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13 Aug 2009, 10:41
Kudos
Bookmarks
I am a non-native speaker and weak in writing essays. Though I am proficient in talking, I find it difficult to put my thoughts and words in writing. Hence, I am planning to write two essays every day, one argument and one issue, to improve my grammar, spelling, writing style and speed. I am also planning to use GMAC’s essay rating service, after enough preparation because I do not want to waste money on a poorly written essay.
Can we post our essays in this forum; review other member’s essays and get our essays reviewed? This will not only improve our writing skills but also present different point of views and style of writing. If we can compile good essays, that will be helpful to many aspirants.
To start with, I am posting an argument essay that I wrote this morning. I followed the template in GmatClub’s AWA guide.
-Thanks!
===========================================================================
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
The argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location; hence, it should close down its field offices and centralize all its operations to improve profitability and supervise all employees. Stated this way, the argument fails to consider many key factors, based on which it could be evaluated. The conclusion is based on assumptions that have no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has flaws.
First, the argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location. Although this statement sounds persuasive, operating from one location cannot be the only factor for a company's profits. Many factors influence company's profit such as management decisions, marketing strategies, quality control, sales and profit margin. Failing to consider the above-mentioned factors, while comparing profits before and after operating the company from different locations, makes the argument weak.
Second, the argument concludes to close the operating field offices to cut costs and improve profits. However, the argument fails to weigh the benefits of having a local presence of the company versus operation cost. Operation costs need not necessarily come down by shutting down a field office because travelling and other expenses might add up to the operation cost. If all the employees were asked to relocate to the main office then the company should provide relocation package, else if the employees were to be laid-off, the company would have to provide severance package, all adding to company's expense. Failing to weigh the benefits of local presence and estimate other expenses involved in travelling and re-location or severance, the conclusion lacks evidence.
In addition, the argument says that the company can supervise all employees when they are at one location. This assumption is flawed because effective people management does not require mere physical presence. To improve productivity, and eventually profit, employees need adequate skills, on job training and good work environment. To the company, the value addition of an employee matters more than physical presence of an employee.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
Can we post our essays in this forum; review other member’s essays and get our essays reviewed? This will not only improve our writing skills but also present different point of views and style of writing. If we can compile good essays, that will be helpful to many aspirants.
To start with, I am posting an argument essay that I wrote this morning. I followed the template in GmatClub’s AWA guide.
-Thanks!
===========================================================================
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
The argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location; hence, it should close down its field offices and centralize all its operations to improve profitability and supervise all employees. Stated this way, the argument fails to consider many key factors, based on which it could be evaluated. The conclusion is based on assumptions that have no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has flaws.
First, the argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location. Although this statement sounds persuasive, operating from one location cannot be the only factor for a company's profits. Many factors influence company's profit such as management decisions, marketing strategies, quality control, sales and profit margin. Failing to consider the above-mentioned factors, while comparing profits before and after operating the company from different locations, makes the argument weak.
Second, the argument concludes to close the operating field offices to cut costs and improve profits. However, the argument fails to weigh the benefits of having a local presence of the company versus operation cost. Operation costs need not necessarily come down by shutting down a field office because travelling and other expenses might add up to the operation cost. If all the employees were asked to relocate to the main office then the company should provide relocation package, else if the employees were to be laid-off, the company would have to provide severance package, all adding to company's expense. Failing to weigh the benefits of local presence and estimate other expenses involved in travelling and re-location or severance, the conclusion lacks evidence.
In addition, the argument says that the company can supervise all employees when they are at one location. This assumption is flawed because effective people management does not require mere physical presence. To improve productivity, and eventually profit, employees need adequate skills, on job training and good work environment. To the company, the value addition of an employee matters more than physical presence of an employee.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
13 Aug 2009, 11:00
Kudos
Bookmarks
Good idea! Kudos!
I have been considering starting the AWA subforum for a little while - let's give it a shot and see how it goes.
We can always move posts back to the verbal forum if there is no traction.
Kudos to you for the initiative.
I have been considering starting the AWA subforum for a little while - let's give it a shot and see how it goes.
We can always move posts back to the verbal forum if there is no traction.
Kudos to you for the initiative.
05 Oct 2009, 11:50
Kudos
Bookmarks
I followed chineseburned AWA template as well.
