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21 Jul 2020, 00:41
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The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Can someone please review my essay?
At first glance, the aforementioned argument seems correct in asserting that Federville Farms is the best place for a summer camp for children. However, subsequent readings expose the multiple inherent flaws in the argument such as the use of vague terms and lack of quantifiable data to strengthen the argument.
Firstly, the review states Federville's amazing standing when it comes to overall camper satisfaction and food quality. However, the review does hide a lot of important data such as the company that carried out the survey, the number of sites surveyed and the number of respondents (if any). The review also doesn't mention the parameters used to calculate vague and subjective terms such as overall camper satisfaction, food quality and variety of outdoor activities. Moreover, it is not clear if the aforementioned criteria are even important while deciding the appropriate summer camp. For all we know, an important criterion for choosing a summer camp may be the price of the camp and Federville Farms may be performing horribly in that aspect. Hence, the authenticity of the survey must be questioned by parents before sending their children to Federville Farms.
Secondly, the argument talks about the safety of children at Federville Farms by saying that it has been in operation for forty years. This is a loose statement and does not compare the age of different summer campsites. Maybe Federville Farms is the most recent summer campsite. The argument also wrongly assumes that the age of a site is a fair indicator of its safety standards. In the absence of any concrete evidence, the assumption is unjustified.
Furthermore, Federville Farms boasts of having the highest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp. A more appropriate measure could've been the number of lifeguards per child. Also, the lifeguards can only save a child only in cases involving a water body. However, the summer camp may have many other activities such as rock climbing and the presence of safety personnel for those activities is not mentioned.
The author of the argument could've improved the authenticity of the survey by providing more details regarding the points mentioned in the second paragraph. The reviewer should've used accepted standards of safety such as government approvals to demonstrate the efficacy of the safety systems in the camp. The presence of past trends in the survey could've made a stronger case for Federville Farms.
To conclude, the aforementioned review is filled with questionable and unsubstantiated claims, which raise important questions in order to decide the appropriate summer camp for a child. Had the reviewer followed the suggestions in the aforementioned paragraph, he/she could've made a much stronger case to send one's child to Federville Farms.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Can someone please review my essay?
At first glance, the aforementioned argument seems correct in asserting that Federville Farms is the best place for a summer camp for children. However, subsequent readings expose the multiple inherent flaws in the argument such as the use of vague terms and lack of quantifiable data to strengthen the argument.
Firstly, the review states Federville's amazing standing when it comes to overall camper satisfaction and food quality. However, the review does hide a lot of important data such as the company that carried out the survey, the number of sites surveyed and the number of respondents (if any). The review also doesn't mention the parameters used to calculate vague and subjective terms such as overall camper satisfaction, food quality and variety of outdoor activities. Moreover, it is not clear if the aforementioned criteria are even important while deciding the appropriate summer camp. For all we know, an important criterion for choosing a summer camp may be the price of the camp and Federville Farms may be performing horribly in that aspect. Hence, the authenticity of the survey must be questioned by parents before sending their children to Federville Farms.
Secondly, the argument talks about the safety of children at Federville Farms by saying that it has been in operation for forty years. This is a loose statement and does not compare the age of different summer campsites. Maybe Federville Farms is the most recent summer campsite. The argument also wrongly assumes that the age of a site is a fair indicator of its safety standards. In the absence of any concrete evidence, the assumption is unjustified.
Furthermore, Federville Farms boasts of having the highest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp. A more appropriate measure could've been the number of lifeguards per child. Also, the lifeguards can only save a child only in cases involving a water body. However, the summer camp may have many other activities such as rock climbing and the presence of safety personnel for those activities is not mentioned.
The author of the argument could've improved the authenticity of the survey by providing more details regarding the points mentioned in the second paragraph. The reviewer should've used accepted standards of safety such as government approvals to demonstrate the efficacy of the safety systems in the camp. The presence of past trends in the survey could've made a stronger case for Federville Farms.
To conclude, the aforementioned review is filled with questionable and unsubstantiated claims, which raise important questions in order to decide the appropriate summer camp for a child. Had the reviewer followed the suggestions in the aforementioned paragraph, he/she could've made a much stronger case to send one's child to Federville Farms.
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