People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu

Question

Please rate my essay and give me some tips for improvement.

Prompt:
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

My essay:
The argument claims that the people who consume aspartame instead of sugar does not meet their dietary goals. This conclusion is based on numerous assumptions and it also lacks the evidences supporting those assumptions.

Firstly, the argument states that consuming aspartame does not help in weight loss but that does not imply that the weight loss is the only dietary goal that people have. For instance, some people workout and consume special supplements just to gain their muscle mass and that leads to weight gain. Thus, aspartame can be beneficial for people whose dietary goal is to gain weight.

Moreover, the statement that high levels of aspartame depletes the satiety hormones and hence should be avoided is unsubstantiated. The amount of consumption becomes high in rare cases as people generally do check the optimal amounts for consumption before using a sweetener and what is the amount which is being considered as "high"?

Furthermore, this argument didn't compared the amount of calories in a standard portion of aspartame to the amount of calories in the standard portion of sugar. This data is vital as establishing a fixed amount of calorie intake is essential for setting a dietary goal. The author used an example of how consuming sugar after 45 minutes of workout can help in reducing weight but we cannot factor out the affects of sugar on the body when consumed during other times of the day.

Lastly, the argument could have been strengthened by providing the necessary data regarding the calories in aspartame and sugar, and by citing relevant examples other than weight loss for dietary goals.

In conclusion the argument was flawed because of the above mentioned reasons and the author failed to make a compelling case against the aspartame consumption instead of the sugar consumption for achieving ones dietary goals.

Westfolia007 · Answer

Sajjad1994  Could you please rate my AWA?
Thank you in advance

The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles: 
“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus, it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”
 Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument claims that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals. Stated in this way, the argument manipulates and conveys a distorted view of the solution. It also reveals examples of poor reasoning, leap of faith and ill defined-terminology. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence this argument is weak and has several flaws.

First, the argument conveniently assumes that the trigger of craving will affect all the consumers of aspartame in the same way. This statement is a stretch because it clearly does not take into account the different metabolism rates of different people, which can ultimately affect the calorie count. For example, what if there are a significant number of people who in spite of having these cravings are able to successfully ward them off, thanks to their will power or motivation. Clearly, the author has taken a significant jump as he has not considered these facts. The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly stated the numbers and facts associated related to the above stated reasoning. In that case, the author would have certainly made a fair point.

Second, the author claims that, if aspartame is consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, it actually enhances the body’s ability to burn fat. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not consider any side effects of the sugar over consuming aspartame. To illustrate, what if the makers of sugar used certain components, ones which are not in aspartame, which could actually hamper the health of the sugar consumers. Although it is possible that sugar enhances the body’s ability to burn fact, but what if this again was actually the effects of a detriment caused by the sugar. So, people might think that they are choosing the healthier lifestyle while consuming sugar, but on the contrary it is causing serious damages that are not visible on the surface. If the argument were to differentiate the ill effects of both sugar and aspartame, we would have been in a better position to accept the author’s conclusion.

Finally, what if the consumers of aspartame were to consume other food that actually calorie laded foods that caused the weight gain. It is quite possible that the rate of gain of those calories infused foods overtook the calorie burning rate of aspartame. Additionally, even if we agree to the fact that aspartame does add calories, what if they were the good calories and actually aided in better functioning of the body. In today’s medically advanced world, it is not a very wise idea to state calories as being evil. Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with rather the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and it is therefore unconvincing. It would be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6!

I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6!

I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

parasma · Answer

Sajjad1994

Please rate my essay and give me some tips for improvement.

Prompt:
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Essay-

The argument claims that the people who consumes Artificial Sweetener Aspartame (ASA) are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals and recommends that the people must switch from ASA to sugar. The conclusion is flawed as there is lack of evidence and data in support of the claim and it readily assumes the scope for all people without considering that the purpose of different people for consuming ASA may differ. The argument is subjected to debate on grounds of many unstated assumptions which the author considered while concluding.

First, the argument begins with people who consume ASA should switch to sugar as ASA contribute to weight gain. By stating so the author is restricting the customer base- The people who are willing to gain the weight should purchase ASA as it guarantees the weight gain. On the other hand, it should be considered that everyone consuming ASA is not targeting at weight reduction. There may be some proportion of the consumers who switched from Sugar to ASA because of the medical terms. The argument could have been much clearer if it emphasis on certain category of consumers- only those people who are targeting at weight loss.

Second, the high levels of ASA result in frequent food desires by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety. The argument explicitly mentioned the high level of ASA, there is no reasoning provided for consuming high level of ASA and no details of “High” levels of ASA. It is possible that people know the effects of consuming more than permissible limit of ASA and accordingly they consume ASA well below those levels.

Third, the sugar is consumed after 45 minutes of exercise enhances the body’s ability to burn the fat while there is comparison of drinking juice containing ASA just after exercise. ASA may also behave in same or better way if consumed after 45 minutes. Recommendation for the consumption of ASA can be derived better if the comparison is on the same basis.

In conclusion, the argument is not concrete and cannot sustain in absence of above considerations. It could be considerably strengthened if the author mentioned the reason behind the high level of ASA consumption and compare the effects of both on body's fat on same grounds.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 6 out of 6! Wow

I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5 
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consu

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