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09 May 2019, 19:19
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Hi!
Could anyone please evaluate my essay
? That`s my first shot and i`m not a native speaker, so don`t be too strict 
can I score something around 4 with alike?
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The business department of the Apogee Company has claimed that by closing all company’s branches and by centralization the company could decrease costs and hence increase the profit. However, the reasoning is unconceiving and not persuasive because of three fey flaws. Primarily, The business department fails to consider another important aspects with respect to profitability of the company, naming only cutting costs and better staff controlling. Also, it omits to recognize the positive effects of having different locations such as closeness of every department to aiming auditory, suppliers, etc. Apart from that, it wrongly assumes that supervision would be better while all processes would be concentrated in one common space. And finally, the department believes that cutting costs and better supervision solely by themselves will impove profitability.
First, there is no sufficient information to gauge why the company was more lucrative before. If we had had the detailed economic or statistic reports from those years, the claim would have been more sound and substantiated. Given basic information, there is no contradictions that there was another explanations such as good management, fewer competitors, market situations and so on.
Second, the differentiation of the resource, namely decentralization, on the contrary, could be advantageous, it could provide better logistics, and even more important specialization, which in turn, enhances the level of professionalism within the staff and also requires improved equipment. Furthemore, again, it is not proven that decentralization negatively affects the level of supervision. If the company has an adequate organization structure, each branch has a manager who governs all the business-processes, maintaining supervision.
Last, in order to choose the plan of development the company should gather information, make the researches, create the long-term and short-term strategies and so on and only after throughout ecomomic analysies it could take any decision concerning the variables which affect the profitability. The cutting costs and enhancing supervising are not necessarily the factors which whould be addresses in order to increase the profit. If the business department had mentioned such analysis the argument as a hole would have been more substantiated and logic.
To summarize, the argument provided by the business department of the certain company is not well reasoned and unsound because of the flaws listed above.
Could anyone please evaluate my essay
? That`s my first shot and i`m not a native speaker, so don`t be too strict can I score something around 4 with alike? The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The business department of the Apogee Company has claimed that by closing all company’s branches and by centralization the company could decrease costs and hence increase the profit. However, the reasoning is unconceiving and not persuasive because of three fey flaws. Primarily, The business department fails to consider another important aspects with respect to profitability of the company, naming only cutting costs and better staff controlling. Also, it omits to recognize the positive effects of having different locations such as closeness of every department to aiming auditory, suppliers, etc. Apart from that, it wrongly assumes that supervision would be better while all processes would be concentrated in one common space. And finally, the department believes that cutting costs and better supervision solely by themselves will impove profitability.
First, there is no sufficient information to gauge why the company was more lucrative before. If we had had the detailed economic or statistic reports from those years, the claim would have been more sound and substantiated. Given basic information, there is no contradictions that there was another explanations such as good management, fewer competitors, market situations and so on.
Second, the differentiation of the resource, namely decentralization, on the contrary, could be advantageous, it could provide better logistics, and even more important specialization, which in turn, enhances the level of professionalism within the staff and also requires improved equipment. Furthemore, again, it is not proven that decentralization negatively affects the level of supervision. If the company has an adequate organization structure, each branch has a manager who governs all the business-processes, maintaining supervision.
Last, in order to choose the plan of development the company should gather information, make the researches, create the long-term and short-term strategies and so on and only after throughout ecomomic analysies it could take any decision concerning the variables which affect the profitability. The cutting costs and enhancing supervising are not necessarily the factors which whould be addresses in order to increase the profit. If the business department had mentioned such analysis the argument as a hole would have been more substantiated and logic.
To summarize, the argument provided by the business department of the certain company is not well reasoned and unsound because of the flaws listed above.
09 May 2019, 20:49
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Hello LidiiaShchichko .... welcome to the community.
A couple of points .... before we dive into the content.
1. Try to have 4-6 paragraphs: intro- reasoning 1/2/3 - conclusion. ( In the above the last point is in conclusion para it seems)
2. I would make the para breaks clearly visible ( I would put another blank line in between)
Otherwise, the content and the flow looks ok.
(Just for your reference) ... the link below is the most used template in this community:
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
All the best.
A couple of points .... before we dive into the content.
1. Try to have 4-6 paragraphs: intro- reasoning 1/2/3 - conclusion. ( In the above the last point is in conclusion para it seems)
2. I would make the para breaks clearly visible ( I would put another blank line in between)
Otherwise, the content and the flow looks ok.
(Just for your reference) ... the link below is the most used template in this community:
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
All the best.
10 May 2019, 08:29
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Thank you for your response! Will be working on it ☺️
Posted from my mobile device
Posted from my mobile device
