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26 Sep 2014, 08:12
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Hi,
I got this question on GMAT Write Assessment, and the overall grade was 4. The grade further divided to 4 for issue analysis and argument support, and 5 for language control. I wonder how can I improve the argument analysis. Appreciate your feedback.
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"The following appeared in an Excelsior Company memorandum.
The Excelsior Company plans to introduce its own brand of coffee. Since coffee is an expensive food item, and since there are already many established brands of coffee, the best way to gain customers for the Excelsior brand is to do what Superior, the leading coffee company, did when it introduced the newest brand in its line of coffees: conduct a temporary sales promotion that offers free samples, price reductions, and discount coupons for the new brand.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion."
ESSAY
The argument states that The Excelsior Company should act the same way to attract customers to its own brand of coffee as the leading coffee company does, when it conducted sales promotion for itsnew brand of coffee. Stated in this way, the argument fails to consider several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. Therefore, the argument is weak, unconvincing, and has various flaws.
First, the author compares Excelsior to Superior, the company which is the leader in the coffee industry, by stating that the outcome of Excelsior and Superior's campaigns will be the same.This comparison is illogical, however, as it fails to consider the fact that both companies might be of the different sizes and, clearly, do not have the same market share.
Second, the argument neglects the fact that Superior introduced new brand of coffee, while the Company has already had multiple other brands. This implies that customers are already accustomed to the Superior brand, and are willing more readily to try newly introduced brand by Superior. On the other hand, Excelsior firstly introduces its own brand of coffee. Hence, the company might face several difficulties to gain customers, who are not familiar with the company's coffee brands.
Finally, the author doesn't take into account the possibility that conducting sales promotion could adversely affect Excelsior's financial capability. Undoubtedly, the company's budget is limited, and it can not afford to apply the same discounts and price reductions on its product as Superior does.
In summary, the presented argument is neither persuasive nor sound, It leans on questionable assumptions about Excelsior financial capacities and makes controversial comparisons. In addition, the author fails to take into account the fact that Superior has already proved itself as a market leader, while Excelsior has just started its way.
I got this question on GMAT Write Assessment, and the overall grade was 4. The grade further divided to 4 for issue analysis and argument support, and 5 for language control. I wonder how can I improve the argument analysis. Appreciate your feedback.
***************************************************
"The following appeared in an Excelsior Company memorandum.
The Excelsior Company plans to introduce its own brand of coffee. Since coffee is an expensive food item, and since there are already many established brands of coffee, the best way to gain customers for the Excelsior brand is to do what Superior, the leading coffee company, did when it introduced the newest brand in its line of coffees: conduct a temporary sales promotion that offers free samples, price reductions, and discount coupons for the new brand.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion."
ESSAY
The argument states that The Excelsior Company should act the same way to attract customers to its own brand of coffee as the leading coffee company does, when it conducted sales promotion for itsnew brand of coffee. Stated in this way, the argument fails to consider several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. Therefore, the argument is weak, unconvincing, and has various flaws.
First, the author compares Excelsior to Superior, the company which is the leader in the coffee industry, by stating that the outcome of Excelsior and Superior's campaigns will be the same.This comparison is illogical, however, as it fails to consider the fact that both companies might be of the different sizes and, clearly, do not have the same market share.
Second, the argument neglects the fact that Superior introduced new brand of coffee, while the Company has already had multiple other brands. This implies that customers are already accustomed to the Superior brand, and are willing more readily to try newly introduced brand by Superior. On the other hand, Excelsior firstly introduces its own brand of coffee. Hence, the company might face several difficulties to gain customers, who are not familiar with the company's coffee brands.
Finally, the author doesn't take into account the possibility that conducting sales promotion could adversely affect Excelsior's financial capability. Undoubtedly, the company's budget is limited, and it can not afford to apply the same discounts and price reductions on its product as Superior does.
In summary, the presented argument is neither persuasive nor sound, It leans on questionable assumptions about Excelsior financial capacities and makes controversial comparisons. In addition, the author fails to take into account the fact that Superior has already proved itself as a market leader, while Excelsior has just started its way.
kushwahanuj28
Joined: 10 Dec 2013
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26 Sep 2014, 10:36
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JuliaGmat
Hi JuliaGmat
Respected Sir/Madam ,
First of all I must say you should not worry about getting 4 , have patience you can score much better . Well looking at your response I think you started well but then the quality of your reasonings and assertions plummeted . I think you should try to strike a balance between using templates and "real points" . In my opinion you should use better sentences while using templates as it leaves good impact on the e-grader . I think your essay is little short . You should try to elucidate more in your essay .Try to ascertain facts that are pivotal for the argument to base the conclusion upon . Some facts are always missing . It should be well thought , well articulated , assertive . For that you ought to be pretty good at understanding the premise of the argument and what conclusion it has , you have identified & covered some of the assumptions , raised questionable flaws but they are not sufficient and you should come up with more of them . In summary You must use the better templates , which makes the essay look more comprehensible, and elaborate more to leave good impression on the e-grader . All the best !
Although I am not a a very high scorer in GMAT hence I'm not qualified to give GMAT advice , but I took the GMAT twice and got a 4.5 & 5.0 essay score respectively , In hope you will find my essay templates/advice useful , I wish to share templates which I used very often and which I still remember very vividly , they were advised by my GMAT instructor . You should try them next time and note the response . In anticipation that you shall get better grade .
Paragraph 1: "Introduction"
As advised , I always start by saying, "In the preceding statement, the author claims that (paraphrase of the author's argument)."
This shows that I understand the author's argument. I continue with my disagreement (and, becauseit has been often said, ALWAYS! disagree with the author's reasoning, and I pretty much always used the same statement, like:
“Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, we cannot accept his argument as valid. “
I can use that statement for pretty much any and every argument essay I encounter. I also use "we" but I try to avoid using "I". ( Take that as you wish! )
Paragraph 2: "Attacks the premise of the author's argument"
For me, paragraph 2 always attacks the premise of the author's argument. I usually write down a premise and then I attack the lack of evidence that the author bases his premise on.
I usually begin with same statement all the the time :
"The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises".
I like "primary" and "secondary" as transitional tools because they are more complex than "first" and "second". Throughout the first paragraph, I show flaws in the author's premises by pointing out his lack of evidentiary support (they pretty much always lack evidentiary support!!!) . I generally end with something like:
"The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable."
Paragraph 3: "Attack the assumptions"
In the third paragraph, I always attack the assumptions
I usually begin with :
"In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven. "
My assumption paragraph ends with something like:
"The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between X and Y he assumes exists. "
Paragraph 4: How I can strengthen the argument
Paragraph 4 is where I talk about how the author could strengthen his argument
I usually begin this paragraph with something like:
"While the author does have several key issues in his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that the entire argument is without base."
Then I provide some concrete ways the author could strengthen his argument. The easiest way to do this is to give examples of what kind of evidence the author could provide, and discuss how he can fill the holes in his assumptions.
I generally end with something like:
"Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly. "
Paragraph 5 : Conclusion Para
As advised , This is my conclusion paragraph. I pretty much always conclude with the same sentence:
"In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.
"
As advised , I usually use "in sum" because it's considered better stylistically than "in conclusion" but signals to the e-grader that you're at your conclusion.
I usually add a couple sentences in between and then I end with:
"If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people. "
I hope you find it useful . If possible try these templates and see what score you get . And do work on finding assumptions and raising questionable flaws .
Do let me know what score you get when you use them ( if you use!
)Regards
