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21 Apr 2022, 08:55
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Hey fellow GMATCLUB members. I have written an AWA essay as a practice for the real test. I would be very grateful to the experts if they could read and evaluate my essay. The last time I scored a 5.5 in the real test and before that I scored a 5. Though I am not very pleased with my attempt at this AWA prompt in particular, I would like to aim for a 6, because why not? So here goes the prompt followed by my answer:
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
MY ANSWER
The argument is based on the premise that aspartame, an artificial sweetener, can contribute to weight gain instead of weight loss. One of the reasons stated in the argument to support this claim are that aspartame triggers a craving for food while depleting the brain of a chemical that indicates satiety, thereby leading a person to consume more food. The other stated reason that is used to support the claim is that since sugars, if consumed within 45 minutes of continuous exercise, help burn more fat than aspartame does, aspartame does not seem to be very helpful for those who are trying to achieve their dietary goals. The argument, in stating the above reasons, concludes that aspartame is less likely to assist people in achieving their dietary goals but the argument seems incomplete and unconvincing at best because there seem to be some logical fallacies and unsupported assumptions.
First, the argument readily assumes that weight loss is the only dietary goal of people. Some people undergo dietary regimes to actually gain weight. For such people aspartame would in fact be more beneficial than sugars. Moreover, weight gain and weight loss are dependent on a variety of factors other than just fat burn and food cravings. Food craving can be tackled by consuming healthier fats such as almonds and these cravings can be monitored. Moreover, the argument does not specify if there are any particular reasons why some people consume aspartame- are they advised to do so or do they consume it just because they heard about it? If medically advised, then the reasons to consume aspartame instead of sugars must be known. Maybe sugars have some serious harmful properties because of which aspartame is a better choice.
Second, the argument does not clarify why burning fat after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise is an important criterion when comparing the benefits of sugars and aspartame. Maybe aspartame helps burn fats withing 45 minutes of exercising instead of after. It is also possible that since during exercise one obviously burns some fat, more fat need not or rather, should not be burned, a reason why aspartame would be a better choice. The argument seems weak because there is no particular correlation provided between burning fat and choosing sugars. Additionally, if aspartame is advised for those people who are trying to gain weight then for such people to not burn fat 45 minutes after exercising could be a very logical step.
Finally, some questions as mentioned below must be answered before arriving at a conclusion:
1. Is aspartame advised to a particular section of people? If yes, then what is the reason for choosing aspartame over sugars?
2. Do sugars contain any harmful properties because of which aspartame is preferred over them?
3. Is weight loss the only way to achieve dietary goals?
In order to assess the merits of an argument all the contributing factors must be taken into consideration and sufficiently analysed. In this case, many underlying assumptions gave the impression of more of wishful thinking and less of substantive claims. Due to such unsupported claims and evidences, the argument seems very unconvincing and is up for debate.
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
MY ANSWER
The argument is based on the premise that aspartame, an artificial sweetener, can contribute to weight gain instead of weight loss. One of the reasons stated in the argument to support this claim are that aspartame triggers a craving for food while depleting the brain of a chemical that indicates satiety, thereby leading a person to consume more food. The other stated reason that is used to support the claim is that since sugars, if consumed within 45 minutes of continuous exercise, help burn more fat than aspartame does, aspartame does not seem to be very helpful for those who are trying to achieve their dietary goals. The argument, in stating the above reasons, concludes that aspartame is less likely to assist people in achieving their dietary goals but the argument seems incomplete and unconvincing at best because there seem to be some logical fallacies and unsupported assumptions.
First, the argument readily assumes that weight loss is the only dietary goal of people. Some people undergo dietary regimes to actually gain weight. For such people aspartame would in fact be more beneficial than sugars. Moreover, weight gain and weight loss are dependent on a variety of factors other than just fat burn and food cravings. Food craving can be tackled by consuming healthier fats such as almonds and these cravings can be monitored. Moreover, the argument does not specify if there are any particular reasons why some people consume aspartame- are they advised to do so or do they consume it just because they heard about it? If medically advised, then the reasons to consume aspartame instead of sugars must be known. Maybe sugars have some serious harmful properties because of which aspartame is a better choice.
Second, the argument does not clarify why burning fat after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise is an important criterion when comparing the benefits of sugars and aspartame. Maybe aspartame helps burn fats withing 45 minutes of exercising instead of after. It is also possible that since during exercise one obviously burns some fat, more fat need not or rather, should not be burned, a reason why aspartame would be a better choice. The argument seems weak because there is no particular correlation provided between burning fat and choosing sugars. Additionally, if aspartame is advised for those people who are trying to gain weight then for such people to not burn fat 45 minutes after exercising could be a very logical step.
Finally, some questions as mentioned below must be answered before arriving at a conclusion:
1. Is aspartame advised to a particular section of people? If yes, then what is the reason for choosing aspartame over sugars?
2. Do sugars contain any harmful properties because of which aspartame is preferred over them?
3. Is weight loss the only way to achieve dietary goals?
In order to assess the merits of an argument all the contributing factors must be taken into consideration and sufficiently analysed. In this case, many underlying assumptions gave the impression of more of wishful thinking and less of substantive claims. Due to such unsupported claims and evidences, the argument seems very unconvincing and is up for debate.
22 Apr 2022, 09:15
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AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
sam12rawat
22 Apr 2022, 21:59
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Quote:
Sajjad1994 Thank you so much for your response and evaluation!
In paragraph structure and formation could you please advise what could have been done to get a better score so that I can improve on this front? 
