Hi,
Can you please rate my essay. This is my first attempt. Need your feedback.
"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees."
The argument claims that Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location. This conclusion relies on the premise stating that centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and help the company in maintaining better supervision of all employees. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention the key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument claims that having centralized office would improve the profitability of the company. This claim is based on the premise stating that when Apogee Company had all its operation in one location, it was more profitable. The author does not present the factors why the company was in profit during that period and what factors are affecting now to reduce the profit. The profits can be reduced because of the several factors. For example, recently an article was published in Business Week regarding slow growth of economy and recession period being forecasted in near future. The slow growth of the economy will affect the company profits, such a period might not have occurred when the company had centralized office keeping the profit margins high. Also the company has started investing in opening new field offices in-order to expand by reducing its profit margin. Clearly, the argument would have been much clearer if it explicitly stated factors affecting company profits.
Second, the argument assumes that having a centralized office will help in maintaining better supervision of all employees. This assumption will not be applicable if the management officers/directors are at fault. If the company managers do not have appropriate skills to supervise the employees, having centralized office will not make any sense. Also recently few managers were fired from field offices because of mismanagement and non-supervision skills. If the argument had provided more evidence regarding mismanagement or less supervision caused by having multiple field offices then the argument would have been a lot convincing.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could been considerably strengthened if the author had mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to evaluate the merits and demerits of decision, it is essential to consider all the contributing factors.