Please grade my AWA

Please grade my essay.

This was my first attempt and I have not developed the discipline to sit through an entire GMAT test with AWA at the end. So made a few mistakes just out of sheer negligence.

My assessment of the essay: I have made a few typos as I did not proof read after the completing the essay. And I think I could have better organised the essay by making a rough draft.

Essay prompt:
The following appeared in the opinion section of a national newsmagazine:

“To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”

This is what I wrote:
The given argument states that an increase in the price of postage stamp wil result not only result in an increase in the revenue but also a decrease in the volume of mail. These results will improve the postal service by increasing the morale of employees and removing the stress on the existing system. However, this argument is based on numerous unexplained assumptions which are addressed below.

The author believes that the increase in price of the stamp will reduce the number of people using the postage service and thus result in a decrease in the stress on the system. However, it could reduce the number of people using the service so significantly that the revenue generated even after the increased prices will not be sufficient to cover the operations cost. Moreover, the increase in prices can also cause a large number of customers to shift to privately owned courier services which offer lower prices. These situations will have the opposite effect than the one intended.

The author also assumes that the company morale will be lifted only when the revenue increases and the strain on the system decreases. But there could be other factors such as availability of good employee benefits that could bring about the same output. Further study and data collection is required to clearly understand the cause of the reduced morale, if any and also to determine other factors responsible for improved morale.

Additionally, the argument does not mention the amount or percentage increase required in the postage stamp prices. If data regarding the current postage stamp prices, proposed increase in the price and the prices offered by competiting private courier service wee available then a better decision could be arrived at.

Further, the deterioration of the postal service could be due to a variety of factors such as poor logistics and operations or shortage of staff. These have not been accounted for in the argument. If there are such factors at play then a mere increase in the prices will not suffice and a more detailed plan of action will have to be arrived at. Hence, if data were made available regarding the current state of the service the decision making would be greatly improved.

Thus, it is clear that the though increase in price of postage stamp could be a possible solution to the postal service's deterioration it is the clear if this is the only factor. If the above suggestions were used and required data could be obtained then a more appropriate strategy could be devised.