Best MBA Jokes

Question

I'll start with this one:

The American businessman was at the pier of a small South Pacific Island village when a small proa with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small proa was a dorrado several large grouper. The American complimented the Islander on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Islander replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Islander said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a late afternoon nap with my wife, Helia, stroll into the village each evening where I sip rum and play guitar with my friends, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small fishing village and move to Australia, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The South Seas fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then?"
The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, realy? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a late afternoon nap with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings here you could sip rum and play your guitar with your friends."

PTK · Answer

Edificatory.

tt11234 · Answer

why do we go for mba now? lol...

Financier · Answer

Two years ago  I wanted to sell all my stuff and move to some "uninhabited land" so that I could enjoy all mentioned above. But I'm picky and like maaany many things that cost money.  Now  I want to work hard for 7-10 years and buy a piece of that land so that I could spend there my time and also have money for my expensive hobbys. Sounds good, isn't it?

zisis · Answer

LOL

jallenmorris · Answer

I was hoping that others would share the best MBA jokes they've heard. Surely, with all of the members here, there are some great MBA jokes, right? Share them!!

perseverance · Answer

Here's a clip you guys might enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1NZ0vdD ... r_embedded

jallenmorris · Answer

I had completely forgot about that commercial! That's great.

jordanhendrix · Answer

You know you are an MBA when….

You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are.
You decide to re-org your family into a ‘team- based organization.’
You refer to dating as test marketing.
You can spell ‘paradigm.’
You actually know what a paradigm is.
You understand your airline’s fare structure.
You write executive summaries on your love letters.
You think it is actually efficient to write a ten-page paper with six other people you do not know.
You believe you never have any problems in your life, just ‘issues’ and ‘improvement opportunities.’
You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
You refer to your previous life as ‘my sunk costs.’
Your three meals a day are a ‘morning consumption function’, a ‘noontime consumption function’, and an ‘even consumption function.’
You start to feel sorry for Dilbert’s boss.
You refer to divorce as ‘divestiture.’
Your favorite artist is the one who does the dot drawings for the Wall Street Journal.
None of your favorite publications have cartoons.
You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
You decided the only way to afford a house is to call your fellow alumni and offer to name a room after them if they help with the down payment.
Your ‘deliverable’ for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
You use the term ‘value-added’ without falling down laughing.

zisis · Answer

yup, defo a classic : )

Sailorette · Answer

My favorite (available from multiple sources, MBA implied):

“A Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.

A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their initial conclusion was a finding that the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the North American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. Less than thrilled with the answer, North American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure underwent reorganization to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.

It was called the “Rowing Team Quality First Program”, with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the North American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was outsourced to India.”

sanlitun · Answer

https://i762.photobucket.com/albums/xx265/playabj84/ATT00099.jpg

hope this works....

perseverance · Answer

Here's another clip I had forgotten about. Not so much an MBA joke, but funny nontheless. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3FTaljUVcU

cano · Answer

Ok, I know this is not the best MBA joke, but shows a difference between the stereotypes of engineers (practical, pragmatic) and some businessmen ("I know everything"). I forgot all the details and a lot can be lost in the translation.

An engineer and a MBA went camping. The engineer wakes the MBA up in the middle of the night and asks him: hey, look up and tell me what you think.

The MBA, still a little sleepy, replies:
Well, by the positions of the stars, it should be around 3:30 AM. Meteorologists would predict a very nice day for tomorrow, with clear skies and warm weather. From a religious perspective, all those wonderful stars demonstrate how small man is and how great his creator is. From an astronomical perspective, the solstice of spring will be in few days. And you can clearly see those famous galaxies that used to be closer many years ago prompting the big bang theory. Over there you see those constellations that were named by the ancient Greeks after their gods. Man, those astrologists are plain cheaters and make really good business. The owls that you can hear are in the procreation season. Great philosophers believed that when man looked up to the skies at night... blah blah blah

And kept talking few more minutes describing everything he could see and hear, and showing that he knew a bit of everything.

Then he turns to his mate and asks: and what do you see?

The engineer answers: I think that someone stole our tent.

cano · Answer

Ha ha ha ha, that's way too funny!

phoenixrulzz · Answer

Ha ha lolz good ones!!!

cano · Answer

A man is visiting a Pacific Island and is astonished to see the following in a banner outside a restaurant:

Today's specials :
   Brain of engineer: $ 15
 Brain of architect: $ 20
 Brain of MBA: $ 250

He says to one of the waiters: wow, the brain of MBA must be so delicious!!
The waiter replies: are you kidding? Do you know how many MBAs you need to kill to get just a little bit of brain??

shadow · Answer

self deprecating humor... i love it. especially the fedex commercial one, LMAO

cano · Answer

An old man lived alone. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work and his only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery (edit: I reckon he was an MBA working as an associate in the same bank - just to be included in this thread). The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply: "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the entire garden, that's where I buried the money." At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was, "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

Sailorette · Answer

Had to revisit this thread to post a classic that my Dad forwarded me (again). Glad he thinks my job adds value to society!

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure." The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone , then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep." "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: " If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a management consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog."

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