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15 Sep 2017, 14:17
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Hey! I am taking the exam next tuesday on 9/19, and would really appreciate if someone could review my essay for me and give me a brief opinion on it/what they think the score would be.
Topic:
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Response:
This argument is most centered on the parents number one concern regarding which summer camp to send their children too as being safety. While that may be true for the majority of parents, it may be untrue for some. I am sure there are several parents who trust the safety of several summer camps out there and are more concerned with the amount of activities available to their kids at this camp. Another concern for the parents could be centered on the other types of kids at this camp. Maybe even the age range of the kids at camp. The main flaw in this argument is that assumes that the best camp for your children is positively correlated to the safest camp for your children, which is what Federville Farms is claiming to be.
To strengthen this argument, Federville Farms could include some more information and details that goes on in the camp. Is it a camp where there are a lot of kids attending? For example, some parents may be concerned with an overwhelmingly large number of kids at the camp because it could make it harder to keep track of each kid. Another question that may be crucial in the parents decision making process would be the ratio of camp workers to kids. Despite Federville farms claiming to be the best camp experience, some parents may be concerned with the lack of supervisors compared to kids attending. One final piece that should be added to this argument is something regarding the cost. Some parents may not have a large budget to send their kids to a camp, so that may be a large factor in the decision as well.
I find this argument to be logical in most ways, but those are the major weaknesses I see. The parents are going to be the ones deciding whether or not the kids attend the camp, not the kids, so including cost and ratio of supervisors to campers would be a big help in recruiting parents to send their kids here. In order to strengthen the conclusion of Federville Farms being the best camp experience for the children, the should include some details of what activities the camp has to offer to show it is not only safe, but fun as well. These would help me better evaluate the conclusion of Federville Farms being the best camp experience for the children and the best choice for me to make.
Thanks in advance!!
Topic:
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Response:
This argument is most centered on the parents number one concern regarding which summer camp to send their children too as being safety. While that may be true for the majority of parents, it may be untrue for some. I am sure there are several parents who trust the safety of several summer camps out there and are more concerned with the amount of activities available to their kids at this camp. Another concern for the parents could be centered on the other types of kids at this camp. Maybe even the age range of the kids at camp. The main flaw in this argument is that assumes that the best camp for your children is positively correlated to the safest camp for your children, which is what Federville Farms is claiming to be.
To strengthen this argument, Federville Farms could include some more information and details that goes on in the camp. Is it a camp where there are a lot of kids attending? For example, some parents may be concerned with an overwhelmingly large number of kids at the camp because it could make it harder to keep track of each kid. Another question that may be crucial in the parents decision making process would be the ratio of camp workers to kids. Despite Federville farms claiming to be the best camp experience, some parents may be concerned with the lack of supervisors compared to kids attending. One final piece that should be added to this argument is something regarding the cost. Some parents may not have a large budget to send their kids to a camp, so that may be a large factor in the decision as well.
I find this argument to be logical in most ways, but those are the major weaknesses I see. The parents are going to be the ones deciding whether or not the kids attend the camp, not the kids, so including cost and ratio of supervisors to campers would be a big help in recruiting parents to send their kids here. In order to strengthen the conclusion of Federville Farms being the best camp experience for the children, the should include some details of what activities the camp has to offer to show it is not only safe, but fun as well. These would help me better evaluate the conclusion of Federville Farms being the best camp experience for the children and the best choice for me to make.
Thanks in advance!!
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