Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)

Argument topic:
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

My response:

The author concluded in the memo that new dormitories in Buckingham will be needed in order to accommodate many new enrolled students based on some unwarranted assumptions. however, before evaluating the author's conclusion, three questions need to be answered.

First of all, how accurate is the trend regarding students' enrollment? the passage stated that the number of students will be doubled in fifty years. but how exactly has the trend been found? The data on which the trend holds true maybe collected from other institutions situated at Buckingham. Even if the trend is based on previous records of enrollment in Buckingham college, we can never be sure that this will hold true for the next 50 years. Another college might start taking students providing better opportunities at a more affordable cost. This assumption will not be valid in this case

Secondly, will the apartment rent never start to decrease in Buckingham? in the passage, the matter of increased house rent is mentioned. This point, though seemingly valid for some cases, will not hold true in most of the cases if the apartment rent somehow decrease due to various reasons. House rent mostly depend on the amount of space and comforts offered by the particular apartment. This is dependent on different things such as the building cost of the apartment and the facilities present in there. If Buckingham land owners take a decision to build small apartments only to accommodate college students with a relatively low rent, the assumption of the author will not hold water.

Last of all, can only the attractive dormitories make a college a great place to have the proper education? Certainly not. Fledgling students who are keen to join the best college in the town will surely look for other qualities in a college. qualities such as erudite teachers, well facilitated classrooms, state of the art laboratories will probably be more likely to attract the prospective students to enroll at Buckingham college. If one college has a great bunch of faculties with a relatively moderate accommodation place and other college has a great dormitory but no updated laboratories, students will probably be going to the prior college only because of the better offered education. So this assumption will only hold true if some other criteria are fulfilled.

From the discussions stated above, it can be inferred that housing need is a must for students in any college. but the fact that this is not the only criteria that should be fulfilled in order to enroll more prospective students. If the author can answer the questions stated above and give some more evidence, then the recommendation can be evaluated properly.

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This is my very first attempt to write an argument essay. I would be very grateful if anyone of you can evaluate my response and rate it between 1-6. Thanks in advance.