I would greatly appreciate anyone's thoughts on my AWA attempt. The prompt and attempt follow. Word count is 542. Thanks!
The following appeared as part of an editorial in a weekly newsmagazine:
“Historically, most of this country’s engineers have come from our universities; recently, however, our university-age population has begun to shrink, and decreasing enrollments in our high schools clearly show that this drop in numbers will continue throughout the remainder of the decade. Consequently, our nation will soon be facing a shortage of trained engineers. If we are to remain economically competitive in the world marketplace, then we must increase funding for education—and quickly.”
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The author makes the erroneous claim that decreasing enrollments in our nation’s high schools will soon result in a reduction of university goers leading to fewer U.S.-minted engineers. The source further claims that the shrinking number of engineers will make our nation less competitive in the global landscape. This argument is built off of factually faulty assumptions which must be addressed. The source confuses numbers because it does not directly measure university enrollment, but rather uses high school enrollment as a proxy measure. The source mistakenly assumes that trained engineers are solely important to a nation’s global economic strength. Lastly, the source relies on vague statements to justify the claim.
First, the source unjustifiably argues that due to a decrease in high school enrollments, university enrollments will also fall across the nation. This claim is unfounded because of the large amount of foreign students who attend universities in the United States. High school enrollment rates in the United States, while potentially representative of one group of prospective university candidates, does not necessarily capture trends across all applicants. Foreign students that attend universities in America tend to pursue careers in our nation.
The source also makes the unfounded assumption that trained engineers represent the only source of a nation’s competitive advantage. This is a flawed assumption because engineers are merely one part of a complicated service-based economy that makes the United States globally competitive. Yes, civil engineers may ensure that the proper infrastructure is in place in a given nation, however in a developed country such as the United States, infrastructure is not necessarily an issue. Industries such as the financial services and technology and sectors are also responsible for the United States’ dominant global economic position.
The source’s claim is also weakened by its implicit reliance on vague language. For example, it claims that engineers are necessary for our nation to remain ‘economically competitive’. It is unclear how the author of this source expects individuals to interpret this phrase. Economic indicators such as per capita GDP, GDP growth, and the trade deficit can be accurate measures to evaluate how economically competitive a given nation is on the global stage. Additionally, the source uses vague language when calling for ‘increased funding’. Using exact numbers would ground this source’s claim in reality and would allow the reader to determine how likely it is that this amount of funding could actually be obtained. The necessary funding to improve education could be in the several hundreds of billions of dollars – a sum that would be difficult for our nation to shoulder.
This claim would be stronger if the author provided more statistical evidence that a decrease in high school enrollments has the potential to lead to a decrease in the population of university attendees. Furthermore, it also would be strengthened by providing evidence that engineers are necessary to our nation’s economic might. Lastly, the claim would be more robust if it incorporated more specific details on how the author intended to measure economic competitiveness on a global scale.
The above claim is weakened by the logical fallacies that underpin the core of the argument. If evidence were provided to remove these flaws, the author would have a much stronger foundation upon which to make this claim.