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29 Jan 2022, 01:28
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The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro.” Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The argument opines that residents of San Perdito would have been better served, if they had voted Montoya out of office and re-elected Varro, who held the office before Montoya, as mayor of San Perdito. This conclusion is based on the comparison drawn between the unemployment rate along with population change during Montoya's time in office and that during Varro's. However, this line of reasoning for author's conclusion is flawed for several reasons.
First, argument assumes that economic growth is the sole factor that voters consider to elect their mayor and ignores other factors, such as infrastructure development, improvement in public utilities, educational reforms etc., which may influence the decision of voters of San Perdito. What if corruption was at its peak during Varro's time in office? Residents of San Perdito would be wretched and would have decided to overthrow him, even though unemployment rate was low, and the conclusion of the argument no longer holds. Had the argument compared other key factors also, it would have strengthened the argument.
Second, even if economic growth/conditions is the only factor to be considered, argument ignores the fact that economic conditions are determined by complex interplay of various key indicators and bases its conclusion on one single indicator i.e unemployment rate. Further, argument does not provide any reason for low unemployment rate during the tenure of Varro. It could be the case that even though unemployment rate was low, minimum wage was also low during that time because of surplus availability of labours, which in turn is a result of increased population. If this holds true, then residents of San Perdito during Varro's tenure, though employed, may not be as happy as or as prosperous as they were during the time when Montoya was in office, and thus, they are better off without Varro.
Third, in stating that two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened when Montoya served as mayor of the city, argument ignores that present consequences can be result of past actions. For instance, businesses that were closed during Montoya's time either would have predestined to die even if Varro had been in office or could have closed due to economic reforms brought in by Varro's economic policy. Moreover, argument sheds no light on businesses closed when Varro served as mayor. Hence, with the information provided in the argument, it is difficult to say under whom would be the residents of San Perdito better served.
For these reasons, argument fails to make a convincing case for its conclusion.
“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro.” Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The argument opines that residents of San Perdito would have been better served, if they had voted Montoya out of office and re-elected Varro, who held the office before Montoya, as mayor of San Perdito. This conclusion is based on the comparison drawn between the unemployment rate along with population change during Montoya's time in office and that during Varro's. However, this line of reasoning for author's conclusion is flawed for several reasons.
First, argument assumes that economic growth is the sole factor that voters consider to elect their mayor and ignores other factors, such as infrastructure development, improvement in public utilities, educational reforms etc., which may influence the decision of voters of San Perdito. What if corruption was at its peak during Varro's time in office? Residents of San Perdito would be wretched and would have decided to overthrow him, even though unemployment rate was low, and the conclusion of the argument no longer holds. Had the argument compared other key factors also, it would have strengthened the argument.
Second, even if economic growth/conditions is the only factor to be considered, argument ignores the fact that economic conditions are determined by complex interplay of various key indicators and bases its conclusion on one single indicator i.e unemployment rate. Further, argument does not provide any reason for low unemployment rate during the tenure of Varro. It could be the case that even though unemployment rate was low, minimum wage was also low during that time because of surplus availability of labours, which in turn is a result of increased population. If this holds true, then residents of San Perdito during Varro's tenure, though employed, may not be as happy as or as prosperous as they were during the time when Montoya was in office, and thus, they are better off without Varro.
Third, in stating that two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened when Montoya served as mayor of the city, argument ignores that present consequences can be result of past actions. For instance, businesses that were closed during Montoya's time either would have predestined to die even if Varro had been in office or could have closed due to economic reforms brought in by Varro's economic policy. Moreover, argument sheds no light on businesses closed when Varro served as mayor. Hence, with the information provided in the argument, it is difficult to say under whom would be the residents of San Perdito better served.
For these reasons, argument fails to make a convincing case for its conclusion.
29 Jan 2022, 03:50
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AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
The following AWA guides are recommended to get a score of 6.
https://gmatclub.com/forum/the-gmatclub ... 36251.html
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
Also read the AWA forum rules before posting
https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
Good Luck
manpreet0511
18 May 2022, 22:35
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Please score my writing as well.
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and
the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under
Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population
increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and
reelected Varro.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
----------
MY RESPONSE
-----------
The editor recommends that the residents of San Perdito should vote to remove Montoya and re-elect Varro as Mayor for better development. Editor bases this recommendation on the fact that under Montoya's charge, the unemployment in San Perdito increased despite decrease in population whereas under Varro, San Perdito saw decrease in unemployment even with increase in population. Editor further backs his conclusion by the fact that for every new business, two existing business got closed under Montoya. However, this argument is problematic in various respects.
Firstly, author relates increase in population and decrease in unemployment without taking into account the age group of population that got increased. There is a possibility that the age groups that increased the population during Varro's time, were the age groups that were not employable. Hence, unemployment decreased because the employable population got employment readily. Similarly, the trend of decrease in population and increase in unemployment in Montoya's can not be related to bad policies without a supporting evidence. It is possible that percentage of employable population in San Perdito during Montoya's time was greater than the percentage during Varro's charge and hence, trends show increase in unemployment.
Secondly, mere closing of two business for each new business does not indicate that mayor's policies were bad and employment opportunities were reduced. It is quite possible that the new businesses that opened were larger in scale as compared to the ones that got closed and created more employment and revenue than the two businesses that got closed combined. Therefore, author may consider to provide more statistical information on net number of job opportunities created/reduced by opening of new businesses to support his argument.
In conclusion, the argument as such is based on some hasty assumptions, without considering the underlying reasons of trends provided. So, in order to strengthen his argument, author can consider including statistical data depicting the age groups of population, ratio of employable/unemployable population and other factors like general recession, federal policies etc. that can affect employment in a city under both mayors. Also, including information regarding the net effect of closing and opening of businesses under Montoya and policy changes that caused these effects would help author to explain the conclusion in a reasonable way.
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and
the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under
Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population
increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and
reelected Varro.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
----------
MY RESPONSE
-----------
The editor recommends that the residents of San Perdito should vote to remove Montoya and re-elect Varro as Mayor for better development. Editor bases this recommendation on the fact that under Montoya's charge, the unemployment in San Perdito increased despite decrease in population whereas under Varro, San Perdito saw decrease in unemployment even with increase in population. Editor further backs his conclusion by the fact that for every new business, two existing business got closed under Montoya. However, this argument is problematic in various respects.
Firstly, author relates increase in population and decrease in unemployment without taking into account the age group of population that got increased. There is a possibility that the age groups that increased the population during Varro's time, were the age groups that were not employable. Hence, unemployment decreased because the employable population got employment readily. Similarly, the trend of decrease in population and increase in unemployment in Montoya's can not be related to bad policies without a supporting evidence. It is possible that percentage of employable population in San Perdito during Montoya's time was greater than the percentage during Varro's charge and hence, trends show increase in unemployment.
Secondly, mere closing of two business for each new business does not indicate that mayor's policies were bad and employment opportunities were reduced. It is quite possible that the new businesses that opened were larger in scale as compared to the ones that got closed and created more employment and revenue than the two businesses that got closed combined. Therefore, author may consider to provide more statistical information on net number of job opportunities created/reduced by opening of new businesses to support his argument.
In conclusion, the argument as such is based on some hasty assumptions, without considering the underlying reasons of trends provided. So, in order to strengthen his argument, author can consider including statistical data depicting the age groups of population, ratio of employable/unemployable population and other factors like general recession, federal policies etc. that can affect employment in a city under both mayors. Also, including information regarding the net effect of closing and opening of businesses under Montoya and policy changes that caused these effects would help author to explain the conclusion in a reasonable way.
