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AWA Score: 5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
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Analytical Writing Assessment Question
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city's council on the arts.
“In a recent citywide poll, fifteen percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city's art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city's art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city's funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television.”
Discuss how logically persuasive you find the above argument. In presenting your point of view, analyze the sort of reasoning used and supporting evidence. In addition, state what further evidence, if any, would make the argument more sound and convincing or would make you better able to evaluate its conclusion.
MY RESPONSE :
The arguments tries to connect the viewership of visual arts program in television to the attendence of the people in museums. Further the argments states that if there is a severe cut in the visual programs then the number of people going to the museums will also decrease so in order to increase the number of people visiting the museums, the city's funds supporting the arts should be relocated to the public television. However, the line of reasoning in this argument is seriously flawed.
Firstly, The percentage in citywide poll doesn't reflect how many people participated in the poll and how many responded. For example if 10 people participated out of 100 people in the city and out of that only 2 people responded then the result of this survey can't be used. Also the argument considers that the people's preferance don't change with time which is wrong. Hence, a poll that was conducted 5 years ago is not a reliable source of data.
Secondly, There is no data to support that the television programs are stimulating people to go to museums. This is all based on a 5 year old poll data. There might be another factors that could be encouraging people to go to museums. For example, Increase in literacy among people might be a factor rather than television programs that have caused the increased visits in museums. Also, the prediction of severe paycuts is just a possibilty and not a certainity. Hence it can't be used to make solid decisions on something.
Thirdly, Even if we consider the poll data to be true and the link between visual arts program and increase visits to museums to be true.There is still no data to support that rellocation of funding to the public television will increase the number of visits since the rellocation of funding from arts to public television might affect the quality of arts produced which could further lead to a decrease in the number of visits to the museums.
The reasons stated above shows the major flaws in the line of reasoning of the argument. Hence to make the argument sound the aforementioned flaws needs to be removed and a proper line of reasoning must be established.