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26 Jul 2021, 07:38
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Prompt:
The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles:
“In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart’s Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960’s, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners ofthe new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.”
My Essay:
The above argument is flawed for numerous reasons. The assumption that the people are not concerned about their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses because a store started selling cheese and the new restaurant selling beef is earning more than the vegetarian restaurant is unsubstantiated.
Firstly, their is no evidence stating that the Heart's Delight store started selling the fatty cheeses in the recent years only. One can also assume that they apart from the organic fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain flours used to sell those cheeses since the inception of the store which was in 1960's. Hence, the assumption that because they are selling cheese, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about their fatty cheese intake is unjustified.
Moreover, their is no statistical data provided to compare the sells of the fatty cheeses now from the sells a decade ago. Hence, their is no prove whatsoever about the quantities of these cheese sold over the period of 10 years. This lack of data substantially weakens the argument.
Moreover, the comparison of the Good Earth Cafe 's owners and House of Beef's owners monetary position is insignificant to the argument because their is no evidence stating that their financial standing was solely because of the sells of their restaurants. There can be a lot of factors which decides the earnings of a business including if the establishment is a stand alone restaurant or a franchise, what are the other business that their owners own, what the prices od the items in their menu etc. This comparison does not prove that the people are less concerned about their red meat intake.
Lastly, the argument can be strengthened by providing the significant statistical evidences relevant to the statement. And, also by stating the examples which are more aligned with the argument instead of unrelated comparisons.
The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles:
“In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart’s Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960’s, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners ofthe new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.”
My Essay:
The above argument is flawed for numerous reasons. The assumption that the people are not concerned about their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses because a store started selling cheese and the new restaurant selling beef is earning more than the vegetarian restaurant is unsubstantiated.
Firstly, their is no evidence stating that the Heart's Delight store started selling the fatty cheeses in the recent years only. One can also assume that they apart from the organic fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain flours used to sell those cheeses since the inception of the store which was in 1960's. Hence, the assumption that because they are selling cheese, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about their fatty cheese intake is unjustified.
Moreover, their is no statistical data provided to compare the sells of the fatty cheeses now from the sells a decade ago. Hence, their is no prove whatsoever about the quantities of these cheese sold over the period of 10 years. This lack of data substantially weakens the argument.
Moreover, the comparison of the Good Earth Cafe 's owners and House of Beef's owners monetary position is insignificant to the argument because their is no evidence stating that their financial standing was solely because of the sells of their restaurants. There can be a lot of factors which decides the earnings of a business including if the establishment is a stand alone restaurant or a franchise, what are the other business that their owners own, what the prices od the items in their menu etc. This comparison does not prove that the people are less concerned about their red meat intake.
Lastly, the argument can be strengthened by providing the significant statistical evidences relevant to the statement. And, also by stating the examples which are more aligned with the argument instead of unrelated comparisons.
28 Jul 2021, 02:39
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AWA Score: 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Please follow the AWA rules while posting, read the rules here: https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
Good Luck
saumyap
24 Jan 2023, 09:36
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