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18 Jul 2021, 05:40
Kudos
Bookmarks
Greetings GMAT Experts!
Here is the topic and my AWA essay on it. Please help me analyze where I can improve and what I will score on the final exam with this kind of writing.
TOPIC:
" The following appeared in a mayor's welcome notes to the members of a conference:
On behalf of everyone here in Ketner Springs, welcome to our blossoming community. We trust that you will find that Ketner Springs is the ideal place to locate your business, on account of our renowned transportation system and our award-winning parks and recreation department. Families love living here, as our schools have the lowest student-to-teacher ratio in the state and our restaurants boast more kiddie menu options than you can find anywhere in the country. If you need a place to locate your business or open a new office or factory, you'll find the perfect locale here in Ketner Springs."
MY AWA ESSAY:
The argument states the wordings of a letter that appeared in the mayor's welcome notes. It said that Ketner Springs is an ideal location for business and factories since it had a renowned transportation system, recreational departments, parks, schools and family restaurants. This argument contains a number of fallacies and assumptions that are underlined below.
Firstly, the argument assumes that business and family accommodations can build together. Business activities require an industrialized area. The discipline of the workplace may get disrupted due to the location of schools and parks nearby, where one can expect a huge amount of noise in the daytime. Similarly, the location of factories may adversely affect families. Factories emitting wastes and causing pollution may deteriorate the health of individuals in the family, specifically children who can incur damages to their growth at an early age.
In addition to the above stated problems, another problem arises when one situates restaurants and recreational activity hubs near the offices. Employees might start extending their breaks to accommodate these activities into their routines, which would ultimately lead to lower productivity for businesses, thus converting a working environment into a recreational one.
Lastly, a renowned transportation system ensures that the employees can travel to their offices and factories effectively. This factor makes another reason for placing factories and businesses inside the community redundant.
Thus, the reasons given above brings us to an undisputed conclusion that the ideal location for business and factories is away from family settlement communities, where both the environments can co-exist, without disturbing each other. The famous transportation system acts as a cherry on the top for business and as an added benefit for employees to stay in the community, and their workplaces, outside the community.
Here is the topic and my AWA essay on it. Please help me analyze where I can improve and what I will score on the final exam with this kind of writing.
TOPIC:
" The following appeared in a mayor's welcome notes to the members of a conference:
On behalf of everyone here in Ketner Springs, welcome to our blossoming community. We trust that you will find that Ketner Springs is the ideal place to locate your business, on account of our renowned transportation system and our award-winning parks and recreation department. Families love living here, as our schools have the lowest student-to-teacher ratio in the state and our restaurants boast more kiddie menu options than you can find anywhere in the country. If you need a place to locate your business or open a new office or factory, you'll find the perfect locale here in Ketner Springs."
MY AWA ESSAY:
The argument states the wordings of a letter that appeared in the mayor's welcome notes. It said that Ketner Springs is an ideal location for business and factories since it had a renowned transportation system, recreational departments, parks, schools and family restaurants. This argument contains a number of fallacies and assumptions that are underlined below.
Firstly, the argument assumes that business and family accommodations can build together. Business activities require an industrialized area. The discipline of the workplace may get disrupted due to the location of schools and parks nearby, where one can expect a huge amount of noise in the daytime. Similarly, the location of factories may adversely affect families. Factories emitting wastes and causing pollution may deteriorate the health of individuals in the family, specifically children who can incur damages to their growth at an early age.
In addition to the above stated problems, another problem arises when one situates restaurants and recreational activity hubs near the offices. Employees might start extending their breaks to accommodate these activities into their routines, which would ultimately lead to lower productivity for businesses, thus converting a working environment into a recreational one.
Lastly, a renowned transportation system ensures that the employees can travel to their offices and factories effectively. This factor makes another reason for placing factories and businesses inside the community redundant.
Thus, the reasons given above brings us to an undisputed conclusion that the ideal location for business and factories is away from family settlement communities, where both the environments can co-exist, without disturbing each other. The famous transportation system acts as a cherry on the top for business and as an added benefit for employees to stay in the community, and their workplaces, outside the community.
18 Jul 2021, 06:45
Kudos
Bookmarks
Please follow the AWA subforum rules while posting, read the rules in the post in link below.
https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
Thank you for your cooperation.
https://gmatclub.com/forum/awa-forum-ru ... 64141.html
Thank you for your cooperation.
kishita
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