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10 Jun 2012, 07:29
Kudos
Bookmarks
First attempt at AWA, written as part of Kaplan Diagnostic test. I think this would probably score in the range 3.5-4, right? Please provide feedback. Thanks!!
Stimulus: “To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”
Response:
The writer makes several assumptions without providing sufficient evidence in support of his argument that the government should increase the price of postage stamps in order to reverse the deterioration of the postal service.
Firstly, the assumption that such a move will lead to increased revenues is without any evidence. It is possible, or even likely, that higher postage costs might lead the general public to reduce their usage of postage stamps and use other alternatives, such as electronic forms of communication and telecom. This is also the expectation of the writer, as is clear from the mention of reduced mail postal volume in the given argument. In the absence of any evidence that shows that the revenues are likely to increase even with the reduced volumes, the writer's assumption is seriously flawed.
Further, the writer assumes, while making the given argument, that the reduction in volumes would reduce the strain on the existing system and boost morale. There is nothing mentioned to support the assumption that the current mail volume is a strain on the system and that the existing system is not equipped to handle this volume. In the absence of any supporting evidence, it might even prove counter-productive to increase prices, as it might lead to disturbing an optimized system and creating unwarranted wastage in the system.
In addition, the writer's assertion that a reduction in volume would boost morale is also highly questionable as such a reduction could, in fact, lead to lower job satisfaction among postal workers on account of being under-utilized. It could even lead to a lesser need for manpower in the postal department and affect the job security of postal employees, leading to a dip in morale.
Therefore, the recommendation to raise the prices of stamps is utterly unconvincing based on the information provided above and needs to be supported by much stronger evidence to be considered a reasonable argument.
Stimulus: “To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”
Response:
The writer makes several assumptions without providing sufficient evidence in support of his argument that the government should increase the price of postage stamps in order to reverse the deterioration of the postal service.
Firstly, the assumption that such a move will lead to increased revenues is without any evidence. It is possible, or even likely, that higher postage costs might lead the general public to reduce their usage of postage stamps and use other alternatives, such as electronic forms of communication and telecom. This is also the expectation of the writer, as is clear from the mention of reduced mail postal volume in the given argument. In the absence of any evidence that shows that the revenues are likely to increase even with the reduced volumes, the writer's assumption is seriously flawed.
Further, the writer assumes, while making the given argument, that the reduction in volumes would reduce the strain on the existing system and boost morale. There is nothing mentioned to support the assumption that the current mail volume is a strain on the system and that the existing system is not equipped to handle this volume. In the absence of any supporting evidence, it might even prove counter-productive to increase prices, as it might lead to disturbing an optimized system and creating unwarranted wastage in the system.
In addition, the writer's assertion that a reduction in volume would boost morale is also highly questionable as such a reduction could, in fact, lead to lower job satisfaction among postal workers on account of being under-utilized. It could even lead to a lesser need for manpower in the postal department and affect the job security of postal employees, leading to a dip in morale.
Therefore, the recommendation to raise the prices of stamps is utterly unconvincing based on the information provided above and needs to be supported by much stronger evidence to be considered a reasonable argument.
15 Jul 2021, 09:43
Kudos
Bookmarks
Can someone please review my essay, as well? highly appreciated.
The argument claims that the deterioration of the postal service can be reversed by an increase in the price of postage stamps and makes the same recommendation to the government. The argument vouches for the effectiveness of the recommendation based on certain assumptions for which no clear evidence is provided. Therefore, the argument is unconvincing and falls apart at the seams.
First, the argument makes the assumption of accrediting the deterioration of postal services to strain on the existing system and low morale. However, no evidence has been provided to support this assumption. There could be other reasons for the deterioration of postal services such as poor management, people preferring alternatives to postal services such as e-mail or private couriers, high prices of postal services, etc. This assumption could have been bolstered by the provision of hard evidence to suggest strain on the existing system and low morale as the reasons for the deterioration of postal services.
