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01 May 2022, 06:47
Kudos
Bookmarks
Hi to all GMAT comunity!
I'm sharing my first AWA practice essay. Any feedback is welcome!
Thanks in advance
Prompt
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen
foods:
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become
more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day
service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And
since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
Brainstorming
# 1
Vague words - Organizations do things better. What is better?
#2
Inappropiate comparisons - How is color film proccesing comparable to frozen food? Time?
#3
Errors in causality - Experience will minimize costs
Introduction
The argument that appeared in the Olympic Foods annual report sent to their stakeholders claims that their experience in the frozen foods industry will make their costs go down and increase profit. This argument contains some egregious flaws in reasoning making the conclusion doubtful.
Body paragraph #1
Primarily, the argument commits errors in causality when drawing the grand sweeping conclusion that gaining experience will result in cost reduction. Of course that time gives organizations the possibility to learn from the past, but is this enough to cause a reduction in cost? It is most likely that time and cost reduction have a high correlation rather than a cause-effect relation. Taking this into consideration, the author fails to provide evidence regarding internal and external aspects that may result in this effect. For example, considering the organization itself, they could be planning to implement some new process regarding their operations, or a more efficient way to carry-out their logistics. As far as the external environment is concerned, the author may explore whether or not the organization can expect a decrease in the cost of the supplies or the services they consume.
Body paragraph #2
Having presented such questionable evidence, the author then cites the case of the color film processing industry to provide evidence to the argument. This comparison is inappropriate for two main reasons. Firstly, the business of film processing seems to have little in common with the frozen food one regarding the services and products they offer, then the assumption that Olympic Foods will reflect this cost reduction effect is without basis. Even if we assume that the comparison is fair, the time lapse considered to draw this parallelism is 30 years away from the present. We hardly can expect that the economic conditions and consumer needs remained the same over time. Instead, the argument should have provided information regarding how the frozen food industry is developing over the past few years to make the argument stand on more solid ground.
Body paragraph #3
The evidence cited involves ambiguous language. For example, the argument asserts that the organizations learn how to “do things better” as they gain experience in the industry. The author fails to indicate which aspects of the business are being improved, and therefore providing a justified argument. For example, the improvements may come from core operations, logistics, financial aspects, among other possibilities.
Conclusion
Because the argument makes several unwarranted assumptions, it fails to make a convincing case that the Olympic Food 25 year experience will result in a reduction in cost.
I'm sharing my first AWA practice essay. Any feedback is welcome!
Thanks in advance
Prompt
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen
foods:
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become
more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day
service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And
since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to
minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
Brainstorming
# 1
Vague words - Organizations do things better. What is better?
#2
Inappropiate comparisons - How is color film proccesing comparable to frozen food? Time?
#3
Errors in causality - Experience will minimize costs
Introduction
The argument that appeared in the Olympic Foods annual report sent to their stakeholders claims that their experience in the frozen foods industry will make their costs go down and increase profit. This argument contains some egregious flaws in reasoning making the conclusion doubtful.
Body paragraph #1
Primarily, the argument commits errors in causality when drawing the grand sweeping conclusion that gaining experience will result in cost reduction. Of course that time gives organizations the possibility to learn from the past, but is this enough to cause a reduction in cost? It is most likely that time and cost reduction have a high correlation rather than a cause-effect relation. Taking this into consideration, the author fails to provide evidence regarding internal and external aspects that may result in this effect. For example, considering the organization itself, they could be planning to implement some new process regarding their operations, or a more efficient way to carry-out their logistics. As far as the external environment is concerned, the author may explore whether or not the organization can expect a decrease in the cost of the supplies or the services they consume.
Body paragraph #2
Having presented such questionable evidence, the author then cites the case of the color film processing industry to provide evidence to the argument. This comparison is inappropriate for two main reasons. Firstly, the business of film processing seems to have little in common with the frozen food one regarding the services and products they offer, then the assumption that Olympic Foods will reflect this cost reduction effect is without basis. Even if we assume that the comparison is fair, the time lapse considered to draw this parallelism is 30 years away from the present. We hardly can expect that the economic conditions and consumer needs remained the same over time. Instead, the argument should have provided information regarding how the frozen food industry is developing over the past few years to make the argument stand on more solid ground.
Body paragraph #3
The evidence cited involves ambiguous language. For example, the argument asserts that the organizations learn how to “do things better” as they gain experience in the industry. The author fails to indicate which aspects of the business are being improved, and therefore providing a justified argument. For example, the improvements may come from core operations, logistics, financial aspects, among other possibilities.
Conclusion
Because the argument makes several unwarranted assumptions, it fails to make a convincing case that the Olympic Food 25 year experience will result in a reduction in cost.
01 May 2022, 09:13
Kudos
Bookmarks
Well analysed interpretation of the argument in the stimulus..
You have covered all relevant aspects with clear assessments..Great effort..
You have covered all relevant aspects with clear assessments..Great effort..
02 May 2022, 06:42
Kudos
Bookmarks
Welcome to GMAT Club!
1. DO NOT JUST COPY AND PASTE, be responsible, after pasting text in the posting box format it and make it presentable.
2. Follow posting rules before posting anything, follow the link below to read the AWA subforum posting rules:
https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
3. You probably need to overhaul your AWA essay approach, this essay does not even look alike a GMAT essay, read the following AWA guides thoroughly and practice again.
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
https://gmatclub.com/forum/the-gmatclub ... 36251.html
Good Luck
AWA Score: 3 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 4/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 1/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 2/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Coherence and connectivity: 4/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 1/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 2/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
1. DO NOT JUST COPY AND PASTE, be responsible, after pasting text in the posting box format it and make it presentable.
2. Follow posting rules before posting anything, follow the link below to read the AWA subforum posting rules:
https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
3. You probably need to overhaul your AWA essay approach, this essay does not even look alike a GMAT essay, read the following AWA guides thoroughly and practice again.
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
https://gmatclub.com/forum/the-gmatclub ... 36251.html
Good Luck
SantiagoToneguzzo
