down an offer 24 Feb 2012, 13:34
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Well I am glad you took the time to represent those that may have wanted to speak out. I completely stand behind what I said, although I admit I could have been less sarcastic about it.

Look back through the OP posts. My point was that a lot of people come on here and talk about getting a lot of dings from schools and hope to get that one interview/acceptance. One person even posted that exact thing. The title is "turning down an offer" which could have meant a few different things. I certainly did not think it would be about a person feeling bad because she turned down an offer (maybe my bad assumption). Later the OP has the audacity to say that she has some unique trait that other BS people don't have. She also said something about her law school friends feeling bad about her situation. So if someone clicked on the thread and read they might think, well this person has a hard time dealing with turning down offer and then also has this trait that I don't have, it could make them feel pretty bad. I am not that sensitive, but honestly what is the point of saying that?

Like I said before, I have not been through the application process yet, so I am not one of those people, but I could be (I am sure you are hoping I am). I still feel there is no sensible reason to post something like this. This post has gotten a lot of mixed responses so that must mean that it probably wasn't good to begin with. One person even told her to shut up about it, but changed the post.

If you want to keep arguing about it, I will keep defending my post, but seriously do you need to do the same thing and take my post spin it around and make yourself feel good?
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Turning Down an offer 24 Feb 2012, 14:04
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I think we can all agree that, sometimes it snows... haha

But seriously... there are definitely two ways to look at her post and I see both perspectives...

Bottom line is though, with 1000s of people pulling their hair out on this site, most people don't want to hear about trouble turning down offers. Regardless of how innocent or non assuming she meant it to be. Especially when some people on this site might be on the waitlist for the school(s) she's having trouble turning down! I bet it's harder for them, waiting for an admit. Her compasion is directed at the wrong people. Adcoms wouldn't hesitate to ding you if you weren't good enough, no matter how good of a relationship you made.

It's like the ugly girls in school having to listen to the pretty girl talk about how hard it is to turn down the guys that asked her to prom... or the person who wants to go to college listening to the athlete talk about how hard it is to turn down scholarships he was offered... or the unemployed person listening to the guy with multiple job offeres saying how hard it is to turn down the other offers. Can you see why people don't want to help her? She's in a GREAT spot, complaining about how lucky she is, and complaining about all her hard work has paid off. Having compasion towards the Adcoms (the gatekeepers), when there is some unlucky sapp sitting on the waitlist praying that someone will decline.

Although GMAT club is a place to get support, she was unknowingly being insensitive and uncompassionate to many in the community. Although I do believe she deserves respect and a true answer to her question, b/c she is in fact in a position that isn't always easy.

My advice would be to send a hand written letter or card along with a small gift (chocolates maybe) and just thank them so much for being there for her through this stressful and challenging process. And although she strongly values the friendship and relationship they created, that for her best interest she has chosen to go to a competing school for x, y, and z. I will really miss that I won't be able to be involved in x, y, and z at your school, but I hope that we are able to continue a relationship into the future. I wish you best in the future... blah blah blah... An adcom will respect and understand her decision.
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Turning Down an offer 24 Feb 2012, 22:18
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sometimesitsnows01

Thanks! When I was telling some of my friends who are in law school about it they laughed at my "terrible problem."

I kind of feel that the way I feel/handle situations like this are just another dimension of who I am that sets me apart from standard b-school applicants, and that's definitely something I plan to leverage in the future :)
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I was reading this post and am on your side but this comment bothered me. Two points are:

1) You sound like assume the standard Bschool applicant is a emotionless. selfish person who will do whatever it takes to succeed. Some of these people I met on this board have bent over backward to help others. Some current students/alumni I have interacted with have gone far out of their way to help me succeed. I think you are wrong to assume the standard B-school Applicant mishandles situations or is completely emotionless and selfish. I withdrew an interview invitation from Cornell and I felt crappy about it.

2) I don't know about all the schools you apply to but the ones that I do are smaller programs with a smaller applicant pool. I can only speak about Tepper and Cornell but with a smaller applicant pool you do have the chance to make connections and bonds with the admissions staff. I was accepted to Michigan and CMU and now have a decision. I don't know anyone from Michigan admissions (i have interacted with multiple students) and if I decide on Tepper I would not feel bad at all about rejecting their offer. If I decided on Michigan, I think it would be a lot harder since I know most of the Tepper admissions staff. I felt like I earned the trust and friendship of the Tepper admissions team. I developed a relationship that meant my admission was more personal. I would feel like I was saying "no" to a friend where Michigan or any other larger school that I was saying "No" to a faceless university. So I don't think saying "No" is the same at every school.

Again maybe I am inferring too much about what you meant but that comment didn't sit well with me. That being said, you don't seem like a malicious or arrogant person and I am happy that this is your biggest problem. I can attest, people will say it is a good problem, and it is but it's a very difficult decision!

I wish you luck wherever you go! :-D I edited this message about 77 times because Jack Daniel's is a horrible editor.
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Turning Down an offer 25 Feb 2012, 12:03
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fcvald01
Well I am glad you took the time to represent those that may have wanted to speak out. I completely stand behind what I said, although I admit I could have been less sarcastic about it.

Look back through the OP posts. My point was that a lot of people come on here and talk about getting a lot of dings from schools and hope to get that one interview/acceptance. One person even posted that exact thing. The title is "turning down an offer" which could have meant a few different things. I certainly did not think it would be about a person feeling bad because she turned down an offer (maybe my bad assumption). Later the OP has the audacity to say that she has some unique trait that other BS people don't have. She also said something about her law school friends feeling bad about her situation. So if someone clicked on the thread and read they might think, well this person has a hard time dealing with turning down offer and then also has this trait that I don't have, it could make them feel pretty bad. I am not that sensitive, but honestly what is the point of saying that?

Like I said before, I have not been through the application process yet, so I am not one of those people, but I could be (I am sure you are hoping I am). I still feel there is no sensible reason to post something like this. This post has gotten a lot of mixed responses so that must mean that it probably wasn't good to begin with. One person even told her to shut up about it, but changed the post.

If you want to keep arguing about it, I will keep defending my post, but seriously do you need to do the same thing and take my post spin it around and make yourself feel good?
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Hey man, I hear you and understand where you are coming from. Also, I would never hope that you'd have dings from your dream schools - not just you, but anybody. Dings blow, I've got some. Trust me, as much as I was being an ass on my earlier post, I am actually a nice guy, believe it or not. :)

The only reason why I recycled your words on my post was to show you that just as the OP's wording could have offended lots of people, as you proved so could have yours.....perhaps we could all, including myself, be little more careful with how we word things.

Good luck with everything!
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Turning Down an offer 28 Feb 2012, 14:35
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I agree with you and you proved that a lot of things on this thread were said and probably were taken the wrong way. Sometimes its hard to express sarcasm or humor behind posts. Either way, we can all agree that most people here have everyone's best interest at heart, but some of us are just smart assess (talking about myself).
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Turning Down an offer 15 Apr 2012, 12:13
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Do most people turn down an offer online or do they actually mail the adcom? How do you inform your interviewer in case it is an adcom member (not alum in which case I assume you do it personally)?
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Turning Down an offer 20 Jan 2014, 00:25
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Hello from the GMAT Club MBAbot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

Want to see all other topics I dig out? Follow me (click follow button on profile). You will receive a summary of all topics I bump in your profile area as well as via email.
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