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07 Aug 2018, 02:11
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Hi,
I am looking for any feedback or advice on my practice AWA essay. This is my first attempt. Thanks in advance
PROMT:
The following appeared in a memorandum from the director of human resources to the executive officers of Company X:
"Last year, we surveyed our employees on improvements needed at Company X by having them rank, in order of importance, the issues presented in a list of possible improvements. Improved communications between employees and management was consistently ranked as the issue of highest importance by the employees who responded to the survey. As you know, we have since instituted regular communications sessions conducted by high-level management, which the employees can attend on a voluntary basis. Therefore, it is likely that most employees at Company X now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made."
RESPONSE:
The argument that Company X has improved the communications between employees and management has been addressed and improved has been made omits some important concerns that must be addresses to substantiate the argument. The final statement that it is likely that most employees at Company X now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made does not constitute a logical argument, furthermore the use of the survey for data collection and the vague language does not provide support or proof of the main argument.
Most noticeably the argument does not address the cause of the problem. Firstly, the argument assumes that the outcome of the voluntary communications sessions addressed the problem identified by the survey. The results and the employee satisfaction with the outcome of the communications sessions is unknown. To strengthen this argument pre and post testing of the communications sessions would need to be collected and analysed.
Secondly, Company X undertook communications sessions based on findings from a survey. The number of employees surveyed was not addressed. The statement that identified the employees who responded to the survey, further highlights the need for the percentage of staff who responded to the survey as this affects the accuracy of the results. To strengthen this argument, the number of respondents, the percentage of staff who responded and further details on the other listed areas of improvements n the survey need to be identified.
Thirdly, the argument uses vague language. The comments of regular communications sessions and consistently ranked are non-conclusive in the number or ranking. To strengthen this argument the number of regular communication sessions in a time period including the length and content of the sessions would need to be presented. Furthermore, the numerical value of the rankings from the employees should be stated.
In conclusion, because the argument leaves out cause and effect of the problem, is based of non-conclusive survey results and uses vague langue to elaborate the solution the argument is not thorough or convincing.
I am looking for any feedback or advice on my practice AWA essay. This is my first attempt. Thanks in advance
PROMT:
The following appeared in a memorandum from the director of human resources to the executive officers of Company X:
"Last year, we surveyed our employees on improvements needed at Company X by having them rank, in order of importance, the issues presented in a list of possible improvements. Improved communications between employees and management was consistently ranked as the issue of highest importance by the employees who responded to the survey. As you know, we have since instituted regular communications sessions conducted by high-level management, which the employees can attend on a voluntary basis. Therefore, it is likely that most employees at Company X now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made."
RESPONSE:
The argument that Company X has improved the communications between employees and management has been addressed and improved has been made omits some important concerns that must be addresses to substantiate the argument. The final statement that it is likely that most employees at Company X now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made does not constitute a logical argument, furthermore the use of the survey for data collection and the vague language does not provide support or proof of the main argument.
Most noticeably the argument does not address the cause of the problem. Firstly, the argument assumes that the outcome of the voluntary communications sessions addressed the problem identified by the survey. The results and the employee satisfaction with the outcome of the communications sessions is unknown. To strengthen this argument pre and post testing of the communications sessions would need to be collected and analysed.
Secondly, Company X undertook communications sessions based on findings from a survey. The number of employees surveyed was not addressed. The statement that identified the employees who responded to the survey, further highlights the need for the percentage of staff who responded to the survey as this affects the accuracy of the results. To strengthen this argument, the number of respondents, the percentage of staff who responded and further details on the other listed areas of improvements n the survey need to be identified.
Thirdly, the argument uses vague language. The comments of regular communications sessions and consistently ranked are non-conclusive in the number or ranking. To strengthen this argument the number of regular communication sessions in a time period including the length and content of the sessions would need to be presented. Furthermore, the numerical value of the rankings from the employees should be stated.
In conclusion, because the argument leaves out cause and effect of the problem, is based of non-conclusive survey results and uses vague langue to elaborate the solution the argument is not thorough or convincing.
Gagoosh
Joined: 23 Nov 2017
Last visit: 02 Oct 2019
Posts: 102
Given Kudos: 132
Location: Singapore
Concentration: Strategy, Other
Schools: NTU '20 (M) ESSEC '21 (A$)
12 Aug 2018, 00:50
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You may want to increase the length of the write up and proof read it for grammatical errors.You may also attack the argument by saying that the conclusion lies on the assumption that the list of issues was actually comprehensive enough to accomodate all the problems/issues that the employees had been facing. In arguments like these, attacking the survey technique is the easiest. That's my 2 cent for you
12 Aug 2018, 04:46
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