I would love it if someone who has a reasonable idea could give me an indication of what AWA score I can expect. Not really looking for grammatical feedback just general approach if there is anything that needs to change. Sitting my exam in 10 days so urgent help would be greatly appreciated
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Prompt
The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles.
"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."
MY AWA
The arguement provided is heavily underpinned by numerous assumptions that are unsubstanciated due to a lack of validating data. The writer provides some examples of observations of consumers in one isolated community in order to draw conclusions on people generally or on a larger community group. Such an approach is limited as it fails to take into consideration the difference in consumer behaviour that may be observed between different demographics and cultural groups. Even within one single country, state or province it is common to have uniquie communities that have different eating habits then the population as a whole. In order for conclusions to be deemed relevant to the population the magazine article is focused on, observations would need to be taken from a larger sample of the population that provides a more accurate reflection of the behaviours, habits and opinions of the group as a whole.
Another flaw in the article is the lack of clarity regarding the examples provided. The author provides an observation on the difference in wealth of the owners of the Good Earth Cafe and the House of Beef, however no mention is made of if the prosperity of the owners of the House of Beef is because of other investments and income sources or if their wealth is attributed to the House of Beef resturant itself. The owners of House of Beef could in fact be lossing money on their investment in House of Beef, they could also have no customers at all and still in fact be millionaries as a result of other highly successful investments. Given this we can concluded that the wealth of the owners of the resturants is not a relevant observation. Further information could be provided to confirm comparability of income from the two specific resturants, however even in this case other factors such as effective managment and running costs can seriously impact income, so the article would be better served by conducting a survey and analysis on consumers preferences and spending habits and/or by measuring the number of people eating at each resturant in order to maintain relevance. The example provided of the Heart's Delight also lacks rigor as it is again an isolated example with a lack of clear conclusive information.
The magazine article has failed to provide any reasonably clear or conclusive evidence to substanciate its claim that people are not as concerned about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses as they were a decade ago. Its assumptions are based on isolated examples that provide no conculsive reflection of the population of interest. The arguements and underpinning examples lack clarity and insufficent supporting information has been provided to draw the conclusions given. The aurthor would be far better served by conducting an analysis of consumer preferences and purchasing habits and comparing the results with data from around 10 years ago to measure changes and compare the results, rather than make assumptions based on isoltated examples with limited relevance.