This whole application process has driven me crazy. What happened this morning shows that I am indeed crazy, or at least, not far from it.
(I just wrote the following on my facebook. It is not really application related. But you may read it for amusement.)
I got sick. So I am now sitting on my bed instead of working in the office.
When I am sick, I tend to have long sleeps and in my sleep I have weird dreams. This morning, before I woke up, I had this weird dream which was quite amusing.
The dream started in a shop where the saleswoman made me rather angry. On my way to somewhere else, I started quarreling with my girlfriend until I got tired of quarreling. In this process I somehow realized that I was dreaming.
I started to float in the air consciously and asked my girlfriend "Do you want to fly?" She asked "Is it possible?" I said "Look at me." Seeing me flying, she was surprised. I explained that she was actually in my dream and we decided to fly together.
We had a lot of fun before we went to a restaurant. The following conversation took place.
I said "It doesn't matter if you have won or lost the quarrel. I was in fact just quarreling with myself."
My girlfriend understood and smiled.
I said further "Do you think other people in this restaurant understand it? Let's have a try.'
I picked up a guy sitting at the table next to me and asked him.
"Do you exist?"
"Pardon? Say it again?"
"Where are you from? How did you come into existence?"
He told me about his parents, etc., etc.
I interrupted him and asked "But what if your existence is actually made up by someone else? Let's say, you exist in a novel." - I said novel instead of dream because I did not want to give him too much clue.
He said "It certainly doesn't feel so. When I want to do something, I do it." He stressed on the I's in his sentence. Obviously, he was saying that he felt that he had free will and therefore he really existed and was not made up by some novelist.
At this moment I woke up but continued to think about the dream. I couldn't ask myself the following questions.
Is there a real difference between this guy in my dream and us "real" people in the "real" world? If an omniscient God exists, we can say that effectively we exist only in his thought. It doesn't get better if you are a materialist and believe in science, since all the physical laws seem to suggest that our feeling of free will is just an illusion.
So, do we really exist? Is Descartes' "Cogito ergo sum" still that convincing?