Second, the argument claims that raising the price of the postage stamps will generate larger revenues. It predicts that a rise in prices of postage stamps will lead to a decline in the volume of mail but will still generate larger revenues. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. The argument would have been much clearer had it provided statistics regarding the prices and usage of the postage stamps. For example, if the initial number of postage stamps used is 50 and the price of each stamp is $1, then the revenue generated is $50; if the price is increased to $2 per postage stamp but the number of stamps used per month declines to 20, then the revenue generated is $40. Hence, the revenue generated might decrease. Due to a rise in the prices, there may be a steep decline in the usage of postage stamps as people may find more economic alternatives to using the postage stamps. Moreover, since the postal services have already deteriorated, increase in price will not be justified to consumers and hence increased revenues will not be reflected at least in the short term. Even if the revenues are increased, the money management at the postal department should also be considered to address the problem at hand.
Finally the argument assumes that a reduction in volume of mail will eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved morale. However, this could be an incorrect assumption because, if the volume of mail reduces steeply, then it may lead to lay-offs to keep up with falling revenues. This could have a reverse effect and could lead to low morale among workers, which, in turn, may lead to further deterioration of the postal services.
In summary, the argument fails to convince because of the aforementioned faulty assumptions. The argument could have been strengthened by providing effective evidence for stating strain on the existing system and low morale as the reasons behind deterioration of the postal system. If the argument had drawn upon the examples as suggested and plugged in the holes in reasoning, it would have been far sounder on the whole.
The argument claims that the deterioration of the postal service can be reversed by an increase in the price of postage stamps and makes the same recommendation to the government. The argument vouches for the effectiveness of the recommendation based on certain assumptions for which no clear evidence is provided. Therefore, the argument is unconvincing and falls apart at the seams.
First, the argument makes the assumption of accrediting the deterioration of postal services to strain on the existing system and low morale. However, no evidence has been provided to support this assumption. There could be other reasons for the deterioration of postal services such as poor management, people preferring alternatives to postal services such as e-mail or private couriers, high prices of postal services, etc. This assumption could have been bolstered by the provision of hard evidence to suggest strain on the existing system and low morale as the reasons for the deterioration of postal services.
Second, the argument claims that raising the price of the postage stamps will generate larger revenues. It predicts that a rise in prices of postage stamps will lead to a decline in the volume of mail but will still generate larger revenues. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. The argument would have been much clearer had it provided statistics regarding the prices and usage of the postage stamps. For example, if the initial number of postage stamps used is 50 and the price of each stamp is $1, then the revenue generated is $50; if the price is increased to $2 per postage stamp but the number of stamps used per month declines to 20, then the revenue generated is $40. Hence, the revenue generated might decrease. Due to a rise in the prices, there may be a steep decline in the usage of postage stamps as people may find more economic alternatives to using the postage stamps. Moreover, since the postal services have already deteriorated, increase in price will not be justified to consumers and hence increased revenues will not be reflected at least in the short term. Even if the revenues are increased, the money management at the postal department should also be considered to address the problem at hand.
Finally the argument assumes that a reduction in volume of mail will eliminate the strain on the existing system and contribute to improved morale. However, this could be an incorrect assumption because, if the volume of mail reduces steeply, then it may lead to lay-offs to keep up with falling revenues. This could have a reverse effect and could lead to low morale among workers, which, in turn, may lead to further deterioration of the postal services.
In summary, the argument fails to convince because of the aforementioned faulty assumptions. The argument could have been strengthened by providing effective evidence for stating strain on the existing system and low morale as the reasons behind deterioration of the postal system. If the argument had drawn upon the examples as suggested and plugged in the holes in reasoning, it would have been far sounder on the whole.
16 Jul 2021, 00:29
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hi fp123
I assume your essay is based on the following prompt:
“To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”
If this is the case below is the score on this essay.
Good Luck
I assume your essay is based on the following prompt:
“To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”
If this is the case below is the score on this essay.
AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 2.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 2.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
fp123
