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Beginner: AWA Please review

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Intern
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Joined: 30 Jul 2018
Posts: 1
Beginner: AWA Please review  [#permalink]

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New post 30 Jul 2018, 17:20
Question:
The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:

"Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios's unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies."

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Response: 264 word count . Time: 30 minutes

Article conveyed that the Corporations need to prefer city of Helios for new business oppurtunities or a new location. Article did not provide sufficient information to evaluate if it is best suited place. This include the absolute value of the unemployement during the past years or during recession and also if the city would welcome diversified industries.

Article mentioned that the unemployment rate was lower than the regional average during the recession. This only indicates the rate was lower relative to other cities but not the decrease from its previous years. Say if the other surrounding cities had an unemployment rate of 70 percent and city of Helios had 69, this might not make a strong argument.

In addition, article mentioned that the city is attracting the companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. In general, the headcount needed for research and development is only a smaller fraction than a manufacturing division. Hence, this reason weakens the recommendation to consider the city.

Also, it is said that the city is the industrial center of the region and has contributed more than it's share of manufacturing jobs. Article did not mention about the availability of human resources if the new corporation is established at this location. If the unemployment rate is already at the rock bottom, this criteria might become a risk if the workers are not available per the business need.

Hence, as mentioned above, the accurate details of the unemployment, resources, or information related to the incentives or infrastructure provided by the City to the Corporations will support the article.
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Concentration: Strategy, Other
GMAT 1: 640 Q42 V36
Re: Beginner: AWA Please review  [#permalink]

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New post 30 Jul 2018, 19:40
Hi SonySona, above is a good attempt. to add my two cents, you might want to consider lengthening the write up and using more key words for the e-reader to pick up the flow of the passage. You might want to actually write what you are doing -weakening the premises, struggling to find reasons to substantiate the assumption etc. Content wise, you might want to put external reasons to weaken the conclusion such as : you may say that article has not done any research as to the reasons of lower unemployment rate -is it because government is intervening by leading employment schemes for domestic population or are the banks assisting the local population by giving inexpensive loans or nature of the employment -are the people entrepreneurs themselves and not into industry and factory employment (in which case an outsider would not get any workforce help or raw materials). you might want to put a recommendation also.
Hope this helps.
Re: Beginner: AWA Please review &nbs [#permalink] 30 Jul 2018, 19:40
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