Argument : Over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi bathtubs. In addition the average family income in Parksboro is 50% higher than the national average, and a local stores report record-high sales of the most costly brands of hair and body care products. With so much being spent on personal care, Parksboro will be a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa-a salon that offers premium services at prices that are above average.
Essay:
The argument claims that Parksboro will be a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa salon because in Parksboro the average family income is 50% higher than the national average and because a local stores report record-high sales of costly hair and body care products. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mentions the several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The argument relies on assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi because the people of these households are into personal care. This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. The author makes an assumption that households wanted or built this Jacuzzi facility. There are numerous examples of cookie cutter subdivisions or neighborhoods where most of the houses come with Jacuzzi or other such facilities. This does not necessarily explains anything about households preference. The argument would have been much more clearer if it explicitly stated an example where people build Jacuzzi system for personal care.
Second, the argument claims that costly hair and body products from local stores are purchased by only people from Parksboro area. This is again very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrated any correlation between the sales of the products and the customers who are purchasing these products. The author fails to clarify whether these local stores are part of the big shopping center or outlet mall which attracts people from nearby area or counties and whether the nearby areas have shortage of such stores. If any such correlation had been shown then the author would have sounded bit more convincing. Furthermore, the argument does not provide any facts about the time period of the record-high sales. If the argument provided evidence that the record high-sales has been consistent for some time and that most of customers are from Parksboro area, the argument could have been strengthed even further.
Finally, the argument claims that just because people are spending so much on personal care, the new Luxe spa will be successful. From this statement again, it is not at all clear that people are looking for new Luxe spa at above average prices. Perhaps, people in Parksboro area find the existing Spas too costly and therefore buying their own hair and body products to pamper themselves at home with low cost, hence, increasing the sales of local stores. The argument also assumes that such spas dont already exist in the Parksboro area and that the existing spas are doing very well. There could be an an overflow of Luxe spas in Parksboro area. The argument could have been strengthened if author explicitly mentioned examples of how there is a shortage of such spas and how people are willing to spend more money for premium services. Without supporting evidence and examples from other Luxe spas who are successful in their business and have long waiting list for new customers, one is left with the impression that te claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence. As a result, this conclusion has no legs to stand on.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
Argument : Over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi bathtubs. In addition the average family income in Parksboro is 50% higher than the national average, and a local stores report record-high sales of the most costly brands of hair and body care products. With so much being spent on personal care, Parksboro will be a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa-a salon that offers premium services at prices that are above average.
Essay:
The argument claims that Parksboro will be a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa salon because in Parksboro the average family income is 50% higher than the national average and because a local stores report record-high sales of costly hair and body care products. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mentions the several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The argument relies on assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi because the people of these households are into personal care. This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. The author makes an assumption that households wanted or built this Jacuzzi facility. There are numerous examples of cookie cutter subdivisions or neighborhoods where most of the houses come with Jacuzzi or other such facilities. This does not necessarily explains anything about households preference. The argument would have been much more clearer if it explicitly stated an example where people build Jacuzzi system for personal care.
Second, the argument claims that costly hair and body products from local stores are purchased by only people from Parksboro area. This is again very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrated any correlation between the sales of the products and the customers who are purchasing these products. The author fails to clarify whether these local stores are part of the big shopping center or outlet mall which attracts people from nearby area or counties and whether the nearby areas have shortage of such stores. If any such correlation had been shown then the author would have sounded bit more convincing. Furthermore, the argument does not provide any facts about the time period of the record-high sales. If the argument provided evidence that the record high-sales has been consistent for some time and that most of customers are from Parksboro area, the argument could have been strengthed even further.
Finally, the argument claims that just because people are spending so much on personal care, the new Luxe spa will be successful. From this statement again, it is not at all clear that people are looking for new Luxe spa at above average prices. Perhaps, people in Parksboro area find the existing Spas too costly and therefore buying their own hair and body products to pamper themselves at home with low cost, hence, increasing the sales of local stores. The argument also assumes that such spas dont already exist in the Parksboro area and that the existing spas are doing very well. There could be an an overflow of Luxe spas in Parksboro area. The argument could have been strengthened if author explicitly mentioned examples of how there is a shortage of such spas and how people are willing to spend more money for premium services. Without supporting evidence and examples from other Luxe spas who are successful in their business and have long waiting list for new customers, one is left with the impression that te claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence. As a result, this conclusion has no legs to stand on.
In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
