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# HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment

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Intern
Joined: 05 Dec 2019
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HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment  [#permalink]

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05 Dec 2019, 09:16
Analytical Writing Assessment Question
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees."

This is the first time i ever wrote an essay for the GMAT and i'm testing in 4 days; can someone please help me grade my essay below:

The argument mentions that the Apogee Company was more profitable when it had all its operations in one location and that centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees. The argument is unconvincing based on a number of reasons and should be evaluated further.

First of all, the argument is flawed as it fails to mention an analysis of other factors that might have caused the profit of the Apogee company go down. For example, the reduction in profits may have been due to change in customer preferences towards the products of Apogee company, increase in production costs due to scarity of certain raw materials or degradation of the quality of products produced by Apogee company due to increasing competition. The author of the arguments fails to provide supporting evidence in this regard.

Secondly, the argument is based on an unsubstantiated assumption that the centralization of operations would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employess. For example, it is possible that the centralization of the operations from multiple locations back to a single location might lead to an increase in cost rather than bringing the costs down. Further, in the globalized economy, shutting down feild offices might have a negative impact on the sales of the company and the growth of the company could be affected.

In addition to the aforementioned reasons, the argument does not take into consideration the impact of centralization of operations on the employees that are employed in field offices in multiple locations. This might further lead to layoffs and overall employee dissatisfaction which can in turn lead the company profits to go down.

As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.
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Joined: 17 Jul 2018
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Re: HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment  [#permalink]

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05 Dec 2019, 11:10
Ridhigupta13 wrote:
Analytical Writing Assessment Question
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

"When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees."

This is the first time i ever wrote an essay for the GMAT and i'm testing in 4 days; can someone please help me grade my essay below:

The argument mentions that the Apogee Company was more profitable when it had all its operations in one location and that centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees. The argument is unconvincing based on a number of reasons and should be evaluated further.

First of all, the argument is flawed as it fails to mention an analysis of other factors that might have caused the profit of the Apogee company go down. For example, the reduction in profits may have been due to change in customer preferences towards the products of Apogee company, increase in production costs due to scarity of certain raw materials or degradation of the quality of products produced by Apogee company due to increasing competition. The author of the arguments fails to provide supporting evidence in this regard.

Secondly, the argument is based on an unsubstantiated assumption that the centralization of operations would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employess. For example, it is possible that the centralization of the operations from multiple locations back to a single location might lead to an increase in cost rather than bringing the costs down. Further, in the globalized economy, shutting down feild offices might have a negative impact on the sales of the company and the growth of the company could be affected.

In addition to the aforementioned reasons, the argument does not take into consideration the impact of centralization of operations on the employees that are employed in field offices in multiple locations. This might further lead to layoffs and overall employee dissatisfaction which can in turn lead the company profits to go down.

As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.

Suggestions in last paragraph needed
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Manager
Joined: 27 Feb 2017
Posts: 213
Location: United States (WA)
GMAT 1: 760 Q50 V42
GRE 1: Q169 V168
Re: HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment  [#permalink]

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10 Dec 2019, 02:40
You need to write more words.

Did you check out the excellent template at https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html?
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Re: HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment  [#permalink]

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10 Dec 2019, 05:13
Hi Ridhigupta13

First of all, your word count is too low (you are definitely below 300). you should aim for between 500-600.
There also few grammatical mistakes (such as : employees that), so try using what you learned from SC.
Anyway the big deal is that your ideas are great.
The advice is to memorize this template: https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html,
and merge it with your personal touch and ideas. I personally used it and got 5.5.
Good luck.
Re: HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment   [#permalink] 10 Dec 2019, 05:13
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# HELP!!!! AWA - Assessment

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