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31 May 2016, 04:18
Kudos
Bookmarks
Pl help me to improve my AWA and rate it.
“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”
The argument is establishing a causal relationship between one event - using interactive computer instruction in academic subjects to another event –decline in dropout rate. The argument state that due to its interactive computer instruction, its graduate has achieved a major feat in college. This lead to conclusion that college should invest heavily in buying more computers and all other schools accept the similar profile in their curriculum.
The argument is considering several assumption, which may not necessarily apply to this situation. Moreover, the argument doesn’t provide substantive evidence to prove and not even to support the conclusion drawn from the given premises. First, it does not discard all other factors that could be responsible for the observed result. The argument readily assumes that there is direct proportional relationship between increase in interactive program and achievement of its benefactor, that may not be the case. Second, it assumes that implementation of this program in another school could result in the same outcome, what observed in Nova High School. Third, school drop rate is not necessarily gives a proper view of the situation.
The first issue to be addressed is another factors that might led to the given outcome such as parent’s role in student education. It could be a possibility that student himself are motivated enough to achieve major success in their life. Another possibility could be that it’s not interactive program but instructor, who is conducting the program, is putting a huge effort to make the program more interesting to the students. The premises given above is providing no such information above these parameters.
Second, it may be possible that what works for one school might not work for another. There could be a different style that student are used in another school and that might take time to adopt to new situation. They might not be ready for computer instructed approach and will lead to frustration among students, who are not so thorough with computers. Ultimately, it might impact their current situation and may generate bad result.
Finally, argument assumes that it’s their program that resulted in decline in drop rate. It might be the case that government has implemented a mandatory policy for education or rewarding program for students who goes to school. For instance, mid-day meal schema has caused increase in students attending school, that is not because that students suddenly get interested in education but because most students were so poor that they can’t afford even a meal and attending school support a day meal for them.
In conclusion, while there could be a direct link between decline in drop rate and interactive program, the claim can’t be substantiated with the given evident. The argument could be strengthen if argument has included all the parameters discussed above. Without all these information, the argument is weak and remains open to debate.
“Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.”
The argument is establishing a causal relationship between one event - using interactive computer instruction in academic subjects to another event –decline in dropout rate. The argument state that due to its interactive computer instruction, its graduate has achieved a major feat in college. This lead to conclusion that college should invest heavily in buying more computers and all other schools accept the similar profile in their curriculum.
The argument is considering several assumption, which may not necessarily apply to this situation. Moreover, the argument doesn’t provide substantive evidence to prove and not even to support the conclusion drawn from the given premises. First, it does not discard all other factors that could be responsible for the observed result. The argument readily assumes that there is direct proportional relationship between increase in interactive program and achievement of its benefactor, that may not be the case. Second, it assumes that implementation of this program in another school could result in the same outcome, what observed in Nova High School. Third, school drop rate is not necessarily gives a proper view of the situation.
The first issue to be addressed is another factors that might led to the given outcome such as parent’s role in student education. It could be a possibility that student himself are motivated enough to achieve major success in their life. Another possibility could be that it’s not interactive program but instructor, who is conducting the program, is putting a huge effort to make the program more interesting to the students. The premises given above is providing no such information above these parameters.
Second, it may be possible that what works for one school might not work for another. There could be a different style that student are used in another school and that might take time to adopt to new situation. They might not be ready for computer instructed approach and will lead to frustration among students, who are not so thorough with computers. Ultimately, it might impact their current situation and may generate bad result.
Finally, argument assumes that it’s their program that resulted in decline in drop rate. It might be the case that government has implemented a mandatory policy for education or rewarding program for students who goes to school. For instance, mid-day meal schema has caused increase in students attending school, that is not because that students suddenly get interested in education but because most students were so poor that they can’t afford even a meal and attending school support a day meal for them.
In conclusion, while there could be a direct link between decline in drop rate and interactive program, the claim can’t be substantiated with the given evident. The argument could be strengthen if argument has included all the parameters discussed above. Without all these information, the argument is weak and remains open to debate.
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