Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70

Question

Hi guys! I've been studying for the GMAT for the last 5 months and I'm confident on my overall score (quant/verbal) considering my last few practice exams, ranging from 720-750. Being extremely honest, I haven't properly trained for the AWA and I'm focusing on building confidence and technique for the writing assessment before my official exam. Would love to receive tips and honest feedback. Thanks!

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The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.

"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."

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The argument claims that the lack of the exceptionally loud noise that is characteristic to motorcycle X can’t be the cause of the commercial underperformance of its foreign copy. In order to support this claim, the argument states that foreign cars that sell at least as well as its original version tend to be quieter than the American-made cars and that the television advertisements for motorcycle X do not focus on its engine-roar. The argument fails to mention several important factors and arrives at a conclusion without proper reasoning or evidence, severely undermining its strength.

First, the argument assumes that the lack of the characteristic noise couldn’t be a reason for the foreign company’s underperformance in sales. This argument is weak and lacks any support, such as the importance of its engine-roar for brand recognition and for its customer base. For instance, Ferrari cars have always had a characteristic loud noise which is now part of its unique branding. The Ferrari F1 team even puts in an extraordinary amount of time and effort in making sure that the cars’ sound is adequate to fans expectations, even though the sound doesn’t affect how well they’re going to perform in the competition.

Second, the argument tries to establish a direct connection between the focus of the motorcycle X ads and its main selling points, without any information regarding how well the television advertisements are performing. Furthermore, we don’t know whether the brand is trying to connect with a new audience in order to increase and diversify its customer base, and that could be the reason why they’re highlighting its durability and sleek lines instead of its engine-roar. The argument’s final sentence is weak and doesn’t offer any support for its conclusion.

Finally, the argument also makes a parallel between the sales performance of foreign cars and the motorcycle X copy. This is a deeply flawed comparison, since the market for motorcycles and cars may be extremely different in America and foreign countries. Using data regarding foreign motorcycles instead of foreign cars would be able to strengthen the argument.

Without proper knowledge of the full context surrounding motorcycle X and its foreign copy, it isn’t possible to properly evaluate the argument. Considering its current state, the argument is deeply flawed and unsubstantiated.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 4.5 out of 6

I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 2.5/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5  
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

fkotrend · Answer

Thank you! What auto-grader did you use? Is it available to the public?

MElMassry · Answer

Can your evaluate my essay below? Thanks in advance.

The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.

"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."

My Response:

The argument is flawed due to several reasons, the author failed to address key points that may lead to the foreign company failure in attracting customers.

First, the author assumes that Motorcycle X loud noise is the main reason why customers are buying it, in addition he said the words "some say", what does he mean by "some"? This lacks any quantifications to judge accurately. Instead the author should have used surveying method with large enough sample space to check what customers likes and dislikes about Motorcycle X as well as the foreign company motorcycle.

Second, In addition to the superficial latter assumption, the author claims that motorcycles should follow cars trends thought that they are clearly two different markets. A more rigid comparison would be to compare different competitors motorcycles that have varying noise degrees, then correlate their sales performance versus the noise levels.

Finally, Adding to previous misguided assumptions by the author, the part of the article concerning television advertisements takes for granted that durability and sleek lines don't attract customers. However that opposite maybe true that the latter are some of the main reasons that customers are interested in Motorcycle X.

As a conclusion, the author failed to have strong foundations to explain why the foreign company motorcycle failed in attracting customers. In the above paragraphs some of author's flaws are highlighted with suggestions for better ways that he should have used instead, in order to have a more sound study.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6

I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5 
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5  
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5 
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

BMohit · Answer

Request evaluate my essay please.
Thanks in advance.

The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers—some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
Answer:
The argument infers that there must be some other reason than the absence of 'exceptionally loud noise' in the motorcycle manufactured by foreign company for its poor sales. The argument is without any details or data and takes a leap of faith to assume the conclusion with respect to the popularity of the motorcycles.
Firstly. the author does not give any specific details of the motorcycle X. It compares it with cars. The comparison is faulty. People buy motorcycles and cars for different reasons. Motorcycles are mostly bought for the thrill and adventure of travel with the feel of the wind. On the other hand, cars are predominantly used as a utility. Reasons for buying both are distinctly different.
Secondly, the motorcycle manufactured by foreign manufacturer, we can name motorcycle y, might have failed due to quality, service, brand or other issues. These require consideration before arriving at a conclusion. Though it is possible that the most important factor seen by customers might be the loud noise of motorcycle X, however, the same cannot be commented at this stage. The brand name which the motorcycle must have achieved in the past 70 years might be because of the comfort, reliability, style or other factors.
Also, the author has mentioned the television advertisements. It needs to be understood that they can capture very few aspects of a product. Mostly visual appeal is enhanced so that the potential customers are initially attracted. Later during market survey and test rides other aspects can be checked.
Hence, the argument is without any substance and requires more details and data for making a proper inference. Though the noise factor might be the reason for the poor sale of motorcycle Y; however the above premises given by the author fail to convince. Details and customer survey on the preferences of consumer, sales data of both the motorcycles, test ride reviews by experts will help understand the argument and the reader will be able to arrive at a conclusion.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

Welcome to GMAT Club!

AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5  
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 3/5   
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5  
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Copying text from your device and pasting it blindly is ALWAYS not helpful. Keep an eye on what you have just posted. The above text should and must look like the one below

I haven't done anything special, just differentiated question from answer and made paragraphs clear. That's it.

PS: The above score is evaluated after making these above changes in your essay.

Good luck!

BMohit · Answer

Thanks a lot. 
Sorry didn't realise while posting. Great that you pointed it out. Will keep in mind.
Thanks again

Hunter0043 · Answer

Hey kindly assess mine too! Thanks!  Sajjad1994  
 
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The argument states that Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years and even though a certain foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers. The argument says that the reason for not attracting the customers must be something other than the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X which is not made by the motorcycle manufactured by the foreign company and justifies this reason by giving an example of foreign cars and american made loud cars, and that motorcycle X ads do not have the engine-roar as the sound track. The given argument is flawed with erroneous logic and conclusions.

Firstly, the argument fails to mention the price of both the motorcycles from which one can know for certain by how much the price of motorcycle X differs from the price of motorcycle manufactured by the foreign company. It just states that the new motorcycle sells for less than motorcycle X, it may be the case that the new motorcycle is only a few dollars cheaper than motorcycle X and due to which it is unable to attract the customers. The argument should provide with necessary data to conclude precisely the difference between the prices of both motorcycles.

Secondly, the agrument justifies its line of reasoning by providing an example that foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell atleast as well. This example is completely illogical as comparison between two different segments is not justified. The customer base for cars may or may not be same as the customer base of motorcycles. Not every person who owns an American-made car is interested to buy a motorcycle or even a motorcycle with loud noise, or he may have other reasons to buy the car. The author could have provided a better suited example for this situation to justify his conclusions.

Lastly, the author assumes that people buy motorcycle X only due to its advertisements and not by any other means of promotion. For example, one could take a test drive and be attracted to its loud noise. It is not necessary for the customers to purchase motorcyle X just by looking at its ads, one could be influenced by its friends or family, or customer reviews ,and decide to purchase Motorcycle X. The author could have mentioned any data or survey regarding what percentage of customers of Motorcycle X, it attracted from the ads on the television.

The article is inconclusive and assumes a certain number of things on which its reasoning depends. It may or may not be the case which the argument puts forward. To put forward its point more precisely, the author could have introduced some data supporting its claims regarding sales of the motorcycles and provide with better related examples to justify its reasoning.

Sajjad1994 · Answer

AWA Score: 5 - 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and Connectivity (5.5/6):
The essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and connectivity. Each paragraph logically follows the other, and the argument's progression is clear. The introduction sets the stage for the analysis, and subsequent paragraphs explore different aspects of the given argument. Transitions between ideas are generally smooth, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

Word Structure (5/6):
The word structure is strong, with varied sentence structures contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. The vocabulary used is appropriate, and the sentences are well-constructed. However, there are instances where sentences could be more concise for greater impact. For example, in the first paragraph, the sentence "The given argument is flawed with erroneous logic and conclusions" could be streamlined for brevity.

Paragraph Structure and Formation (5.5/6):
The essay is well-organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that previews the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. The essay concludes with a succinct summary of the overall critique. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a stronger thesis statement to guide the reader more explicitly.

Language and Grammar (5/6):
The language used is generally precise, and grammar is strong. There are, however, a few instances where awkward phrasing slightly affects the clarity of the expression. For example, in the sentence "To put forward its point more precisely, the author could have introduced some data supporting its claims regarding sales of the motorcycles and provide with better-related examples to justify its reasoning," the phrasing could be improved for smoother readability.

Vocabulary and Word Expression (5/6):
The vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the task. The essay effectively uses words to convey the intended meaning. However, there are a few instances where more nuanced or specific word choices could enhance the essay's overall impact. For example, in the sentence "The article is inconclusive and assumes a certain number of things," replacing "inconclusive" with a more precise term could strengthen the expression.

Overall, the essay effectively critiques the given argument, demonstrating a strong command of language and structure. Minor improvements in sentence clarity and vocabulary selection could further enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70

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