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10 Jan 2017, 05:08
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Hello all,
I have just finished writing an AWA practise Essay and looking for feedback.
I thought it be best to gain tailored feedback to my actual response.
I planned and wrote the essay in 40+ mins, I have to admit I found writing the one a little bit difficult in comparison to my previous posts. I tried to plan my time in the following way.
5 mins planning
20 mins writing ( actually took more than 30 mins)
5 mins proofreading (did not get time to do)
Admittedly, I didn't use the template given on GMAT club, but used another template from another source.
Question: “Magic Hat Brewery recently released the results of a survey of visitors to its tasting room last year. Magic Hat reports
that the majority of visitors asked to taste its low-calorie beers. To boost sales, other small breweries should brew
low-calorie beers as well.”
Answer:
The author believes that the results of a survey conducted by Magic Hat Brewery stating that the majority of customers asked to taste their low calorie beers, should encourage other small brewers to create low calorie beers. This assumption is deeply flawed due to but not limited to the following reasons: The questionnaire failed to report whether or not the customers liked or disliked the new low calorie beers. The survey may not be a true representation of the local market. The author also fails to provide any demand or supply forecasts resulting from this apparent market research.
Firstly, the questionnaire only states that customers asked to taste the low calorie beer; it does not state the outcome of tasting the beer. For example, did the customer like or hate the beer. The author argument would be seriously damaged if the customers who tasted the beer did not like the taste of the beer. If the product is not liked by the market, the product is unlikely to sell; therefore creating low calorie beers would be a piece of detrimental advice. Conversely if it was revealed that those customers who tasted the beer, liked the beer, then it would be beneficial to local brewers to develop and sell new low calorie beers. Therefore without this information the authors’ argument is prone to criticism and cannot be easily defended.
Secondly, the audience are not told whether the individuals who tasted, attended or even answered the question was a true representation sample of the local or targeted market. For example, if people currently on a diet said they preferred the low calorie diet and this consisted of 100% of the respondents, this would not be a true representation of the targeted or local market. The questionnaire needs to consist of wide range of individuals from different income, educational, age-range and diet based backgrounds. If the author was to provide a breakdown of the characteristics of the respondents who answered the questionnaire, the author’s argument would be a little more robust, however the argument would still be heavily criticised, due to the previous point.
Associated with the second point, we are not provided with the amount of individuals who answered the survey or the number who wanted to taste the low-calorie beers. For example, if only 10 people visited the tasting session from a target market of over 1 million people and only 6 out of the 10 people wanted to try the low calorie beers, then 6 out of 1 million individuals to base an argument upon would not provide a sterling argument and there currently lacks strength.
Moreover, the reader is not provided with any demand or supply information. For example, if the low calorie beer market is small and unlikely to grow, it would be ill advised for a small brewery to develop and create a new range of beers for the low calorie market. Moreover, the lack of supply information fails to provide any information on market saturation, is there likely to be any excess demand in which other breweries could service in order to make a profit. If this is not the case small breweries, again would be ill advised to develop and sell low calorie beers.
In conclusion the argument presented by the author is currently rather weak due to the missing aforementioned information and illogical assumptions the author themselves have created. Nevertheless, the argument could be strengthened if the audience was provided with information, specifically: the number of people who claimed to like the low calorie beer, the number of people who tasted the beer, and the personal characteristics of the individuals who both disliked and liked the beer. These pieces of information would strengthen the argument, however the argument in its current form is rather flimsy.
so, my answer to the question is provided above.
Due to the time constraints I felt during this practise essay, I failed to proofread, therefore this essay would appear as I would have written it on the test, if the test had given me 40 mins in total, which I know it wont :/ .
Again please provide your feedback on this essay, structure (especially), improvement points, things you liked or disliked.
Any help would be much appreciated from a second pair of eyes.
:D Happy Gmatting Everyone
I will try to post 1 or 2 more essays In the coming week.
I have just finished writing an AWA practise Essay and looking for feedback.
I thought it be best to gain tailored feedback to my actual response.
I planned and wrote the essay in 40+ mins, I have to admit I found writing the one a little bit difficult in comparison to my previous posts. I tried to plan my time in the following way.
5 mins planning
20 mins writing ( actually took more than 30 mins)
5 mins proofreading (did not get time to do)
Admittedly, I didn't use the template given on GMAT club, but used another template from another source.
Question: “Magic Hat Brewery recently released the results of a survey of visitors to its tasting room last year. Magic Hat reports
that the majority of visitors asked to taste its low-calorie beers. To boost sales, other small breweries should brew
low-calorie beers as well.”
Answer:
The author believes that the results of a survey conducted by Magic Hat Brewery stating that the majority of customers asked to taste their low calorie beers, should encourage other small brewers to create low calorie beers. This assumption is deeply flawed due to but not limited to the following reasons: The questionnaire failed to report whether or not the customers liked or disliked the new low calorie beers. The survey may not be a true representation of the local market. The author also fails to provide any demand or supply forecasts resulting from this apparent market research.
Firstly, the questionnaire only states that customers asked to taste the low calorie beer; it does not state the outcome of tasting the beer. For example, did the customer like or hate the beer. The author argument would be seriously damaged if the customers who tasted the beer did not like the taste of the beer. If the product is not liked by the market, the product is unlikely to sell; therefore creating low calorie beers would be a piece of detrimental advice. Conversely if it was revealed that those customers who tasted the beer, liked the beer, then it would be beneficial to local brewers to develop and sell new low calorie beers. Therefore without this information the authors’ argument is prone to criticism and cannot be easily defended.
Secondly, the audience are not told whether the individuals who tasted, attended or even answered the question was a true representation sample of the local or targeted market. For example, if people currently on a diet said they preferred the low calorie diet and this consisted of 100% of the respondents, this would not be a true representation of the targeted or local market. The questionnaire needs to consist of wide range of individuals from different income, educational, age-range and diet based backgrounds. If the author was to provide a breakdown of the characteristics of the respondents who answered the questionnaire, the author’s argument would be a little more robust, however the argument would still be heavily criticised, due to the previous point.
Associated with the second point, we are not provided with the amount of individuals who answered the survey or the number who wanted to taste the low-calorie beers. For example, if only 10 people visited the tasting session from a target market of over 1 million people and only 6 out of the 10 people wanted to try the low calorie beers, then 6 out of 1 million individuals to base an argument upon would not provide a sterling argument and there currently lacks strength.
Moreover, the reader is not provided with any demand or supply information. For example, if the low calorie beer market is small and unlikely to grow, it would be ill advised for a small brewery to develop and create a new range of beers for the low calorie market. Moreover, the lack of supply information fails to provide any information on market saturation, is there likely to be any excess demand in which other breweries could service in order to make a profit. If this is not the case small breweries, again would be ill advised to develop and sell low calorie beers.
In conclusion the argument presented by the author is currently rather weak due to the missing aforementioned information and illogical assumptions the author themselves have created. Nevertheless, the argument could be strengthened if the audience was provided with information, specifically: the number of people who claimed to like the low calorie beer, the number of people who tasted the beer, and the personal characteristics of the individuals who both disliked and liked the beer. These pieces of information would strengthen the argument, however the argument in its current form is rather flimsy.
so, my answer to the question is provided above.
Due to the time constraints I felt during this practise essay, I failed to proofread, therefore this essay would appear as I would have written it on the test, if the test had given me 40 mins in total, which I know it wont :/ .
Again please provide your feedback on this essay, structure (especially), improvement points, things you liked or disliked.
Any help would be much appreciated from a second pair of eyes.
:D Happy Gmatting Everyone
I will try to post 1 or 2 more essays In the coming week.
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