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First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!

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Intern
Joined: 21 May 2018
Posts: 6
First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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03 Oct 2018, 15:20
Hi,
This is my first AWA practice, could anyone give me some feedback? Many thanks in advance

The following appeared as part of a plan proposed by an executive of the Easy Credit Company to the president:
“The Easy Credit Company would gain an advantage over competing credit card services if we were to donate a
portion of the proceeds from the use of our cards to a well-known environmental organization in exchange for the use
of its symbol or logo on our card. Since a recent poll shows that a large percentage of the public is concerned about
environmental issues, this policy would attract new customers, increase use among existing customers, and enable
us to charge interest rates that are higher than the lowest ones available.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The plan exposed by the executive focuses on gaining advantage over competing credit card services by using the logo of a well-known environmental organization in Easy Credit's cards. The executive is using a survey result showing the large percentage of people who are concerned about environmental issues in order to predict an increase of the customer base, the credit card's usage and the raise on current rates. There are a few key assumptions he is making in this argument that require additional information to be validated. Without this additional information, the plan cannot be accepted as valid.
First, the executive is assuming that a person who is concerned about environmental issues would prefer the Easy Credit Company solely because of the new card's logo. This statement is not substantiated in any way.There could be many more factors influencing the decisions of potential customers: it could be the case that the bank is already perceived as one of the most environmental-firendly in the market but potential customers percieve that the process to create a new card is tedious or that the rates charged are higher than in other banks. This argument would have sound a lot more convincing if the author would have provided an overview of the current competitive advantage together with some surveys made to customers of other credit companies.
Second, the executive states that customers would increase their use enabling the company to increase the rates. This is again a very unsuported claim as it is assuming that the belief of being more environmental-friendly would outweigh the dissatisfaction caused by an unjustified change of rates. To strengthen the argument, the author should provide facts supporting the belief that current customers main concern is the company's lack of sensibility towards environment. Moreover, it supposes that customers are able to increase the usage, which is not as straightforward it could seem. If a customer is having financial difficulties, he would not be able to increase the usage even if he wanted to.
Finally, the argument presents as support some results of a recent poll without giving further context. In order to consider these results as relevant support, the author should give more details on how was the sample chosen. For example, this survey would be a lot more convincing if it were answered by current customers of The Easy Credit Company or one of their main competitors.
In the light of the points that I have just mentioned, the plan fails to convince. If the argument had drawn upon further research as suggested, and thereby plugged in the holes in the reasoning, it would have been far more convincing.
Director
Joined: 12 Feb 2015
Posts: 917
Re: First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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04 Oct 2018, 10:34
1
I am not an expert hence will not be able to grade your AWA. Just my personal opinion after going through your essay contains the essential ingredients, i.e. no. of paras, structural words etc to take you over the line. However I also fel there is scope for improvement.

You may find the following link useful:-

https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
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Manish

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me"
Intern
Joined: 21 May 2018
Posts: 6
Re: First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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07 Oct 2018, 00:25
CAMANISHPARMAR wrote:
I am not an expert hence will not be able to grade your AWA. Just my personal opinion after going through your essay contains the essential ingredients, i.e. no. of paras, structural words etc to take you over the line. However I also fel there is scope for improvement.

Thanks, That's an interesting link However, still would be great if someone could give me specific feedback as trying to improve alone is quite difficult

Thks!
Director
Joined: 12 Feb 2015
Posts: 917
First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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08 Oct 2018, 10:16
1
cdc wrote:

Thanks, That's an interesting link However, still would be great if someone could give me specific feedback as trying to improve alone is quite difficult

Thks!

I am happy you liked the link. Just in case if you are not aware there is an official product available on mba.com:-

GMAT Write® - https://www.mba.com/exam-prep/gmat-write

I hope you find this information useful. Do share your feedback. All the best!!
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Manish

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me"
Intern
Joined: 21 May 2018
Posts: 6
Re: First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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12 Oct 2018, 01:10
Many thanks again!

I've tried the GMAT Write tool and got a 5 So I hope this is an accurate grade for my exam!

However, for others thinking on using the tool, there is no feedback, you pay just to have an e-reader grade
Intern
Joined: 11 Oct 2018
Posts: 9
Location: India
Concentration: Nonprofit, Marketing
GPA: 3.96
WE: Marketing (Education)
Re: First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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12 Oct 2018, 01:54
I think your essay lacked proper structure. Maybe you should go thorugh different templates just so that you can get some proper structure while writing. Hope that helps.
Director
Joined: 12 Feb 2015
Posts: 917
Re: First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!  [#permalink]

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12 Oct 2018, 10:18
cdc wrote:
Many thanks again!

I've tried the GMAT Write tool and got a 5 So I hope this is an accurate grade for my exam!

However, for others thinking on using the tool, there is no feedback, you pay just to have an e-reader grade

Oh wow 5 is nice but you could take it to 6

So do you recommend other users to buy GMAT Write?
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Manish

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me"
Re: First AWA, could anyone give some feedback? Thanks!   [#permalink] 12 Oct 2018, 10:18
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