Can someone please rate this AWA essay ? GMAT in 4 days.

Question

Stem: "Two years ago, City L was listed 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. This information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish."

The argument that City L can be identified as place, where schools are good and housing is affordable, because City L was listed 14th in the survey omits some very important considerations that need to be addressed to get a full 360-degree view of the described scenario. The Conclusion of the argument relies on assumption that all the factors listed in the argument were used to calculate quality of life, for which there is no clear evidence. While the author's argument has some merit, it suffers from number of flaws, ranging from flimsy use of evidence to ill-conceived elements of assumption.
Firstly, the argument assumes that all the factors such as good schools, affordable housing, friendly people, safe environment, and flourishing art were used to calculate the quality of life. The factors used to calculate quality of life in city L could have been entirely different or not exactly same as the author listed. Another example is that factors listed in the argument hold the least weight to determine quality of life in city L. The argument could have been better if the author would have explicitly stated the factors based on which quality of life was calculated in city L.
Secondly, the argument assumes that if the quality of life was enjoyed by those living in city L then city L will surely have good schools, affordable housing. From this statement again, it is not at all clear that how can author determine the factors upon which quality of life was enjoyed without giving evidence. To illustrate, the population of city L could be composed of just elderly people who do not need good schools. While the quality of life was enjoyed by elderly people, it does not necessarily mean that housing was affordable. The population of city L could constitute entirely of rich families who can afford pricey housing and still enjoy quality of life. If the argument had mentioned that the quality of life was enjoyed by population in city L because of its good schools and affordable housing then the argument would have been much cleaner.
Lastly, the argument assumes that results of survey still hold good after 2 years. It could also be true that in last two years city L has slipped the rank and is no more a place with enjoyable quality of life. Without the above mentioned evidence, one is left with impression that the argument is not substantiated in any way. As a result, the author needs to state that survey results still hold good in order for the conclusion to stay air-tight.
In summary, the argument is extremely flawed because of the above mentioned reasons and hence come across as weak and unconvincing to the reader. Without the above mentioned facts, the argument is unsubstantiated and open to debate.

prasi55 · Answer

It's a decent essay. The main points are covered. You could have mentioned that there is no information about the ranking of other cities in the same state. Note that the question is talking about giving options to people who are moving to the state in which L is located. So you should have compared L with other cities in the same state. Your reasoning is generic.

Pay attention to the use of articles. Many of your sentences need articles. "A" place, "the" assumption, "the" same, clear "how the author can", "the" results, "the" survey, ...

--Prasad
EnterMBA.in

Pay attention to the use of articles. Many of your sentences need articles. "A" place, "the" assumption, "the" same, clear "how the author can", "the" results, "the" survey, ...

--Prasad
EnterMBA.in

nailthemonster · Answer

Thanks Prasad for your valuable feedback. I will try to improve on the articles.

Roughly how much score would you give to this essay ?

prasi55 · Answer

Glad to help. I would give this essay a 4.5. All the best for your GMAT and let us know how you did.

wikdwik · Answer

Could sme1 review my essay please.

In the argument, the author concludes that people will opt City L as a place to settle in when they move in to the state. The author basis his conclusion on insufficient fact that the people who will move into the state will base their decision of settling into City L on a survey, which was conducted two years ago, that ranked City L 14th for the quality of life the city then provided. The author assumes a certain aspects. His assumptions are flawed, a few include:

Firstly, the author primarily assumes that the organization that has conducted this survey has any legal or government approving to conduct such an survey and that the survey was not conducted by some private body. Till the time it is not clear as to who has conducted the survey and what authenticity the survey has people may never bother to refer to the survey. It could very well be the case that just to attract more and more people a fake survey result was posted, by private organizations within the City L for their selfish interests, to lure people moving into the state.

Secondly, the author presumes that the results of the survey that was conducted two years ago still hold today to the present day scenario. Two years is certainly a lot of time and a lot could have changed in the state like, for example, other cities must have developed much better than City L or City L may have become overcrowded and not much place may be available for new comers. In such a case the people who would move into the state would certainly take a wrong decision to settle in City L.

Thirdly, the author presupposes that all the cities were included in the survey with which City L was compared and then ranked 14th for the quality of life it then was providing. Since it is not clear from the argument as to what other cities were included in the survey, one can certainly not rely on such an annual survey. This is because it could be the case that only a few for example fifteen or sixteen cities were compared in the survey and other fifty cities were not even considered. In such a case a rank of 14th out of 15 or 16 does not anywhere near goes to show that City L was an good option to choose then when the survey was conducted.

Fourthly, the author additionally assumes that the people who move into the state really have any options to choose from that is whether they can choose to move particularly to City L or not. This is because if the work requires them to move and settle to city X or city Y then the survey results would carry no meaning to them. 
Therefore, for the reasons cited above the argument in its current form is ill-constructed and basically flawed.

extra assumption : criteria and parameters on which the survey was based. ( no time left )

icanandwill · Answer

The argument claims that the fact that City L was listed fourteenth in an annual survey two years ago, implies that the City L has attributes such as good schools, affordable housing, friendly people, safe environment etc. The argument is based on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the argument cites results from a survey that was conducted two years ago as an evidence that the city L has good quality of life. However, there is no assurance that the results from two years ago still hold good. Hence, to make this assumption more convincing, the author must provide results from a more recent survey or provide evidence that there is no change in City L’s ranking in past two years.

Second, the argument does not specify the total number of cities included in the survey. Without this crucial information, the ranking of the City L is not at all meaningful. For example, if the survey included fifteen cities from the state of city L, fourteenth ranking would mean that City L is one of the lowest ranking city in terms of quality of life. Conversely, if the ranking included 100 cities nationwide, it would mean that City L is one of best cities in quality of life.

Third, the argument readily assumes that since City L was listed fourteenth in an annual survey, this means that the City L fares well on parameters such as good schools, affordable housing, friendly people, safe environment etc. However, ‘quality of life’ may not be necessarily defined by these attributes on the survey. For some, quality of life could also mean less traffic, lesser commute from work to office and hence better work-life balance. Hence, the meaning of ‘quality of life’ is quite subjective and therefore, this assumption is unwarranted.

In conclusion, without further information, the argument stands unsubstantiated and open to debate. The author must provide further information, as stated above, to make the argument more compelling.

Can someone please rate this AWA essay ? GMAT in 4 days.

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