Hey
Asawa7,
I am looking forward to your edited answer. In case you are still working on it, here are a few suggestions from my end:
1. Why have you decided to join MSc in Finance?
"Because I want to enter a financial world and work in a financial services company. The reason for this is I've always wanted to work in this industry since when I'm still studying in a university and also have experiences in investments such as FX and derivatives"
This one is very vague - You need to give B-Schools a VERY STRONG REASON to select you FROM 5000 OTHER APPLICANTS competing for your spot.
What is your strong reason? An incident or a person who motivated you to get into the industry? Maybe you can pick points from question no. 3 where you have mentioned about your sophomore year project. Again the description was pretty vague over there as well, you would really need to dig deeper into into to come up with strong data points.
2.What may differentiate you from the other candidates? What added value can you bring to the school?
I am sorry to be a little harsh here - but none of the mentioned qualities are a good reason to select you from the other candidates. Being optimistic and learning oriented are default qualities which every other applicant claims to have in abundance.
Think about how you can contribute to the school - You have mentioned entrepreneurship experience. Maybe you can try to showcase how you see your self as an social entrepreneur driving change in the country in the next 5 years. Again, this is just an example - Use it as a line of thought to come up with strong differentiators for yourself.
3.Describe your latest or most important achievements.
By rule of thumb, whenever you are talking about achievements, always back it up with tangible results that can be quantified.
Eg: Impacted 2000 children while working with XYZ NGO
4. Do you follow financial, economic or business news on a regular basis? If yes, via what sources? What news item has particularly attracted your attention recently?
Again, this is too general and does not quite capture the attention of the reader. Your answer should be as insightful as an international research paper - It does not need to be that lengthy or comprehensive, but the answer needs to reflect that you have indepth knowledge about the subject and have concrete thoughts on how the news will affect the future of the industry.
5.If you were to invest a certain amount of money in the nearest future, what sector/company would you give priority to?
Technology is a huge sector - Mention which particular domain do you want to invest in ( Eg: AI, IoT,etc). It is also a good idea to mentioned the amount of investment you think would make a difference and give a brief overview of how you would use the money. This would showcase that you really have thought this through and have a concrete opinion about it.
To sum it up, where you are lacking is coming up with strong data backed reasons for your answers and connecting the dots to showcase a cohesive story.
Here are a couple of resources that will help you with the above points-
Use this brain-storming sheet to dig deep into your profile and come up with strong reasons for the essay questions :
https://www.mim-essay.com/brainstorming-sheet-downloadand in case you need help in creating a strong essay for top MFin schools, check out this link:
https://www.mim-essay.com/masters-finan ... y-editing/Hope this helped, good luck!